Today my mom said "You are trying to get rid of me so you can have my house, aren't you?" Her nosey neighbor accused me of trying to lower the value of the home by putting in a replacement floor furnace. The house had an old floor furnace, when it gave out I ordered a brand new one, several of us put the furnace in in about half a day, last night temps here were -22F and the area she was in stayed 70F all night, how is that a bad thing? I wasn't concerned with the home's value, it was all about finding the least expensive way to get heat in the house.
Granted, my mom sold me the house for $1 and retained it in a life estate for herself back in 2008. At that time we had no idea she would live to be 96 and deplete her bank account. Now if she goes to the Nursing Home, she will be on Medicaid right from the start. Of course her household furnishings and car are not protected, but I just looked up the value of her car and it's worth much less than I thought, I could only get $400 on a trade. If an auction company came and cleared out the house then sold everything, I would get a check for maybe $200 if I was lucky. Medicaid has already spent more than a couple thousand on her home care and they figure about $3,000 if they remodel her bathroom. (If they replace her tub with a walk-in shower, the house only has a half bath, no full bathroom).
For some reason, I'm feeling really crappy about living in the house if I have to put my mom in a Nursing Home. I'm not kicking my mom out so I can party, her care is starting to exceed what I can provide and her Medicaid Waiver will only pay for 31 hours of home care providing an agency can cover that many hours.
I asked if I could get someone to come for at least 8 hours today but the lady has a client in the morning so she couldn't come before 12:30pm and she had to leave at 2:45pm. There is a job opening I want to apply for, but I can't because I can't leave the house. I wish I had somebody else who could help but it's just myself and my invisible friend. I can't even have a dog because my mom won't allow animals in her house. At least she won't need to worry about that with the floor furnace, too much risk that a dog would walk on it and get badly burnt.
I would honestly caution AGAINST redoing the bathroom. The walk in tub actually depreciates the value of a home, esp if it's the only bathroom.
You are wonderful for keeping her in her home--but the inevitable is that she will require more and more and more care and you will not be able to supply it. If she is 96, she can't possibly live too many more years, and you yourself must be in your late 60's or early 70's. I'm not even 65 yet and my mother exhausts me when I have to step in occasionally to spell YB. No way could she live with me!
It is sad when a person outlives their incomes....but it sure seems to happen a lot.
The maintenance you are doing is required for the health and well being of all living in the house. YOU are the owner of the house and hopefully YOU are paying for your own heater.
Mom can rest assured. At 96 they would lop her into memory care where the proceeds of any sale on any house would last her no time at all receiving about the same care.
After looking at it all and assessing it all there would be little difference here except that had she not done this then legal action some of the taxpayer money for care would have gone back to the taxpayer. You have cared for your Mom for a VERY LONG TIME, keeping her into her home approaching age 100, something rare in our times. I don't see that you have anything to feel bad about other than the bad feelings Mom has. Which you'll just have to live with and which could have been foreseen. So sorry for all the grief.
I really think you need to consult with an elder lawyer well versed in Medicaid laws. We are Caregivers that can share our experiences when it comes to Medicaid but you really need to contact ur County Medicaid office and talk to a caseworker or consult with a lawyer.
I hope you have POA.