My husband is 69 and has had dementia for 4 years. He can be volatile and obnoxious at times. Recently he fell down a flight of stairs and sustained a brain injury as well as broke all his ribs in multiple places on one side. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks and then moved to a rehab for the past 3 weeks. He is stir crazy and no longer receiving rehab but just stuck in the facility. He has attacked nurses 3 different times and has moderate to severe sundowning. The facility is in Maine where the accident occurred but we live in PA. I have been told that assisted living is best for his safety and mine. He is sometimes rational and begs to be taken home, promises to behave, etc. His dementia is definitely worse than before the fall. I am torn about the best next move. All is complicated by the fact that we live 8 hours away. I do not feel safe driving him home. How does one decide?
I am sharing this because you sound so much like my mom, when she brought him home against our wishes. She would never make the "hard choice" and kept waiting for "someone else" to make the decision for her, which wasn't going to happen. Once you do that, when the "emergency" occurs, and it will, you won't have any choice. He will be placed wherever there is a spot that the social worker can place him. If you have the luxury of finding an appropriate place now, I suggest you do so.