Mom has vascular dementia and is entering the last stage. She keeps asking me what’s wrong with her, why is she always so scared, why can’t she remember anything and when will she be back to normal. Should I tell her she has memory issues and that’s why we’re always here to remind her of things? I’ve been told not to tell her but she keeps thinking she’s going insane, which increases her anxiety exponentially. Thank you.
You are having some problems with tiny blood vessels in your head. The Doctors are treating it with medication as best they can.
We have very little spoken interactions, but sometimes she tries.
I Can read lips enough to see “l love You”, after I say “I love you. Do you love me back?”
Still grateful for that and for the huge blue eyes, clear and perhaps even a bit curious, even after over a year in hospice.
There is no moral failing with brain damage...it's just...brain damage. an injured organ.
Dementia has such a negative connotation to it and ties into going "crazy".
If she wants to understand, try to find ways of explaining. You're right to reassure her that she will always have support and you will make sure that everything is okay, but I wouldn't fob her off if she's actually asking.
Keep reminding her of this. I believe it will put her at ease.
"Mom your brain is not working the way it should. I know you are scared but we are all here to make sure that you are safe."
If she asks if she is going to get better your response could be
"Right now the doctors do not know how to fix the problem you have."
Telling her or not will not make a difference.
If you tell her once and she gets very upset do not tell her again.
If you tell her and she accepts what you have told her then you can tell her again when she asks. (and she will)
If she gets upset you can come up with other "excuses" that might not upset her as much. The main thing is to make sure that she knows that she is safe.
So I say tell her but do it kindly and with hugs!
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