Has anyone in this group experienced a sibling who took ALL the money belonging to their parents but the WILL said it should be shared?

My sister took care of our parents for years. I live in another state. Do you think "I" deserve ANY of that money? NO! She earned it. She gave up all of her future personal benefits, i.e. earnings into social security to care-take our parents. Thank you sister, you're worth your weight in gold.

I'm sorry, I know this is going to sound really harsh - but your parents had assets to pay for their care, and they chose to put those assets into a Medicaid trust, to 'protect the inheritence". So the taxpayers (that's me, because I also live in NY) pay for the care for your parents, who had the means to do so, and you are going to come and ask how you can legally get your half of that money that they saved by using Medicaid to pay for their care?

I know a Medicaid trust is legal; and I know this is an issue of "don't hate the player, hate the game"...but when you put property into an irrevocable trust and name someone as the trustee, the trustee can also legally empty that trust out with no questions asked. That's the risk you take in order to reap the rewards of legally gaming the system.

Sorry, but I can't feel too sorry for you.

If your parents were on Medicaid, there is NOT a LOT of money. Funds had to be spent down on your PARENTS to qualify. Sounds like your brother did all the heavy lifting and now you want a cut. God bless you. I hope this doesn’t ruin your relationship with brother. Why not “ talk” to him before you think lawsuit?

I had this happen. Get a lawyer right away!! I cannot state that enough. I was told it by my sibling the will was none of my business. It is my business. I was not given answers. Ignored. Just smiled at with a cheshire grin, as they walked away. As they stole items, sold off others. And abandoned other items they said to a court they took care of.
You have a right to know, and to get answers.
I got a lawyer and found out all sorts of things. You have a right to know what is going on. You have a right to answered questions, and to see a list of assets. I was never told anything. My sibling lied to me, to another lawyer, tried to leave me with a huge bill and a nursing home lawyer coming after me. I got that stopped. There is much more. You want to know more contact me.
I cannot state this enough. Get a lawyer right away. I felt guilty as heck, but had to do it. And am glad I did it. There was a lot going on that I didn't know about. And sibling walked off with prob >150k.

I still feel guilty, but then think of everything I didnt know about and wouldnt if I hadnt done it. The lawyers of the firm even said my sibling was a piece of work.
Do not hesitate! And do not feel guilty. They will make him give an accounting to what happened. He cannot decide for himself he gets everything. He gets to pay himself everything, and you get nothing. He has a fiduciary duty to carry out the will as stated.
Stop feeling guilty and do it. There is so much that happened to me, I don't want to go into it here. But I am glad I did it. I had no idea how much my sibling hated me until I found out what was going on.
Get a lawyer!!!!!! Do it now! Do not hesitate. Do not feel bad about it. If you think there is something there, there is!! I had no idea the depths my sibling went to to screw me over. Do it now!!!!

I know that many of the responses to your post have been that you should sue your brother. It is not your fault that you live far away and did not have the opportunity to do your share of the caregiving. But it is not your brothers fault that he was close by and had to take care of it all. He should be compensated for doing all of the work and taking on all of the stress.

If we were talking about a huge amount of money (millions) and your brother hired out the caregiving, the tax filing, the managing of everything to someone else, this would be a different conversation. But if she had a Millers trust (Medicaid), then there is hardly any money and you probably owe him money for all of the time spent in dealing with all of this. Trust me, until you have dealt with it, you don't have a clue.

My suggestion is to send him a heart felt thank you note for taking on the nerve racking, life sucking, never ending job of caregiving and let it go.

There's no way around it. If you really want to do something about your brother's behavior as the executor of your mother's estate, you would be wise to speak with a probate attorney. Of course, you will want to first find out about the statute of limitations.

There appear to be a few things going on here. His POA is void now that your mother is dead. I'm guessing the Medicaid trust is a Medicaid Asset Protection Trust and that now your mother is dead the assets in the trust are to be distributed to named beneficiaries. You also mention accounts and I take that to mean Pay on Death accounts (bank checking accounts for instance) or Transfer on Death accounts. Your mother would have had to sign a document naming your brother, you, or someone else as beneficiary of a TOD or POD account. If she had any beneficiary accounts that did not name a beneficiary, the asset becomes part of her estate governed by her will. If you haven't seen your mother's last will and testament, you should be able to access it through the probate court in the city/country where she was living.

From your description, you believe your brother has breached his fiduciary duty as your mother's executor and possibly as the trustee of the trust. You can present your case to the court yourself but you'll probably be better off hiring an attorney. At the very least, the attorney can write him a letter to inform him of the laws he may have broken and what remedies you may have.

If you really want to avoid hiring an attorney, you can check to see if the probate court where the will was filed has a mediation program. You and your brother sit with a neutral third-party who gives the two of you a chance to work this out.

