Some posters say appointing more than one person as POA is a mistake, because it creates conflict among siblings that share the POA. In your opinion, why do some parents appoint more than one person and do you think it’s asking for trouble? Is it ever appropriate?
If I knew then, what I know now, I would have declined being POA and mom's care taker. The only other sibling lived out of town and has been irrational over the years and we are both educated professionals.
It has been everything from demands with running day to day operations, calling the police on me and calling APS on me.
All of this, with caring for mom who has dementia has taken a toll on my emotional health. I am sure the long term health will occur too.
Please walk into your decision informed and realistically. No one ever fights over a sick parent but anyone will fight over a "Potential Inheritance"
I think if he had POA we would all be thrown out into elderly housing or something. He advised not too long ago that mom and I should sell the house and move to elderly housing. I told him no way, mom wil stay right in her own home. I think he was thinking about his inheritance, but you what there really won't be much of an inheritance. I am spending it all on my mother.
If the POA is written that both have to agree, it can lead to delays in decision making. Or hang things up for a very long time.
My folks' attorney said that this is not the time to worry about hurt feelings but to choose someone who they felt would best handle the responsibility. I'm not the oldest, but my parents believed I would do the job better than my brother, mostly because I have more time than he does.
My in-laws chose their eldest child, my sister-in-law, who was the absolute worst of their seven kids to pick. She's a dingbat with no concept of how to handle money and thinks holistic medicine and eating weeds and bushes is the way to good health. (She's had cancer and Lyme disease in spite of that lifestyle, but OK. Her cancer spread because she didn't go to a doctor for a year, so I guess the herbs and incense didn't work so well after all.)
Fortunately, my MIL is completely able to handle her own affairs for now. Her youngest son lives with her and keeps an eye on everything for her, but I sure hope she changed her POA and named him instead.
A power of attorney is not akin to giving your kids the farm or a piece of jewelry. It's a job with significant responsibility and should be granted to the person most qualified to handle that responsibility. Sometimes it shouldn't even be a family member.
So much to think about & do, but we did it. My mother looks so much better, weighs 115, eating 3 meals a day, gets daily shower & clean clothes every day. We take her out to eat with us & gets daily exercise. Grant it - she doesn't know who I am anymore as she us in Stage 5 of ALZ but I am trying to give her the best life I can while I can. So, I really think everyone's situation is different. More than one POA may work for some while others it can destroy everything. Luckily, I jumped in to take over my mom's life or she would possibly be dead. She has now lived with me for almost 2 years. She is 91 1/2. Best decision ever! Thx for reading my post. Bless you! Good luck
Pick one whom you know will follow your wishes even if you know that they may not be their own but preferably are. Pick a secondary for the same beliefs who will step in if there is a circumstance in which the primary is unable to fulfill the role.
This woman felt absolutely horrible afterwards for going against her dad’s wishes. She had a very hard time with losing her dad and thought there was a chance to have him in her life longer. It was not meant to be.
Oldest brother has financial poa and YB has MPOA, but acts like he's totally in charge.
Which works b/c OB doesn't care and doesn't want to be involved in ANYTHING.
Personally, our 2 oldest daughters co-hold the POA. Actually, the OD has it, if something happens to her, then YD holds it. After that, I will assign VERY youngest daughter.
My son's an attorney and I would NEVER EVER EVER appoint him. Middle daughter is an emotional hot mess and can't deal with anything.
The daughter I chose is the oldest, but that's not why I chose her. She's capable, unemotional and totally fair. She will do a great job. DH and I argued for YEARs about why I would not have son as POA. (LIst is too long). I refused to sign the will until DH gave in--finally seeing how OD would be a MUCH better choice. DH's entire reason for choosing son was because--he's a man. Seriously? Does having male genitalia make you a better judge of character and/or better at 'manly things' like expediting wills.
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