Mom is 87. Voluntarily went into AL after she overdosed on meds.
Pays $5,200 for 1 bed/all meals/laundry/housekeeping/3 showers week. The unit she was supposed to go into they switched and put her in one at the end of the hall. This wing is supposed to provide 'vip' service where they can call at any time. now they are backpeddling.
The call button oftentimes doesn't work. Neither does wi-fi. She's been there less than 5 months and the toilet has backed up into the shower 3 times. Last time they made her go in an empty room down the hall because they couldn't get a plumber out for days. The shower is wrongly connected to the sewage pipe. The air conditioner leaked water on the carpet 3 times and they had to replace it once. The key fob to her apt doesn't work. (Supposedly struck by lightning.) And this place was built in 2018!
The food is decent. The caregivers seem nice but seem somewhat understaffed. 1 person at night for about 35+. Maintenance man is an idiot. never follows thru. Housekeeping staff is great. They just had a big turn over of the ED and other staff that seemed caring. The ED woman seems like a witch. The nurse is a liar and called me about someone else's mother ranting she needed to pay more for the woman's care. After her rant, I had to remind her that wasn't my mother. (HIPPA violation!)
Mom fell in the bathroom and broke her hip in May. Then fell again yesterday. She said she laid there for 4 hours screaming for help. The nurse says it was 2. The night before she pressed the call button for 2.5 hours and someone finally showed up. This is an ongoing issue, not just with her but other residents.
Mom has anxiety and high BP. She can work herself up to 200+ BP, then drop it down with deep breathing to 130 in minutes. The nurse wants her to be on med management, but I refuse because the second day she was there, a worker came in to give her someone else's meds! I was there and saw it all.
Mom complains a lot, but she has a lot to complain about. I've asked she be moved, but the two apts available, one was a studio and the other didn't have a patio which she has now.
She likes the exercise classes, goes to happy hour for the food, but rarely participates in anything else. I've had to hire external caregivers to get her on/off the pot. She's not really progressed since she broke her hip. The exercise classes are pretty basic.
I feel like we're paying for an expensive broken down apartment. I know she likes having other people around her, but her day is eat breakfast in her room, go to exercise at 11, eat lunch in room, go to happy hour at 4 and sit away from the group, then eat dinner in room, watch tv, go to bed.
The place is about a 20-25 minute drive away and I find myself going there 2-4 times a week to play 'interference' with issues she's having. It's exhausting having an 'extra layer' of stupid to deal with and the constant suggesting of her having to pay more, or the possibility they could kick her out at any time. It's overwhelming and I'm at my wits end dealing with these dimwits.
I live in a nice gated apartment complex. I could get her a place that's about 200 sq. ft larger where everything works and the maintenance staff is great. It'd be steps way from me. I wouldn't mind getting her up and making breakfast, getting her ready for the private caregivers to spend with her. Wouldn't mind taking off for lunch, taking her out for a walk, then going back to work and then coming to see her in the evening.
She has caregivers 8 hours a day she pays extra for because the AL place really doesn't help her. I feel if I move her, she looses the social aspect. But if she stays, it just keeps getting worse and I keep getting mad at her. What would you do?
The rent would be $1400. Food would be maybe $500. Caregivers now/if she moved would be the same $6500, so about $3-4K less if she moved into an apartment and
if your mom has the funds to continue with caregivers coming in , and you want to pay for that service.. go ahead. But , you should not need to. Unfortunately, caregivers cannot be there immediately. Your mom starting to fall, this does not get better. The length of time your mom was on the floor probably seemed longer to her.. but I would think she still didn’t get immediate care, and was there for sometime.
i found at my my moms weekend staffing stank.. call buttons don’t get answered as they should. I think we see them as being answered like a hospital…
My mom started falling more, she progressed rather quickly, to taking her walker away, to struggle to stand , to trouble to pivot , to being a hoyer lift…. My mom passed a number of weeks later. Not that’s going to happen like that to your mom… but she’s aging …. If you move her to a home by you, it will be unsafe, you cannot be in two places 24 hours..
This is one of the highest rated places in the area. That's the sad part. There aren't many alternatives. And if required moving her to a NH would be the same thing. The facility only has memory care.
The social aspect I thought could be handled by getting her out three times a week to adult day care or church programs.
For me it's trying to handle both the AL and the personal caregivers and her. Plus the drive when I have to advocate for her, which is frequent. Plus moving her would save $$ so when she really does need round the clock care she's have it. Right now she's pretty with it, could do some things on her own, etc.
I'd also hammer them on a Yelp review. Be honest, state the facts, and go into detail, because if you merely say "this place is a dump," or something like that, then Yelp won't put it up.
Moving her to a regular apartment sounds like a bad idea to me. She needs help. She needs socialization. I would not suggest that you sign up for that.
Good luck
My folks lived in Assisted Living for 7 years and never had any of the issues you mentioned. So if it were me in your shoes, I'd look for a different ALF and certainly one where I did NOT have to hire caregivers for $6500 a month which defeats the purpose of AL in the first place. If your mother requires THAT level of care, then AL is not the right place for her; she needs Skilled Nursing.
Good luck!
The idea of bringing your Mom home does sound good. But don't be surprised if the rent in your gated community has gone up. My Dad had a professional caregiver for 8 hours, then he needed a 2nd shift, and before I knew it, he needed a night shift. Having 3 shifts per day was costing him $20,000 per month, yes per month. The caregivers were wonderful and I wouldn't have traded that time he had with them for anything. They made his day happy.
After reading about your Mom, she needs higher care than what is offered at Assisted Living. I am surprised the facility hasn't called you in to explain the situation. And please note, since your Mom has her own private caregiver at Assisted Living, the facility caregivers are not going to overstep that caregiver's boundaries.
Hope you can find a win-win solution.