My 79 year old mother lived with me for over 15 years. I am a single mom with a 23 year old boy and 15 year old boy. I work full time. In June I moved mom into skilled nursing because it was no longer possible for me to care for her at home and we could not afford in home care. She kept saying she would go if I felt I couldn't take care of her anymore. She had 2 knee surgeries and 2 shoulder surgeries and did not do the required physical therapy. Her weakness progressed to thepoint where she could not get out of bed unassisted. She is declining in the nursing home. She wants to sleep all day. She won't participate in any activities. I told her its not healthy to spend so much time alone. She then said " I was alone the whole time I lived with you" wow!!! That really hurt my feelings as I never even went away overnight so that I would always be home for her. I slept on he couch after her last surgery to help her if she needed help during the night. My brother thinks I shouldn't push her to get out of bed and do physical therapy as its her choice. Do you think this could just be her mental state? They say she isn't eating enough or active enough. They are trying to get her to stay up for longer periods but she says am making them pick on her. I honestly don't want to see her some days. Any ideas on how to handle this guilt?
While she's not feeling well, I would just let her know you care, keep the visits short, don't blame her and call a lot let her know you are thinking of her. I would just ignore her insults and keep giving her your love. It could be a stage and she gets over it. I would wait until the doctors can figure it out and then decide what to do.
If there is no mental decline or depression and she's just saying things to be mean, then I might tell her that I love her, but will only stay for a minute if she's going to be mean to me.