I placed my LO in assisted living 10 days ago. I was getting sick and run down caregiving and felt "I can't do it anymore." He is having a very hard adjustment period and I am feeling guilty causing this. I really felt this was right but now I keep wondering if it was and should I buck up and take him back home?
Guilt seems to be the background reality for caregivers. No matter how hard we try, we are never going to be able to fix our loved one, and somehow we think we should be able to. This sense of guilt is irrational and unearned, but it is extremely common. If you can't overcome it completely, at least push it way to the back of your mind, and don't let it influence your decisions.
Ten days is way too soon for anyone to settle into a new environment. And dementia can make it harder. Hang in there!
I'm sure that you will still be doing Plenty of caregiving, just in a different way. Now hopefully, you will have some time to enjoy him, and to spend quality time with him, when you are not Always Burnt Out!
After he becomes acclimated, hopefully you will be able to take him our for a few hours here and there, but I'm sure you will still be doing plenty of running around for him, and it will still feel like work for a few months.
Do not bring him back home, it would be a big mistake! Your LO's needs are only going to become greater, remember that!
Good Luck, it's time for some ME TIME! ENJOY IT!
10 days is nothing in the scheme of things. It's just so very fresh to both of you. Adjustments will be made, it's kind of how it works though it's so very difficult. It's no fun at all and I endured 7 years of it with my mom.
I can't say it will get better. Manageable would be my word as far as my mother's experience. She wouldn't participate in any activities so she was always pretty negative.
Your words "that you feel guilty causing this" struck me. YOU did NOT cause this situation. The disease did this to your loved one. The blame lies with the disease and its' awful affects, not you at all.
I realize you were describing the change in living situation, but that is what it is, living. You deserve to live without horrible, unmanageable stress that makes you ill too.
Prayers for more peaceful days in the future for you and your LO.
My husband has been in the AL for 6 weeks now and he is still not adjusting well. I have been seeking therapy for that much time to cope with my guilt and sadness, and I am not progressing well either. The AL is also making errors, so that adds another layer of grief to my plate. I am seeking an alternative care option and I am moving towards home care with adult day care during the day while I am at work and night health aide so that I can sleep to go to work the next day. Interestingly, the cost is less expensive than at the AL.
I don't have sage advice for you, except that you should take this opportunity to explore other care options. Remember that there is no perfect solution. Choose the one that works best for you under the circumstances and give it a shot. If it does not work, then try another option. If you don't try, you may look back later and regret it.
Feel free to share any tips you have with us. We are here to learn too.
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