I just got home and found a note that my mom and her 24hr sitter had gone to the store. When they got back my mom said she didn't go in the store and apparently stayed in the car while the sitter went in. I bought groceries the day before so am pretty sure there was no urgent need for any essentials and noticed the sitter had no bags when they came into the house. I am upset that my mother was left alone in a parked car even if it was just for a few minutes. She cannot get around without the aid of a walker and has mild dementia, CHF, and is hard of hearing. It was cold and raining this morning as well. Am I overreacting? Or should this be a concern that needs to be discussed with the sitter? I am too annoyed to talk to her at the moment so am taking this time to get some feedback and advice......any thoughts or comments will be appreciated. Thanks!
I wouldn't approach her with too much anger - just go over the ground rules and let her know that if she has a need to go out for something that she is welcome to do it when someone can watch your mom.
If you like her otherwise, I'd tread gently. Your overall satisfaction (and your mother's) is primary. Still, the caregiver needs to know that what she did could be risky.
Carol
If she were paralyzed or had severe dementia, it would be different. With severe dementia, I would be afraid of wandering or other confused behavior. But for other elders I would not be so worried.
If the sitter is there 24 hours, when is she to have any time to go to the store except to take your mother with her? Sometimes you need things besides groceries. Is there some way that the sitter can have a little respite during the day? Maybe she could call you and plan a little break during the day for herself?
This is definitely something to discuss with the sitter. But don't be annoyed, be concerned that she works too many hours and this was the only or best way to handle a quick trip to the store. Maybe she just got a candy bar or something small that fit in her purse.
I'm glad that nothing bad happened and you are right to be concerned that something could have. Mild dementia is probably ok to do so, but there will come that day when it's not ok.
Also in my opinion no caregiver should be expected to work 24 hours more than two or three days in a row without a day off in between.
Thanks for explaining about the sitter and the scheduling. That does make a difference, with you and other family members being there. I do think you should explain to her that you are not comfortable with Mom being left in the car during errands, because she may try to get out and be injured, or well meaning people may call the police, or the weather may be too warm and the car too stuffy. Or any of a bunch of other reasons that there may be. You are the employer and she the employee. She should do what you ask of her, once she knows what that is.
But, this clearly bothers you, so at the very least you should tell this caregiver that you don't want your mother waiting in cars, because of her level of cognitive functioning. Unless Mom's cognition is obviously beyond waiting in a car and it should be apparent to any observant person, I don't think I'd make a big issue out of this incident. Just make sure that rule is in place, for this caregiver and the other ones the agency sends.
Really we have to use judgment. Our brains don't turn to jelly when we become caregivers. :) I wouldn't leave a baby in the car, because someone could steal the baby. I wouldn't mind so much if they stole my mother. :D
See All Answers