Up to this point, she hasn't exhibited any level of caring about my mom at all and didn't deny this when I confronted re her attitude. At times it almost seems she is being motivated by my other sister in her actions. Both sisters are very bitter, controlling.
Worked for the first page and then I decided, they were on a need to know basis...I had already enough to do...thank you!
cadams
Along those lines, "The beatings will continue until morale improves."
That would be a way to let her know how things are. Giving her an opportunity to nitpick your decisions and daily use of time is a bad idea.
Same premise of when husbands say taking care of a 2 year old is so easy.
Yes. Apparently, I'm a) secretive; b) defensive; c) impossible to talk to; d) behaving suspiciously; e) a control freak; f) unable to cope…
I keep trying to write an email with the subject line: "Worrying about mother? Want to know more about what's going on? Meet me halfway: express an interest…"
And the email goes on to explain how I think good, clear, constructive communication might work for us as a family, with my three older siblings all living 50-130 miles away, and my mother and myself living together. But then when I start citing examples of where we're going wrong, meaning to start putting it right, the whole message all goes to pot and invariably winds up with something like "so if you want to make my life easier why don't you just f*** off and die - "
Which I feel would probably not set their minds at rest, or indeed improve relations in general.
Now then. What I have found helpful FOR ME in the past, though, is keeping a daily diary-cum-to-do-list-cum-contact-sheets-cum-memo-pad, all in a Moleskine exercise book with a pocket on the back cover for tickets, receipts, appointment letters, what have you. And one of the virtues of this system is that, whoever you're talking to - sibling, doctor, company you've ordered from whose delivery hasn't turned up - you've got everything down there right in front of you. It's also great if you've got a complicated meds regimen to follow, and for keeping track of what she's eaten so you can spot where her appetite tailed off/picked up again, and for weird things she came out with that you want to report to the next medic you see - everything. You've got the complete eye-witness daily record.
It has also crossed my mind that if I were to staple her prescription list to the inside of the front cover, and an emergency contacts sheet, The Book of Mother could be a life saver if I ever get struck by lightning or wind up in hospital or otherwise get suddenly taken out. [Note to self: do that. Don't just think about it for another couple of months.]
And, what right exactly would your sister have to demand to see this sacred volume? None at all, frankly. She can "do one," as my daughter would put it. If, on the other hand, you are feeling magnanimous and gracious; and IF you perhaps think that this offensive and arrogant demand might in some twisted way actually be intended as your sister's expression of some wish to participate in your mother's care… Well, then you could think about sharing it. Some of it. Maybe. In a way that suits you.
I have one exception to my personal rule of sharing information on demand, which is the best policy I've come up with to date; and the exception is my brother's wife. The reason I'm struggling with what to do about her is that she is INCREDIBLY STUPID - no, strike that out. But she is the sort of person who gets hold of the wrong end of the stick and will never let it go; and in a clinical context that is fantastically dangerous. If you also have worries that your sisters might, intentionally or not, misunderstand or misuse detailed information about your mother, then you have another problem altogether; and if/when I think of what to do about it I'll let you know.
So: it's a good idea to keep detailed information for yourself. Sharing it? - up to you. Good luck, and my goodness I feel for you. xxx