Dad is 92 and has Parkinson’s. I had the option of moving him to a place that would take what he had left of his money, but then would never move him. It was a nice place. But my dad LOVES where he is currently. I thought he would make at least another 3 years there, so I kept him there. Now they raised his rates, and he will only make it maybe a year and a half. Then he will have to go to a state facility. I am sick about it. On top of that I am his only caregiver outside of the facility. I catch myself wishing he would die before his money runs out, so he doesn't have to move to a state-run facility. Then I have the shame of "wishing him dead". All he does is sleep. He can't walk anymore and is pretty much completely cared for. Seems like such a sad existence. It would be different if he wasn't aware. But he is fully aware and will fully know he has been moved to a state-run facility when the time comes. Then I wish he would lose it mentally, so he doesn't have to know. It is just this awful vicious circle of shame and wishing it was just over. I am at my wits end and regret not forcing the move. How do I cope?
I’ve started a spreadsheet, listing all the things I have to do. Visit facilities. Find an Elder attorney. File for Medicaid.
My mother has been in MC for over 4 years, now. I have prayed and prayed for The Lord to take her. His answer has been NO, so far.
So, this week, I will begin by doing the first thing on the list, and putting one foot in front of the other. Otherwise, I would do what I REALLY want to do, which is to pull the covers back over my head and avoid the whole $&@/ mess.
Good luck to us, both.
I try to look at the situation as if it were me dying of dementia instead of my mother. It helps me take the "feeling sorry for her" out of the equation. I've told my husband to put me wherever he needs to put me if I end up with Alzheimer’s. I know it won't be like having a great vacation in a five star resort. It will be more like being in a nursing home with a roommate in the next bed. And then I tell myself I'll just have to deal with it.
Dying is the most difficult part of life. It's not super comfortable and that's okay.
Read your favorite book or watch a funny TV show. Give yourself a break.
Stop the crazy making and put the situation in God's hands. That's all you CAN do anyway, since you can't control any of this. Worrying about the future = anxiety. Try to live in the present moment the best you can. The future doesn't yet exist.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Does your father qualify for Veterans Aid and attendance? It took a year for him to get but it bought us more time to stretch out his funds.
We do what we have to do. It becomes not what our parents want, but what they need. Its just how it is.
Try not to think ahead. It is going to be what it will be. Talk to any Social Workers to try to find best Medicaid facilities. Hope he passes in his sleep before that day. My heart goes out to you, but NEVER EVER kick your own kind heart. Never.
Keep him where he is as long as there is money. You said he sleeps all day so in another 18 months he might not even know you moved him, that is if he is still alive.
We thought my 94 year old aunt was going to live well past 100 and then one Christmas Eve she popped a brain aneurysm and died that day.