He has fully recovered from the hip injury but needs assistance w/ daily living, and is easily confused and i am concerned that mom cannot care for him upon return home. We will get some help, but am wondering if parents should move into an assisted living facility so that mom can get support as needed. What are costs? Anyone have any insight on best time to transition and if this is going to be very costly... thanks!
And the reason I even brought that up is because it's probably VERY different if both parents leave the home for assisted living.
The suggestion has been made to see an elder care attorney, an NAELA certified one would be best, as probate and estate attorneys don't always know the ins and outs of Medicaid. Do not pass go!
(I am now in the situation you fear for your mother -- I cared for my husband with dementia for ten years and now I'm a widow with no savings, very little retirement funds left, no life insurance, etc. etc. -- and a big mortgage on the house.)
I suggest that you see an attorney who specializes in Elder Law and/or a certified financial planner well acquainted with Medicaid rules, and figure out the best way to proceed to protect as many assets as possible for your mother's future use.
A day health center is an excellent way to help avoid burn-out for Mom. Keep in mind that Dad could have fallen at home just as easily as at a center.
A place that offer continuous levels of care might be ideal. I know a couple that moved into an independent living apartment on such a campus. When the husband's dementia became too much for her to handle, he moved into the memory care unit and she visited him daily, using their skyway system and never having to go outside to do it. These kinds of arrangements can be quite expensive.
Do you think that your dad might be eligible for Medicaid? In some states Medicaid can cover part of assisted living costs -- if you can find a facility that accepts Medicaid.
Medicaid will also provide some in-home care. They could start with that and consider moving if/when that is not sufficient.
I suggest contacting your parents' county Social Services department and asking for a needs evaluation. They can help you determine what services, if any, Dad might be eligible for, and how to qualify for those services.
Best wishes to you as you start this journey.