Sister has cut me off?

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Sister has cut me off?

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My sisters have never been very nice over the years and I have had to step in when mum and dad have been upset because they have been ignored by them. They haven't, in the past, spoken to our parents for years. Dad died and mum was taken in by sister. I couldn't look after mum as I had a mental health problem and was in and out of hospital. Sister then stopped me from seeing mum in the last 3 years of her life, even though I wanted to see mum.

Mum has now died and sister blames me for making mum miserable in the last few years of her life. Sister has cut me off and never wants to speak to me again. Sister has said she wants to 'follow her own path with her own family'. I have nobody else. I'm 65 years old and I don't know what I've done wrong. I've asked my sister but she won't tell me. I want to stay in my own home as I get older but I'm lonely and more so now my sister has cut me off. Years ago I helped mum/dad as much as I could in order to keep them happy and I helped look after/educate and entertain my sisters; children. So, I'm at a loss as to why they have cut me off. I'm struggling to come to terms with this. What has gone wrong do you think?

Mental Health Relationships Siblings

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If this treatment from your siblings has been going on for years it is not going to change and it may not even have anything concrete to do with you; you have simply become a 'scapegoat'. It's terribly sad to be aging and feel family has disintegrated but sounds like this has been a fractured family for a long time. Try to give yourself a break, stop expecting sib(s) to ever explain 'why' (because they probably don't even know or wouldn't/couldn't see they've been mean/cruel toward you.) You did what you could when your parents were alive, toward other relatives; now is the time to Emancipate yourself and find ways to make your remaining years as good as possible, You may grieve the loss of a Sense of family, but if you are being honest these relatives have not been true family for a long time. It is healthy to accept that reality, mourn the loss of your hopes, release them with love, and live your life on your terms; find real friends/companions, do things that are meaningful to you. Expand your concept of 'family' beyond blood relations.

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Yes on everything you say. If anything we in similar situations need to grieve that loss of a dream of a loving family (because it was never true).

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I'm sorry for your loss. We don't get to pick our family but we do get to pick our friends. This is what I would concentrate on -- finding qualify friends.

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You have no way of knowing whether this sister will or won't read a letter you write to her. So I'd go ahead and write her a letter opening up my heart and spilling out my thoughts onto paper. Then post the letter and go about your life. Whether she reads it or not is out of your hands. Once you put it in the mailbox, then you've taken the last step towards fixing what appears to be a broken relationship.

You may have not done enough for your parents in their final days, in your sister's opinion, and now she's angry with you. You can't change another person's opinion of you, that's a fact. But you CAN choose to know that you did what you could do for your parents, and then move on with your own life.

I will be 65 years old in July and I have no siblings but one half-sister I met in 2000 (long story) who I barely keep in touch with. We on a public forum cannot possibly know what has gone wrong in your life with your sister; you yourself may have an inkling but if not, try to stop dwelling on it. You've apologized and sent flowers, so now the ball is in HER court, should she decide to play once more.

If not, try to forge ahead with your own life which should not be contingent on what your sister does or does not do. Sign up with an online dating service and go out and have some FUN! In many ways, life begins at 65 so go figure out how to make YOU happy!

Wishing you the best of luck carving out your own life now~!

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So sorry you are experiencing this. Time to develop friendships with others that are kind to you. Sometimes these friends can become the family you always desired.

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True, but so hard when you're a senior yourself. Most people of the baby boomer generation already have spouses, children, grandchildren and friends galore. Maybe even their lifelong communities. For those of us who moved frequently are to far flung places as children and then again as adults due to economic necessity, most people aren't open to adding to their group of intimates, especially if you are a childless single woman. You can volunteer endlessly, join groups, etc. When others' lives are already full, you're out of luck.

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I think you now what the issues are between you and your sister. It most likely is simply that there never was a connection. I had the same situation with a sister. She passed almost ten years ago. We just never liked each other and we dealt with it and moved on. If you worry about being lonely, you will have to do something for yourself. Volunteer work, part time job, learn something new. I learned how to dance at age 60. Dozens of new friends. Learned how to ride horses with some of those friends who were ranchers. Find something you will like. It may be activities at a local senior center. The point is to put yourself in contact with others and some will turn out to be friends. Some won't. But your efforts to mend and bond with your sister sounds like it will only end in more negative results. Sometimes, family isn't just biological or blood. Sometimes when it's not...it's the best.

