We live in California (don't know if California Code pertains to some of the children who currently don't assist parent financially).
My sister specifically said I was not to go to mom's house as I stir her up too much and it causes her Crohn's to flare up. Mom agrees with her (sister has put mom totally dependent on her). She writes when she wants money "for mom". I don't send anything, but one brother sends her money (cash) every month without no thank you from mom or sister. Sister has promised mom that she would take care of her forever.
Question is: if sister decides to place mom in a NH or AL can she come after us for money?
Back in 2011, mom was diagnosed with early dementia and now things are better (according to sister). I didn't know once diagnosed with dementia, iyou could get better from it.
Not only did I find an inconsistency about the financial contribution situation, it appears as if there is in fact an ongoing history of bad relations but that the questions and "requests" for help still continue, without any mention of what action, if any, the OP has taken to address the situation.
My position is that if help and advice are requested, the solicitor has at least some obligation to address the grievances. I'm not getting that impression.
Nor has the OP returned to this thread to comment.
I feel like I've been conned -- I am sooo out of this thread!
I say this because I had a friend whose sister moved their father out of his home (increasing dementia) when her mother died. She moved him into her home and refused to allow my friend to see him. She heard through the grapevine that her sister was going out more and her standard of living went up! Turns out she was spending all his retirement checks as they arrived each month and also using his savings "supposedly" on him. My friend finally sneaked in their home to see him, he was in tears he was so happy she came. His dementia was not that bad that he didn't miss her, and he was unhappy. It turned out sister was using him for the extra income, she was locking him in one room, he was dirty, not fed right and suffering from numerous ailments which were going untreated.
Second, if it is within your means, and you know that it would help your mom and your sister, and you are secure enough in knowing and asserting your own boundaries, then I would consider helping them financially.
I don't know you and don't want to judge. There are articles here all the time about narcissistic parents who drive their kids batty. If you think that they're both that way, then you need to tell them 'no,' once, with compassion and kindness. Then, you need to ignore subsequent requests from them, without writing them out of your life completely.
talking with mom, things were taking a turn. I didn't mind at the time, but what I do mind is the fact that sis has brainwashed mom into thinking Bro 1 and myself are no good for her (trouble and that we lie, steal from her-maybe more me than him). I was accused of stealing all her jewelry (even though she only wore a wedding ring thirty-forty yrs ago). I was accused of calling her names (she emailed this to my siblings and degraded her in ???). So, yes, I dislike my sis right now, because of what she is doing. Do I hate Her? No, because she is my sis and I no longer want t have anything to do with her or her ways of control. If mom thinks and believes she's from heaven, I have to let go, because in mom's eyes, I am the one who is no good.