I could not give advice unless I knew what the care involved and for how long. I have a greedy sister who does not help in any way with mom, she can't even be nice, but is certainly concerned about getting stuff when mom goes. Was your brother there everyday for years, or was it just an occasional grocery store run?

Obviously you have to talk to a lawyer. Probate varies in every state. Unless you’re talking way in excess of $2 million, you’re going to end up fighting over a pittance. I suggest mediation if at all possible. I don’t think your brother is “greedy” for expecting to get the lion’s share if he was the one caring for your mother. Showing up for inheritance and not being there for years is the definition of greed.

Executer of a will is legally obligated to distribute assets as specified in the will and cannot just "take" the assets. But it sounds as though Mom was on Medicaid so I can't imagine how there would be "a lot of money." Also, no matter what the will says Medicaid is entitled to be repaid after a recipient passes away if there are assets remaining such as a house, which would have been an exempt asset during the recipient's lifetime. You mention a "Medicaid Trust." Is this a Medicaid Asset Protection Trust? This is a type of trust that can be set up at least 5 years before a person expects to go on Medicaid. These trusts have a trustee and named beneficiaries and are exempt from the Medicaid estate recovery program. If you were named as a beneficiary of the trust, brother can't just take the assets of that either. Have you seen the will and the terms of the trust? Anyone named in a will must be allowed to see the will and be notified when it is probated. Brother may be entitled to be paid out of the assets of the trust and the will for his role serving as executor and trustee but he is legally responsible for carrying out the terms of both. It does sound as though he did a lot (most?) of the heavy lifting for your parents in their elder years becasue of his proximity, so it's perhaps understandable he may feel entitled to a larger share--but that doesn't translate to it being legally allowed.

Swan, Basing your hopes of $ now in 2022 on what $ there in 2014 imo does not work & only keeps you in unhappinesses. I think you’ll find that the folks actually spent down their $ to private pay for care, and/or do co-pays and to deal with their normal costs of living expenses and whatever costs their co-op board mandated. TOD or POD went upon death to whomever was named as beneficiary on those accounts….. if folks had it be your bro in 2014, 2017 or a week before they died, and did not name you, it is what it is.

Regarding their home, so it is a co-op in the Bronx?
If YES, the structure of what co-op’s are in NYS matters big time.

Your brother imo wasn’t being nefarious in what happened w/creating a NY Medicaid Asset Protection Trust involving parents co-op.
If I’m not mistaken, here’s why….. co-ops are beyond unique in how they are NOT an asset considered “real property” for NY Medicaid. So as a co-op is not considered real property, it’s not countable asset. You cannot & do not actually truly own a co-op outright a home or a condo. You have shares and a proprietary lease. Legal structure for coops are a BLANKET MORTGAGE, so single mortgage over entire structure AND coops require involvement and approval of co-op board for a unit to be “sold” which really is a transfer of the proprietary lease. And co-op boards have shown they DNGAF or a rats butt about Medicaid as there is no true asset there for Medicaid.

Co-ops do not get sold per se, like what we traditionally think of the process for selling a home. So again if I’m not mistaken, its because of this uniqueness of the legal structure for co-ops that it’s kinda routine for elders living in a co-op to have their share put into a NYS Medicaid Asset Protection Trust and Income Trust. There’s a bunch of NYC atty who do MAPTs exclusively. The co-op boards encourage folks to get the Medicaid Trust done. Its an irrevocable Trust that enshrines the co-op structure as above pesky interlopers like Medicaid or other debtors and places elders income sources into a Trust. Income Only Trust. There is no look back for community based Medicaid so your parents doing the Trust was a totally legit move to be ok for community Medicaid.

NYS Medicaid Trust / MAPT are not the “keep guv mint from Maws $” type of dubious asset transfers that seem to flourish in other states.
NYS imo ones happen to get beyond the problem having elders truly “at need” for Medicaid services not being able to get Medicaid due to the legal structure of co-ops. NYC has huge #s of elders in coops in all the boroughs. Co-Op City development in the Bronx has 44K residents alone. That the MAPTs endup allowing the unit to be “sold” with $ going to whomever named as beneficiary as per the MAPT and also allows no real worries on capital gains, is a side benefit.

If you decide to get an atty to deal with all this, please ask their level of experience in dealing with MAPTs and co-ops. On your being upset on things needed to be done to parents old unit, the Board may have a very specific list of requirement that must be done before a lease transfer can happen. If the “owners” heirs or family doesn’t do things on the list, the Board can hire someone to paint, clean, remove furnishings. Doing things to piss off the Board not in your or your brothers best interest. Remember the Board has the ultimate decision making ability on the co-op getting “sold” & paperwork gettting done.