My mom is currently in the icu on a ventilator due to Covid 19. One of my older sisters is her POA and primary caregiver. She’s the only one the hospital will give information to and she then relays that to my other sister. Neither will be honest with me about how good or bad she’s doing. Every time I ask about mom my sister will say something vague like “they put her on medication” or “we just have to keep praying for her recovery”. I’m absolutely terrified of losing my mom. I’ve been crying for the past two weeks. When she first went to the emergency room they lied to me and said it was a uti. Eventually my oldest sister ( not one the two mentioned earlier) let it slip that it was actually Covid. I called my mom’s hospital room but she couldn’t even speak because her breathing was so bad. I don’t know what to do. My mom has kidney failure and has been on dialysis for the past 4 years. She’s very high risk. She’s also had a really bad bout with pneumonia before. What should I do? How can I get them to be let me know what’s going on?
Call the nurses station and identify yourself as the daughter to see how mom is each day. You may be surprised at info you are able to get...unless there is some reason a POA sibling has given them specific direction to not share any info with you. Call mom's room from time to time to see if a nurse answers. As someone else said, write a letter to mom and ask a nurse to read it to her - put your phone number on the letter and ask someone to call you after the letter is read.
Maybe the two sisters prefer (wrongly) to upset you through not giving accurate information, rather than risk upsetting your mom through having you spill the beans when crying on the phone to her? Here is a direct cut and paste from elderlawanswers.com: “medical power of attorney may give the agent the right to prevent access to a parent if the agent believes the visit would be detrimental to the parent's health.” I stress “may”. Check with your state.
Or consult an attorney to figure out how to be brought into the loop on your mother’s current health crisis.
Most easy route: ask your oldest sister to keep you in the loop on your mom’s health. The other sisters are obviously more forthcoming with her, so ask her to notify you of any and all news, even “no change” news.
As other posters have delicately mentioned, due to length of time your mom has been battling this illness while on ventilator, and with her other bad and long-standing health problems, it is possible your dear mother won’t survive this.
Do you feel you can write to her c/o the hospital and use bright beautiful cards? Write of your love for her, distress that you can’t be there to help, and that so many are sending her best wishes for a good outcome (whatever that outcome may be: death as a release, or better health). Check that the hospital is allowing patients to receive mail.
Write daily, so that then, if you do get the devastating news that your mother has died, you will know she heard your words of love and saw your pretty cards.
I’m saying prayers for both you and your mom, and that your sisters all bring you fully into the loop.
Would asking the POA sibling for clear honest medical info work?
What reason is given not to do so?
Is it to put a positive spin on things? Keep uber positive - maybe with some denial mixed in? ☹️
Or just not medically minded & so actual terms don't sink? If so, could you get the POA to give permission for you to call to get medical info?
If it's a personality/control type thing I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest.
I hope your Mom can recover 🙏.
https://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/covid-19/resilient.htm