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Not to bring this to money but apply for unemployment right NOW!!! Some states I know mine is giving an additional $600/weekly (pandemic assistance program/loss job due to covid-19/caring for someone with covid-19) until 7/31 on top of your unemployment benefits that can at least help with some bills.$600 is better than Zero so please please look into /apply anything is better than nothing.Don’t give up your job 66 is not old you have to have a break too for your sanity...trust me I do everything for my bed ridden mother I love her to pieces but working somewhere else even if I’m exhausted it’s for me and my sanity.You are a caregiver not a maid or a slave.The social interaction alone will be better than being home all day with someone bed bound 24/7. You will start to deteriorate. I know I have it sneaks up on you !(first you’re like I got this then you barely go out ,24/7 with them getting depressed ,and I’ve gained weight rapidly ) not saying this is your fate just something to think about.You can’t live for someone no matter how much you love them.It’s not selfish to do something for yourself !!
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ktulsa1 Apr 2020
Hi Janedoe4150... I agree with your advice. But do you know if the $600 benefit per week is also given to part time workers who lost their job?
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Stay at your job for now. With this virus, no one really knows wha tis going tohappen anyways with anyone's job. Focus for NOW with hubby and if he should go BACK IN, which is a MIGHT, you wil have tha tjob to fall backl on. At your age, you have give enough up and you shoul dbe able to keep this job if it is satisfaction and you can handle what is home as well. You be your own Boss.
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Hang onto the job for the reasons you just mentioned- but please update your resume.

Also, should you find that you need another job, you may have a lot of difficulty at 66 finding a new position. The best way to FIND a new job is to already HAVE a job; it means that you are "employable" to potential employer.
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Definitely, without a single doubt ..
DON’T LEAVE YOUR JOB. Again,
DON’T LEAVE YOUR JOB!!!
It’s not about the money.
Do Not Leave Your Job.
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AT1234 Apr 2020
If I were to add something here, it’d probably be about extra money. If he’s this controlling stash some money. I don’t know why you feel like you deserve this treatment, but leave your job and the noose will tighten.
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I agree with a previous poster that you need to file for unemployment to get some money coming in.  Doing housework and waiting on him from sun up to sundown is work and he doesn't have a problem with you doing that..... Don't quit your job.  You need the socialization and the independence.  I just read your response below... You can't even read a book without him interrupting and telling you to do something else?  Really?  I would take my book and move to another room or go outside with it.  What's he going to do about it?  Sounds like him and his family have controlled your very existence.  Start making decisions for you.  It doesn't mean you can't care for him, but caring for him doesn't mean you can't have a life.  Reading a book, taking a quiet bath or a walk with the dog are very basic actions that you should be able to do without commentary or judgement from him.  You have been controlled by him for the last 46 years.  Nothing we say to you on this site is going override that.  I do hope you "hear" some of it and at least make some small decisions for yourself.
Take care.
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First, whatever you decide to do-do for you. Do not have regrets, do not feel any guilt, none, bout any decision you make. If you start playing; "What if....if only I...." sugar, that's a straight to hell road, you don't want. File for unemployment -whatever amount you get will help, plus, they're adding 600 per week to each check. Also, you can get it "back pay" status, from the time you went out of work. A Bonus...It seems he might be a tad jealous of you...you're up and moving, he's not. He's lost control of "head of household" status, that's hell on egos, & by controlling you, it feeds his male ego. But first and most important; Take time for YOU...and don't let guilt sneak in there, cause there is none. Care giving is hard, especially for a loved one...I did it for my hubby, & I do it for a living, everyday. A client/relative can & will suck you into their world, & If you're not careful, you'll be stuck there for the rest of your life. Guilt will keep you there, if you let it. So take breaks, set time aside just for you. Regret, guilt, is something we create in our own mind. Don't let it in yours.
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First, let me express sympathy for your hubby's situation and your current loss of a job. It appears you have several things to consider before making permanent decisions:

1 - Does your hubby need somebody to care for him 24/7? Is his condition such that you can not leave him for extended periods of time? I usually ask myself, can this person get to and from the toilet, feed self, and get out of home if there was a fire?

2 - What do you need to stay healthy: physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially? If your job is not really needed financially, does it provide for your other needs? Are there other means of meeting your needs that allow you to stay home with your husband?

3 - Financially, what does your family need to "make it"? Consider income and usual expenses. Also consider any "gap" payments you will need to make - the amount of financial obligations you need to cover for medications, doctor appointments and hospital stays. Unfortunately, the "gap" usually becomes more as we age.

