My mother who is 82 has been declining for several years, it started with repeating herself and now has progressed into having what I call timeline issues. For example things she showered yesterday when it really has been two weeks. Do I confront her with the reality? I tried to talk about it and she denies anything is wrong. She refuses any medical tests including basic memory tests from the doctor so we cannot get an accurate diagnosis.
If she has you can honestly say since you will not go to the doctor for tests we don't know for sure.
But will she remember that? Probably not
If you tell her she has dementia will she remember that? Probably not.
She wants to know she is safe.
Her world is shrinking. She will be happier with smaller groups, with familiar places. Less noise and confusion.
Confronting her with reality...her reality is now totally different than your reality. As difficult as it is try to "go with the flow" and pick your battles. Dig your heels in when it is truly important. And you will find that there really isn't a lot that is TRULY important.
You can get aids that are great in getting someone to shower if it is difficult for you. The CNA that helped with my Husband while he was on Hospice seems to have the "magic touch" when it comes to getting people to shower or bathe from the stories she told me. (I asked because this comes up in the support groups I go to and I asked if she had any words of wisdom)
You can give her doctor the heads up before hand. I typed up a list of my observations to the doctor, so she would know what to look for when she sees the patient. The right doctor can conduct an office eval in a very calm and nonthreatening way. The doctor can also check for infections, medication issues, nutrition issues, hormone problems, etc. The doctor may be able to rule out other causes for the cognitive decline. And, if appropriate, he can refer her to specialist or place on medication if she would benefit from it. Some types of dementia don't respond to medication. She might resist, but, it just takes trying different things to get them to accept. Things coming from her doctor might be easier for her.
That's what I focused on with my LO. Her doctor wanted her medications administered correctly, proper nutrition, physical therapy, proper rest, etc. I reinforced that all of this would help promote better health and memory. So, even though, her doctor told her that she had dementia, she didn't really understand what it meant. And, I didn't keep mentioning it either, because, she would have forgotten it. Even when the neurologist told her that she had dementia, she just said that she didn't want to lose memories of her parents, but, she seemed to forget about it a little while later that day. She never mentioned it again.
So, even if you tell her, there's no guarantee that she will accept it, believe it or even remember it. So, to me, it just depends on what works for your situation at the time. Getting through each day with the LO being protected and cared for, is really all you can really hope to achieve. Getting a PWD to bathe, is often an ordeal and is addressed with different strategies. Having them understand, process, accept and work with you on things......I suppose it happens, but, I don't see it that often.
Any time my Dad would call me saying he can't remember something, I would tell him I have that same problem, too. Told him that as we age that the file drawers of information in our brain are full, and sometimes the drawers get stuck :) Got Dad laughing so that made him feel a bit better.
What you can do is tell her the doctor appointment she set a month ago is tomorrow or in a couple of days. That she wanted to make sure that she made her appointment because medicare wants to be certain she gets her annual exam, etc.
Redirect as much as you can.
“I’m a strider, not a limper; I’m a shout and not a whimper.”
Seems to invite my inner Wonder Woman to take over while my inner Eeyore takes a long and restful nap.
Thank You!!