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My mother is in a skilled nursing facility. She is 94 years old and she has a broken leg so she’s going to be there for a while



many of the aids I feel are good and caring.



I am able to be there every day for several hours
I felt when I was there today that they don’t pay attention to her when I’m there.



They were going up and down the hall I believe, changing peoples diapers and etc. and they were just ignoring my mom. I went out to ask them if they had a schedule or when they were going to change her and the woman became very angry and snapped at me. Tell me she had just changed her which was not true, and that my mother says no every time thry asked to help her, but my mother is deaf, extremely weak and almost 100 years old and it’s a ridiculous thing to say and they said they told me that she buzzes when she needs to be changed and I saw the buzzer hanging over the side of the bed out of my mother reach



i’m also concerned that if they don’t move her and pay attention to her, she will never regain her mobility



I talked to the nurse head nurse on duty and she came in and she talked to me and my mother and I believe she talked to the aids and I heard her tell them them to check on my mom every two hours



Here is my concern that I have pissed off the aid, and that she’s not going to treat my mother right



also confusion because my being in the room has actually allowed me to be more helpful with the aids. I have gotten her blankets I’ve gotten her drinks without her having to buzz



I think the woman was just on the defensive, but she was incredibly inappropriate with me. This is a private skilled nursing facility.



I already spoke to her shift nurse
I feel like I want go in during the work week and talk to the Director of nursing.
I am concerned about this woman interacting with my mother. I saw her later change my mothers diaper, and while she did it, she didn’t say a word she did not engage.
They treated her like a piece of meat, and I see them show more personality with other patients.
Anyone have any experience with a nasty aid who is responsible for their parents health?
Thank you

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I would talk to the DON but do not accuse ask. "I notice when I am with my Mom the aides don't look in in her when on rounds. The other day I had been with Mom a few hours and asked one of the aides to change her and was met with attitude. She told me Mom had been changed and I know she hadn't been. I felt the attitude was uncalled for since I do help as much as possible to lighten the aides load but I don't feel comfortable changing diapers." Also tell her you did talk to the shift RN. But now the aide comes in, says nothing and treats Mom like a piece of meat. I would think by that you mean they are rough with her. I would wonder too why Mom is treated that way. You seem to be there most of the time so would notice if Mom was nasty.
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toogooddaughter Sep 2023
Thank you I appreciate the support
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You are very articulate. Yes, do go in to discuss with the DON. And if you get nowhere I would consider contacting an ombudsman.
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toogooddaughter Sep 2023
Thank you for your response
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I was a caregiver for 25 years and have changed a lot of diapers. I never engaged with a client when changing them. When you're wiping an adult's a$$ and putting a diaper on it, the best way is just get it done quickly and with as little fuss as possible.

Nursing homes pretty much hire anyone who's a CNA because it's lousy back-breaking work that offers nothing. You're not going to get the cream of the crop among CNA's in a nursing home even a private one. Those aides go into homecare instead. It's the same pay with no benefits, but you're taking care of one person on your shift instead of several.

Myself personally, I went over to private homecare because that's where the money is. Now I have my own business.
If a client is paying well enough I'd sing them a song while wiping their a$$.

I'm going to let you in on some good advice that comes from 25 years of experience as an aide and working with aides. If your mother's diaper is getting changed regularly, don't complain too hard if it's not getting done with style and finesse. I've known plenty of aides who were all personality and smiles with the patients, but didn't do their jobs very well. Some of them, not at all.

They'd be super friendly with residents and always have smiles for family members but would leave grandma sitting in her own sh*t and wait out their shift. Of course they did it with a very pleasant and sweet demeanor.

Choose carefully how much trouble you want to make for a nursing home CNA taking care of your LO. Not showing enough personality isn't a good enough reason to get someone in trouble.
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toogooddaughter Sep 2023
Hi, thank you for your answer. It had not as much to do with personality during a diaper change, but more of a cold shoulder and showing a lot more warmth and friendliness to other patients at other times. Today is the day after and both of these aids are on shift today and they are absolutely giving me the cold shoulder. And it’s not like I have to be liked.

But you’re right I am afraid of sort of retaliation so they’re just sort of doing their job and nothing else.

When my mother was in the hospital before she was released with a broken leg, PT said that family presence in skilled me rehab makes a big difference
And I said yeah but you don’t want to piss anybody off and she said who cares?
I don’t care if they like me. I don’t need a buddy but I do want them taken care of my mom well and now I’m anxious about that.
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Sometimes the patients are not very nice to the aides. Could that be true of your mom? I saw this with my dad, and I never would have expected he could be so rude to anyone. The aide then ignored him and made him wait to be toileted. It had happened other times when I wasn’t there, and I managed to observe it one day when I’d just walked in.

It shouldn’t happen but aides are only human. I suggested to Dad that he’d get better treatment if he focused on the aide, joked with her a bit, paid her a compliment now and then.

It’s good psychology to show appreciation for what someone does right rather than hostility when they do something wrong. Not that they should get away with doing bad things. They should be held accountable. But approaching in peace and saying WE have a problem works better than saying YOU are the problem.
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toogooddaughter Sep 2023
No, I understand that my mother is very quiet and very polite. She says thank you even when they’re changing her diaper and they leave her food. She is not the problem I created the problem by asking them a question that they felt challenged on.
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Many people are afraid to complain because they fear retaliation but nothing can get better unless you speak up; in my opinion slackers need to be made aware there are eyes on them. The people who work there know very well which of their coworkers are problematic, given enough ammunition good management is not afraid to show them the door.
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toogooddaughter Sep 2023
Thank you. Taking it one day at a time here
I layed low today
I can definitely say that they’re ticked but at least they did do their job
I’m not going to stop being here with my mom. She is death and has a broken leg and is almost 95.

They were not checking on her. And I called them out

If they had responded peaceably in the first place, I would not have gone to the shift RN, but also with a broken leg she needs to be moved so it’s not just about the diaper

One of the things they said was that when they see a family member in the room, they don’t enter which is ridiculous because then she doesn’t get any care if I’m here? Also, I have been helpful to them. She has buzzed much less because I have gotten blankets and drinks, etc. Myself.
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Showing more personality... that could be an act or a way to get back at you, through her. Seriously, many aids like residents who don't need a lot of help; it makes the job easier with less work.

If this is a nice size facility, the aid could be reassigned to another section?

Good luck to both of you, hopefully this situation changes quickly for the better.
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toogooddaughter Sep 2023
Thank you I appreciate your perspective
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