4 - You also mention not "being alone". During COVID-19 pandemic everybody is experiencing some amount of social isolation. Now is a good time to find new ways to make friends and interact with others online.... and look forward to meeting again in person.
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There are some really great answers listed. I was thinking: consider scaling your days back at work from 5 days weekly to 3 days weekly. The catch is you don’t tell anyone that will tell him, that’s your time to do whatever your little heart desires, volunteer, arts & craft, water aerobics or hang out with us here on Aging.com. Apply for any government assistance available for your state and put it away or use it to fund your new hobbies. Lastly, the great thing is your husband is of sound mind... you’re still winning because caring for a loved one with Dementia equates to everything you’re already doing and loss of memory and functionality. In regards to the household chores, turn on the good old radio news or music and tell hubby you’re cleaning while sunbathing on the deck, porch, patio or balcony. 😉 Good luck.
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If you reread your own comments, you’ll realize you actually aren’t on the fence. You already know that you need to have a respite from your husband’s care and being productive at an important job sounds like it was working for you.
The timing is actually good. Your husband needs a lot of care right now, coming home from rehab, and you are there to help.
When things get back to a new normal, make arrangements for his care during the day and go back to your job.
was your husband a Veteran? Look into Aid & Attendance to help fund home care or even a daycare situation.
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First of all, there's no way you are too old for ANYTHING at 66! Except maybe being a caregiver to a bedridden person.

Was your husband always this controlling? You need to get out from other his prying eyes and his attempts to control your day and your life. If it's only to take a walk or drive, take time for yourself away from your husband. Good luck.
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Joy,

For the record, I don’t think you are too old to work. Look at the stats on seniors working. Lots do. My husband’s grandfather was married to a miserable woman.

He felt like being at home with her all day would kill him. He worked until he couldn’t anymore. He didn’t retire until his 80’s.

He would hop onto the streetcar with his newspaper and head downtown to his office.

Also, look at the elders who volunteer in hospitals, museums, etc. Plenty of seniors have part time jobs like you do.

I really do feel like this job is more than a paycheck for you. It is filling a need in your life. It is serving a purpose. You are appreciated and needed. You would be missed if you left.

Plus, it sounds like the teachers at your school have a strong bond that has a ‘family’ atmosphere.

Treasure that sense of community. Don’t throw that away. You are blessed to have that. They are blessed to have you. You are benefiting from each other.

You’re not dead yet! You have plenty of years left. It’s going to take a toll on you if you aren’t working. At the very least, accept a volunteer position.
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I've read all these replies and my first thought was: You need to be liberated. It's 2020, not 1974. You do NOT have to wait on him hand and foot. He probably figures he supported you all your married life with food, roof, clothes, etc. However, it was all done HIS way. He figures you have to pay him back now by taking care of him.
Do NOT quit your job. You deserve happiness.
Tell him if he doesn't lay off, you will have him in a facility.
Besides, taking care of him with all his physical needs will kill you before it does him.
It sounds like you have bent over backwards to please him.
Please, please take care of yourself and do what pleases you. He will just have to learn to live with it. It's YOUR turn!
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Whatever you decide, here is your new mantra whenever he tells you what to do, when to do it, or how to do it:

”I’m not looking for input on that right now, but thank you.”

Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat.
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Hello Ahmijoy. I agree it’s been a nightmare year for my family as well. Praying the latter will be better for us all.

I do not think this job is about the paycheck, it’s about your peace of mind and your break/escape from caring for your husband. He wants you to quit. What do you want? I think only you, your mind, your body, and your goals can determine if you're too old. But come on, 66? I see people way beyond that age bracket with much energy.

What do you mean when you say it impact’s your caregiving? Who says? I tell you as women we can guilt ourselves right into feeling like we're not doing enough. Then we have others telling us we're not doing enough and then we get into agreement.

But honestly, I think you already have your answer when you said, “you don’t want to give up your other family” and most importantly you need that, “break/escape from caring for your husband.”

Finally re-read what you wrote in the brackets. This is a hard life in itself. I know. I have a similar marriage. It only improved some once we separated and almost divorced behind control issues. You and I need that balance and I pray you find it and keep it. Read my post from long ago.

[He also has me under a microscope. He questions my every move and makes suggestions as to something else I should be doing. He thinks I need to be doing housework from sunup to sundown.]

Hugs Ahmijoy.
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Well, when I first read your title, I was going to say Yes, quit, to have less of a chance of contracting coronavirus and bringing it home.

I am 66 and quit my job end of December before all of everything today was going on, and wanted to stay home helping my mom (95 y.o.) who lives with me, and now I kind of miss working, BUT with all the COVID going on, I am staying home to prevent mom or me from getting it.

BUT, after reading your letter, I would say NO, do not quit when you have the ability to go back. My mom is very healthy and "young", and needs very little assistance, AND we are finally getting along better!

But for you, your situation is totally different and I agree you need that outlet !!! You must think of yourself and your mental health and happiness. I've often that about all the caregivers out there who do so much more than I am doing and feel very fortunate. If/when my mom would become bed bound, I honestly don't know if I could continue. But with this coronavirus, wow, I just hope the day she needs one is a long time from now.

Good luck to you and stay well and HAPPY, think of yourself!!!
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Maybe you could lower your hours depending on how demanding his caregiving will be in the summer time, so you are not doing so much work and still have your family outlet. Or you can join a caregiving support group, that would keep you out of the house for about 2 hrs at a time tops.
But I would not let go of your outlet at all, for I have learned through my caregiving classes I have taken that you need that. You need to do whatever it is that makes you happy and gives you some enjoyment, maybe you could do movie nights with the girls there as well. You need to talk with other people other than your husband.
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66 is very young! Do not quit your job. You need to have a life, too.
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You are temporarily unemployed now. You should see how it goes with hubby home and the corona virus before making that retirement move.

