Should I just see it as just compensation for my sister's efforts? After my father's death we have all become estranged, my mother might have even disinherited me. I have tried to communicate with my sister but she's even more self-righteous than me! My father asked me to help him with his healthcare and we had a loving, caring relationship. If I out-live my parents, whose estate is worth 100's of thousands at this time, and my mother's care leaves anything left, and my sister doesn't spend it all, he wouldn't want me left with nothing while my sister lives off what he worked so hard to provide my mother and us.
I am sorry I do not know what you are referring to in your comment back to me. Can you bring me up to pace with that one? I thank you so much. I don't get paid and where does it say I should get paid. The Aid and Attendance is for military persons who get a military pension from what I was told. My father did not get that and I will not get into why on here he did not get it. He did get an honorable discharge due to his illness when he served in the war but no pension. I was confused by your comment. Please reiterate. Thank you.
It is as if my feelings do not matter and all respect has flown out the window towards me. They say oh ignore that it is the sickness. Yeah we know that one but you try to ignore it all the time and then especially coming from one you love and has loved and been there for you all your life. I feel that I am being taking advantage of now. I know that sounds harsh but in all reality it is how I FEEL!! I can not do it on Thanksgiving to take him there Lord knows there will be all out war in this house and I do not like drama anymore! Yes my son would go see him and the rest would probably go see him there too..hmmmm. I am not sure they all are busy. I hear this all the time. Oh well I hate to keep going over spilt milk here but it is good to talk about it. I however need to ask of this. Is there privacy in here? I see facebook, google and tweet buttons up there. Why would anyone want to disclose this personal information on twitter or facebook or google? I thought I would ask that one and yes I know it is not on topic but I am still a Newbie here:):)
Blessings to you willowrose
There once was a willow rose
Here she is and there she goes
Oh Willow Rose how fair and fine
I extend to you the gift of time..
I just made that one up just now.
Sweet dreams to you and all the caretakers and know you are not alone. we are in this together. One big care-taking team I call it! God Bless You! All of you.
If there is duress or trickery involved, that is another matter. But we have no evidence of that in these posts.
Peace to us all.
whirled peas (like) world peace- saw it on a bumper sticker somewhere and it stuck. . .
Ya, well, you won't get any negative response from me about what you've written because, when you gotta go you gotta go. My Dad should have been in assisted living with a team approach. When your Dad's there you can be part of a team, and hopefully, you'll both have a better quality of life. You can hopefully have nice visits together, etc. And he'll probably form new relationships there. He's a little scared but he'll be ok.
The day my Dad died the nurse on duty said, "what the hell happened here!" "We were absolutely shocked at the condition he came here in," she added. Also she stated, "this guy should have been on a morphine pump months ago." Ya, melanoma took him, and took him bad. My family couldn't be reasoned with, by me or the hospice staff (home visits). You don't want to have the stress wreaking havoc with your relationships, you gotta share the care.
Talk "feelings" after you get him to the respite where there are professionals around to help out if he acts up. He got in your face. I don't like that. If you put that out in the forum I bet other people would agree that that's a deal breaker. Avoid confrontation till your in a safe environment with professionals around who can handle whatever happens, as a team. In the safe respite environment you can all work out your feelings that you're all having through due to those stages of loss You'll probably have access to a social worker and minister there, as well.
When is your brother going to transport him? Maybe you can start with Thanksgiving dinner there and that could be his first positive experience there? Would your son go to visit him there? Then you could all whirl your peas at respite.
I read another of your entries. It truly is time. It was time yesterday.
Do you want to be present when he ultimately passes? You've got to build up your physical strength first. I can see that your mind and spirit are what you're running on right now.
The YMCA has financial assistance and it has helped me a lot. When the brain and spirit run a muck-just get physical, they say. All kinds of good brain chemicals appear. Find ways there to work the stronger parts and go easier on the vulnerable parts.
My Dad volunteered there and went together. I almost wrote we go together. Makes me smile a little. I still feel his spirt with me there. I sure miss him even though it's been 6 years.
I never thought I could bear it. I don't know where the ability to actually sing came from. Oh wait, ya, I do know Who it came from. Notice the upper case: and that is from Whom your strength will come.
I really liked Jeanne Gibbs pragmatic answer to my problems. I think she's right. Things may not go the way he'd hoped for me. He worked so hard all his life, as his parents before him, his mother divided her estate equally. She didn't needed the care giving services that my mother need.
If there was any safe way I could reconcile with my family I would. In this world, but this bible verse comforts me "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face."(Cor 13:12) We all can't see the forest for the trees on this planet sometimes.
We'll chat again another day.
Thanks again for your support.
STAY SAFE. Over and out.
I hope you can patch things up with your mother and sister. I too think that is the best way. I did catch the last line where your sister was living off of what your father earned. I am surprised to read someone who was once a cg say something like this. If your mother is receiving care, your sister is entitled to compensation if they can afford it and she wants it.
If your mother needs care and your sister is providing it, your sister is entitled to compensation (whether she has POA or not.) Ideally there would be a personal care agreement drawn up that spells out what services she provides and what she gets in return.
Is what Sister is getting a fair compensation for what she is providing? I have no idea. You didn't provide any information about that. Of course, many parents take in an adult child and/or grandchildren in special situations, such as after a divorce, without expecting any thing in return. Probably the most important question here is whether your mother is acting of her own free will or whether she is being tricked. Do you have any reason to suppose that Sister is abusing the situation? Any evidence?
Family estrangements are sad. It sounds like something happened while you were taking care of Father, or immediately after. We have no idea if/why your mother might disinherit you, but it is probably something she has a right to do (which wouldn't make it right, but it could be legal.) If Father left his entire estate to Mother, then Mother can do with it as she pleases. If Mother is estranged from you and wants to support Sister she can do that.
The best solution here (and not only for financial reasons) would be to heal the family estrangement.
Can your sister and her kids live with your mother? Yup, if mother is in her right mind and it is what your mother wants.
One last thing I want to throw out there and again this is only my opinion. Some adult children will latch onto a parent if they know there is alot of money involved. Do you see what I am saying? If your mother and father had no money would the circumstances be different? I have seen this all the time as well. The intent is not to caretake them - the intent is to get what they can out of them when they leave this earth realm. I have a word for this and it is called disgrace. Again I am only voicing my own thoughts and opinions and never to offend anyone here. For another example: My father who I am tending to has nothing. Even if he did I would of still tended to him. So what I am saying is the money can or cannot be a factor and if you are legally and rightfully entitled to any inheritance you must protect that. Check out the elder law here as well. Listen up I have only been here like two days and I am answering others questions already so bear with me as I am still a newbie but have been around the block so to speak on many things. Blessings to you willowrose. Nice to meet you and do not lose sleep over this if you can. We are all going through something in our lives at this time and being here for one another is wonderful. I am impressed with this site.