My parents moved in with me 15 years ago. My Dad died a year a go from dementia, but my Mom is 88 and still going strong. My older sister lives out of state, but visits once a year, mainly to critize my care giving and to ensure that her name is on just about everything of worth that my Mom has. For some reason they always visit Mom's lawyer and the bank while she visits. Mom has always excused my sister's action by telling me that "she so grateful she doesn't have to worry about me" while she financially helps my sister or gives her whatever she wants. My sister and her family have more money than we'll ever have, and we financially supported my Mom and Dad and now my Mom. My sister has never helped financially or in any other way with the care of my parents. How do I deal with my sister and her constant barrage of complaints of what I'm doing or not doing for my Mom?!
I have a similar situation and I'm much better off having written off my two deadbeat siblings.
Peace out,
-SS
A Living Trust which does not deviate from assignments declared in the Will is absolutely essential in order to preserve 'justice' when the final separation of holdings occurs. That, because without lawsuits, you have a great deal to say about what happens.
I would add that rather than a Power of Attorney which is often limited by different operating standards each bank, insurance company - virtually every type of institution you can think of has - you should investigate instituting a 'Guardianship'.
Good luck... your sister sounds kind of like my siblings. No desire in the slightest to help, but fast to lay claim to everything they can - and I end up being the 'bad guy' throughout.
V
When your sister comes to visit and criticizes, tell her that you would be glad to have her fill in for you for a week, while you go on vacation, so she can test out her theories of elder care. On the telephone, inform her that if her conversation turns to criticism that you will have to politely end the conversation. Then DO IT.
It is incredible that the people who criticize the most are the most far removed from caregiving. They are also the most ruthless about helping themselves to whatever they can get from their parents. If you look back in time, you will see that this is a longtime behavior that only gets worse over time.
Protect your Mom and her assets...she may need them down the road.