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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I agree with others that the goal for her is now not happiness but rather protection, comfort and peace. She may need meds to help her address her depression since she can't do it on her own anymore.
I saw both my parents lose what happiness was for them. It’s not uncommon after the losses of friends, family, and health that come with aging. Many times I held my dad’s hand and simply said I understood. He was helped by a small dose of Zoloft that helped with the sadness, something to consider if her doctor agrees. Otherwise, accept that it’s there and one of many issues without fixes
Of course she is depressed. Think about it, a hospital stay sharing a room with a stranger. Laying in bed all day. Then rehab, people forcing you to do PT and sitting around a facility for the rest of the day and sharing your room with a stranger. You've lost your independence. Anesthesia can affect people for a while. The last thing I want is to be in a hospital and then rehab for 3 months.
You will probably have to accept that she will not be happy anywhere. This is so often the case with seniors. So it stops being about making them happy and more about keeping them safe, managing pain and keeping agitation/anxiety levels at the lowest levels possible. This is done with medications. Sometimes anti-depresant medication can help too. 'Happy' isn't in the cards for her anymore. Comfortably managed should be the goal now. I call it old-age happiness.
Depression is something to be discussed with her professionals, so this calls for a trip to doctors to see what might help, ultimately, but.......
I think that realistically you must also ask yourself a few questions: 1. Was my loved one always a bit this way, or have I witnessed a serious change in life satisfaction and coping? 2. How long should I wait to see if the return to a more stable and normal environment helps? 3. How much of this is NORMAL, and she's just venting? She needs someone to HEAR her?
I say over and over again here on AC, that--as an 82 y/o--I can attest to the fact that this simply isn't a "happy time". Aging is tough. We face loss upon loss and there is only a downward trajectory.
I think one of the major problems I see in our questioners is that they somehow "feel responsible for their elder's happiness". You aren't. Don't try to "fix" things. You can't fix this. Be willing to listen. Don't negate what your loved one says or try to "jolly her out of it". Let her say how tough it is. Tell her you are sorry. Ask if you can do anything to help her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
See her doctor about some meds.
I think that realistically you must also ask yourself a few questions:
1. Was my loved one always a bit this way, or have I witnessed a serious change in life satisfaction and coping?
2. How long should I wait to see if the return to a more stable and normal environment helps?
3. How much of this is NORMAL, and she's just venting? She needs someone to HEAR her?
I say over and over again here on AC, that--as an 82 y/o--I can attest to the fact that this simply isn't a "happy time". Aging is tough. We face loss upon loss and there is only a downward trajectory.
I think one of the major problems I see in our questioners is that they somehow "feel responsible for their elder's happiness".
You aren't. Don't try to "fix" things. You can't fix this.
Be willing to listen. Don't negate what your loved one says or try to "jolly her out of it". Let her say how tough it is. Tell her you are sorry. Ask if you can do anything to help her.
Good luck.