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Thanks for posting this. I’ve never heard anyone say that they just didn’t like their siblings. I felt that way for a long time and now that I don’t talk to my sister and all the drama she used to cause is gone…I am a lot happier. It’s comforting to know that you can move on from bad family members.

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"It's so hard to accept that my sister doesn't love or want me except when it suits her"

Your sister is a user. When she needs something from you, she will be all lovey. It's not you. You have to realize this is her and not let yourself get sucked in. Maybe the reason she took Mom in was because she may get something out of caring for her.

You are now 65 with your own health problems. Every cent you have you will need for YOUR future. YOU are responsible for that future. Don't expect someone to care for you. You need to plan for when u get older.

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That strikes a note! Sister contacted me after mum died because apparently I'm the executor of mums will. Other sister reckons sister has been trying to forge my signature but I dismissed this as just catiness on my other sister's part. Sister has been trying to control the probate. What a mess!

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Trust me when I tell you you are better off because it sounds like your sister has mental health issues herself. I am in the same boat. In my case I was the product of rape, we lived with the father of the older sibling. The older sibling could not be bothered so I got stuck with the care giving until our mother became in her 90's, now realizing she may not have much time left has coerced our mother with abuse into handing over total control now pushing to take bank accounts and the house. I did nothing but show kindness to this 1/2 sibling even though her and her husband also subjected me to abuse when I was younger. I gave our mother above average care and she flourished, now there is neglect and abuse and our mother has very quickly deteriorated. Our mother acts like I'm to blame for the neglect and abuse the other daughter is doing to her. I'm telling you this to let you know do not beat yourself up wondering. My 1/2 sibling blamed me for her father's death and he died when a heart aneurysm burst. When our mother dies she'll do the same nasty attitude. My point being there is an issue with them, not you but them and I do not regret the love and care I provided our mother, however I think there always has been mental illness of both our mother and the 1/2 sibling. They basically used me and seeing how they use people, have no remorse empathy or conscience for how they mistreat people clearly indicates to me that they both have something seriously wrong mental health wise. So as I said do not waste your time wondering, she is not worth the effort, focus on the positive people in your life and move forward. It may not seem like it now but you will find a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.

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The past us gone now, and nothing can be done about it. Your Sister has chosen to move on and away from you. There is, quite honestly, nothing to be done about that other than to say it makes you sad, and you hope she will contact you in future. Then I would go on with my own mental health issues and healing. You will form a community around you in that manner, going on and making friends and "family" of a sort that treasures you, and who can identify with you. There are many forms of group therapy in which people can provide emotional support and understanding with one another, a community. Check with your own therapist about opportunities such as this.
Wish your sister goodspeed in getting on with her own life, and get on with yours. Many don't have family. Many have family that is more a trial and a burden than a gift. I wish you the very best moving forward and hope that your new year is a first step toward a productive, happier life for yourself.

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I think it has been a pattern throughout your sister's lives to cut off family when they become inconvenient, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with something you have done. My sister is a decade older than I am and my reality is that she will possibly not be there for me when I'm in my later years, I am also single and childless. I think the best we can do for ourselves is to plan for the inevitability of the lack of family supports in our old age, you must periodically weigh your desire to remain where you are with your physical, emotional and mental health needs.

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It's so hard to accept that my sister doesn't love or want me except when it suits her

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My sister and I are no longer on speaking terms since my mother was living with me. She was with me for 3 months and they wanted me to care to her and pay for her way. I put my foot down and my sister picked up my mother and I decided not to talk to my sister from that point on. She has always been deceptive and a narcissistic, and I was expected to do as I’m told and not question the abuse.

Your sister sounds like a narcissist and I think you should read up on it. Most of these traits she learned from my mother, and they both are proud of being ruthless to others. My personality is more empathetic and they look at that as a sign of weakness. Be true to yourself, stay kind and step back. My mother is still living but she has probably changed her will and removed me from everything. My mother enjoys the control of both my sister and I and she’ll try to have us turn on each other. It’s her way of getting attention.

Sister has cut me off?

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