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Maybe the house was gifted to sister? Or mom put her on deed when she still was able to decide these things? Sister living there w husband & 24/7 caregivers. They’re both doing mother and you a favor. They’re keeping her out of nursing home longer. I’d just say to sister and husband, “Thank you!” Hugs 🤗
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BurntCaregiver May 16, 2024
I hope that is what happened. That the mother gifted the home to her caregiver daughter and SIL.
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I am thinking that SonSun may have slunk away into the sun setting in the west.
Haven't seen a response in a few days. I think perhaps our message has gotten through.
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Beatty May 15, 2024
Interestingly the last para of the question requested any tips, even if not in my favour...
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It sounds like your sister is acting that way out of resentment of having to be the main caregiver. Does not make her home owner though.
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AlvaDeer May 16, 2024
I try to be really mindful on this site that we are hearing one side of the story.
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I saw in the thread that you were getting a heavy brow beating and felt everyone was siding with your sister. I’m not going to brow beat you, but I’m going to suggest maybe putting yourself in her shoes. Just in the couple of months I’ve started handling my mothers business matters and care I can tell you what your sister is doing is a thankless, unpaid and trying task. She’s keeping your mother afloat financially while ensuring she is getting care and probably providing meals and cleaning as well as transportation. My brother feels a lot like you do about your sister. He feels like I’m being controlling because I have a POA and access to her financials and I will not answer his questions about them. It is fishy to ask for balances and transactions. I do nothing with her accounts and simply help her utilize them to pay her bills when she’s in lucid moments. I try to give her those opportunities to make her own decisions so she doesn’t feel like a child which is why I blot him out of that knowledge. He insists she’s 100% dementia and I know she is not because I interact with her daily which is why he isn’t making medical decisions besides the fact my wife is a medical practitioner and the source I get some direction from. I know this means a hill of beans to you but my point is, when I’m handling everything it’s a very big wrench to throw in my routine to suddenly jump in or out of the picture when it’s convenient for him. I have to try to bring him up to speed then he argues and it just turns into a heated argument which i refuse to engage in.

While the home situation is different and she’s currently in a skilled facility getting rehab, she will not be able to go home after this and we are making accommodations for her to move into our home which is also our farm. I can see where if my brother was just telling me “hey I’m coming to visit mom for a week tomorrow and staying there (which is totally how he would operate)” I would be a bit put off and tell him I need to discuss with my wife. He has no idea what appointments, errands we have to take her to or what’s on our schedule.
try something like “hey sis, I want to visit mom, would you mind letting me stay a few days and when would be a good time?” You get more bees with honey than you do with poo, which mainly just brings flies. I’m running a lot of errands for her, interfacing with her attorney, doctor, rehab care team and handling her business affairs. Because of this I already have little time to myself because my wife can’t really help since she sees patients all day and can’t just take off work whenever. Perhaps your sister is just wore down and spends her free time caregiving and her husband pitches in after he gets off work and that’s why she’s checking with him, because she wants to say “do you think we can make some time for brother or should we make plans for another time soon.”

cooler heads prevail
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KNance72 May 16, 2024
My Friend Use to say " You will get further ahead with Honey than vinegar . " Something Like that .
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As POA is it possible to sign the house over to 'someone else'? Is it possible that is what happened?
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If you can't afford a hotel then how much 'financial assistance' are you offering? Why not save up the money for your sister and her husband to go to a hotel for a few days while you stay with mom, if that is your goal- I bet they would jump at that....in the meantime stop arguing with your sister about who owns what. It is an exercise in futility at this point. You don't need to be 'right', even if you are. And for all you know she could have signed a quit claim deed and just haven't filed it.
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