You will need an escape once in a while without getting the third degree on your wearabouts.

That will just add to your stress. No need to put yourself through that

GOD BLESS!
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What if you live to 100? From that perspective continuing to work and holding off on Social Security until age 72 could have big long-term financial impact. If your husband's health is poor, there is a strong probability that he will die before you. That also means that your household will lose his income. Worthy of a discussion with a savvy financial planner. Lots of people looking to sell you products, fewer that would work with you on a financial plan. Ask your friends for a personal referral. Last thing you need is a high pressure sales person.
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BBS2019 Apr 2020
There is no advantage to waiting to collect Social Security at age 72. Your potential benefits max out at age 70. After that, the benefit does not increase.
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Whoa. First of all my gut reaction before I reached the end was to say I wouldn't quit the job necessarily, but I'd really want to quit the marriage! I could not tolerate being married to a demanding and controlling guy like yours. Guessing this has always been the case...So you're his live-in cleaner, chef etc etc.
Yours is still a tough decision to make, especially if you can afford to put the money issues aside. Do you have funds to hire someone to help? Even someone once a week to clean? I'd do what is best for YOU. Money issues aside. Do you want to work even more part-time? Is that workable? Exhaustion shouldn't be in the picture, or you should try for it not to be...either from the job or caregiving. But if you get anything good out of the job, which you elaborated on, I'd keep it. Hubby will need to adjust. These next months will give you time to broach the new plan and to check out some private hire resources if only just for cleaning. And, if you decide to quit, hopefully you have made connections and can keep in touch even now with your coworker friends. Good luck!
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I'd say in the next 4-5 months you'll be able to make that decision for yourself. You're laid off now, right? And were told it may be 4-5 months? Oh honey, you'll be able to make that decision in that amount of time. I wish you luck. I know what I would do, but I don't have a situation like yours so I can't have any advice to offer.
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Actually I would not leave your part-time job. You as the caregiver need some space and it seems like you enjoy what you are doing. I would recommend that you
contact your Division for Senior Services in your County and see if there are any free or affordable services your husband maybe entitled to that could help him while you are at work.
Was he a Vet? Try calling the VA to see what they can assist with.
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You need some kind of relief from caring for your husband 24/7. If you enjoy the job, by all means find a way to continue. Perhaps your husband will discover during this period of quarantine that you get on each other's nerves (like the rest of us). Many couples find retirement a bit challenging until they get some kind of system in place for not suffocating each other. You would not give up your favorite things in retirement, would you? No, you definitely do not want to be alone the rest of your life and it is hard to start from scratch when you have isolated for too long.
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If the job is for your emotional well being and stability, I would keep it. It sounds like you enjoy your coworkers so why quit? I hope you are staying in contact with your co workers during the pandemic for some needed support. Taking care of yourself and your needs allow you to be a better caregiver.
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If he "has you under a microscope" I would not give up your job when you can return, since it probably keeps you sane. I'd also tell him that if he thinks there are more unfinished tasks around the house that need attention, it's time he got up and did some of them himself. It's not all on you. That would be my diplomatic reply. My real reply would be less diplomatic.

PS. I worked until I was 69 and then had to help out two sick parents. Just got a call from my former employer, wanted to rehire me as a contractor, again, for the 5th round. Decided that even for $ 100 an hour, I was done with that. I want some retirement years to myself. But for some seniors, outside work is life.
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I am 62, and work in a COVID unit at my hospital. It is indeed stressful now, but I have to remember I loved my job before this, and I still love it,, just more stressful now. My hubs agrees that I should not retire now,, I am happier getting out and feeling usefull ( those patients need care too), and my sanity depends on getting away from home once in awhile! He is a smart man,, I am pretty grumpy and testy when I am stuck at home too long.. and he is better at managing mom than I am most days!
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Well, if he is bedridden, someone needs to be with him. If you can afford to hire outside help and you want to continue working - then do it. Once you've been home with him all summer due to the day care closure, it's probably going to be an argument when you try to return. So you need to decide if you want to work outside the home or take care of him and let him know what the plan will be as businesses start to open up again.
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I volunteer two mornings a week. It’s just enough. How about volunteering at that same daycare. You get away from your husband, get your friend time and it’s a nice compromise . Then you have time on your days off to clean without being exhausted and are in a mood to deal with him because you’ve had your break. Just a thought.
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"If you did housework from sunup to sundown," you'd certainly be 120% done in 2 to 3 days. It sounds like your part time job is a little escape for you. But on the other hand, your husband is bedridden. Since this is part time employment, it is a guarantee that you will be back employed once the Novel Coronavirus is done?
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Ahmijoy, age 66 is still young. How long is your family longevity? Can you afford to stop working? Make your serious decision before quitting, beyond what your Hubby advises. You may need to pay more into Social Security via your employer, even with its little wages. You can maximize at age 70, but this depends on how healthy you are.
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