They are 88. They have to pay a handyman to care for the outside and odd jobs and a house cleaner to vacuum. My mom wont let her clean the bathrooms and they are pretty nasty when I visit. I visit at least once a week. but should more often. I don't work. But I find it so hard to communicate with them when I do. I am alone most of the time and have no stories to entertain them. But now my mother may have colon cancer, we are waiting for results and I think this will be the time they will need someone there 24/7. Thinking of moving into their upstairs area, but, my parents can be so domineering at times its unbearable. And my father can be quite insulting at times. I know the answer is yes move in and care for them. They put up with my crap as a teenager. Now I have to put up with theirs and take care of them. Im just worried about getting yelled at all the time again...
If the parents and the child never got along, add caregiving and you get disaster.
You didn't say why you don't work...are you retired? If not, are you disabled? If neither of them, then what? I think your circumstances make a difference on this decision...
Again Please find outside help. My Mom's been living with me for 12 years and she started out independent but at 91 that is not the case anymore. I can't work anymore, I can't leave over night, I have to watch her daily because just recently she's started to wander outside' the list goes on and on....Good luck and think twice about moving in, most days either I want to bang my head against a wall or cry!
You visit at least once a week now, but you have a hard time bringing yourself to come more often. How will you be able to tolerate 24/7 with them if you can't stand it now?
For some people moving into their parents' home is a good solution. But it is not for everyone. Please don't rush into this because you "have to." Consider not only what is best for your parents, but what can work for you, too.
IF after seriously exploring all options you feel moving in with them is what you want to do, establish boundaries and ground rules right up front. Make moving in with them conditional on them agreeing to certain things. For example, you want to live in a clean house and the role of the cleaning person has to be expanded. The upstairs is your domain, and off-limits to them. They have to agree to use life-alert devices when you are out. Etc. Again, browsing these discussion boards will help you see what issues often arise, and to prepare for them.
Of course you want what is best for them. Remember that your life has value and meaning, too. You deserve what is best for you. I hope you come up with a plan that will be totally one-sided, but that will allow all three of you your dignity and safety.