Mom is 93 with Alzheimer’s. We interviewed an aide and think she can take care of mom. She’s been an aide for 15 years (from Philippines). She is a widow and would live in.
I am however concerned about the caregivers age and health (I don’t know if she’s healthy or not). She is obese. If it weren’t for these two things I’d be okay with her. What is your opinion? Any experience with aides this age?
It slightly depends on what you want her to do, but I wouldn't be worried about the age, and I wouldn't be worried about her size unless it prevents her from being normally mobile (which you can observe as she moves around the place). But as for a caregiver needing to be at peak fitness - anything beyond standard adult female strength you'd need lifting and mobility aides anyway, and it wouldn't matter if this lady were thirty and sylph-like.
The thing is, you could be passing up an absolute gem and genius of a caregiver, with fifteen years' satisfaction behind her, for the sake of mere assumptions.
There are horror stories on this forum about live ins. One took over. One wouldn't leave the house after the client died. Another moved her family in putting the client in the cellar apartment that the aide was living in and taking over the rest of the house. Another, once the client died, told the son she could live in the house but he would still need to keep it up.
If u go this route, get a lawyer involved. Have a contract drawn up naming all the reasons you can let her go. Distinguish if she is self employed or ur employee. ( depends on ur State laws concerning live in help) This will determine what tax deductions u will need to make.
If you go this direction, make sure all valuables are out of the house.
If it were me, I would put Mom in an AL. She will be safe, fed and cared for. You won't have to worry about needing aides. You do realize that ur going to need more than one aide. This woman can't expect to work 24/7 with no time for herself.
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