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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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We all make judgements. You can't tell when you get out of bed in the morning without judging the situation. Can't cross the street. And whether that girl looks cute with all those tattoos and those silver fangs hanging from her lip is depending on your judgement of "cute". To me there just isn't any substitute for YOUTH. So let them make their judgements. They have ZERO to do with your life. One person will find you wanting and the next won't know how you do it so well without collapsing. Somewhere on the continuum of that string, maybe in the middle, is the truth. Whatever "truth" is. And you know, venting is perhaps best done here to strangers. Because when you do it with friends or family THEY THEMSELVES feel judged. They don't hear "I am so worn out and exhausted and hopeless and in despair." They hear "YOU aren't helping me and YOU don't give a darn". And likely enough you DO feel BOTH those things. We know we can't help you; we can only hear you; which is why folks go to shrinks.
So sorry. It is so hard. Despair and anger are sometimes so close together.
I totally am living that very phrase. I was told that I was being angry and aggressive because I was upset that no one is listening to me about how my father in law isn't sleeping at nights and trying to get up and walk around and falls. They don't want to give him medicine that makes him groggy because that isn't conducive to their need to come randomly for an hour and a day and they want him to be alert when they come. They will pull him out of bed, bring him into his living room recliner, he falls asleep, they say he doesn't need any meds to help him sleep because he too groggy the next and then they leave him in his chair for me to get him back in bed. I am not sure if I can continue this even though my heart will break if I have to leave ....but it is becoming detrimental to my self worth and well being when I'm being treated so badly. I am trying to stay strong because I know he will end up in a nursing home if I can't do it but it isn't him that's making me feel like crap ..it's his daughters and how they think they know about dementia and they think they know what he is like 24 hours a day. Hes not the same as he was 3 months ago..30 days ago...he is declining.but it's easier to blame me than to accept reality. It's hopeless
Tell his daughters you’ll be out of town for three or four days and will need them to come provide his care while you’re away. Go to a friends or other place, no explanation needed or given, and let them see the full picture. Your health is being compromised by trying to do the caregiving their way, please keep in mind you’re no good to others without first watching out for yourself
I take care of my 85 year old father in law. I am constantly criticized by his daughters who barely come by an hour a day. He has dementia, and they seem to blame his physical decline on me and what I am not doing good enough or enough of or medications he need to sleep at night. So they don't want him to have meds to calm his aggressive behavior and restless nights. They blame me for everything and I am unable to continue with the disrespect and being underpaid and unable to express my concerns without somehow it being turned around on me. It is sad that I love my father in law so much and yet the need for his daughters to criticize and complain about me making themselves feel like their active in his care , is actually pushing me further out the door. I pray that he is okay when I finally decide that I have to choose my self respect and dignity from ignorant , uninformed and selfish family members.
That's where a local caregiver support group comes in handy, whether in person or on Zoom. Only someone that has been there done that or is still in the throes of caregiving can truly understand what a caregiver is going through and won't judge when venting is needed/done. Please Google to see where your caregiver support groups are in your city and get involved.
Yep. I'm in seven Zoom caregiver support groups-from California to New Jersey. Several of which are specifically for my husband's form of dementia. We live in cental Pa., there's almost nothing here for caregiver support. Zoom has been great for this.
So this morning, I was I was thinking about how my whole life I have felt judged by my mom. I'm 60 she is 89.
So I was thinking about how nice it will be for me when I don't feel for the first time like I'm being judged. Like eyes are not 🚭 doing this. 😆
I work on all that I'm in a good place, but was thinking how nice it will be when those judgements are gone, it brings a bit of an evil smile to me, Like freedom! That will mean moms has died and I'm still kinda smiling inside.
I won't say we all have those thoughts, but I think many do those thoughts that we really shouldn't share but are inside us, your feelings are not unusual.
I see on your profile that your mother is 97, that’s a long life and likely a long haul of caregiving. Of course you’re tired and sometimes feel a need to vent. And that also comes with others not getting it as they haven’t walked where you've been. It’s okay to admit when you can’t handle it anymore, and it’s time for more help. It’s also okay to disregard the misguided judgments of others who simply don’t get it. I wish you peace
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So let them make their judgements. They have ZERO to do with your life. One person will find you wanting and the next won't know how you do it so well without collapsing. Somewhere on the continuum of that string, maybe in the middle, is the truth. Whatever "truth" is.
And you know, venting is perhaps best done here to strangers. Because when you do it with friends or family THEY THEMSELVES feel judged. They don't hear "I am so worn out and exhausted and hopeless and in despair." They hear "YOU aren't helping me and YOU don't give a darn".
And likely enough you DO feel BOTH those things.
We know we can't help you; we can only hear you; which is why folks go to shrinks.
So sorry. It is so hard. Despair and anger are sometimes so close together.
Only someone that has been there done that or is still in the throes of caregiving can truly understand what a caregiver is going through and won't judge when venting is needed/done.
Please Google to see where your caregiver support groups are in your city and get involved.
So I was thinking about how nice it will be for me when I don't feel for the first time like I'm being judged. Like eyes are not 🚭 doing this. 😆
I work on all that I'm in a good place, but was thinking how nice it will be when those judgements are gone, it brings a bit of an evil smile to me, Like freedom! That will mean moms has died and I'm still kinda smiling inside.
I won't say we all have those thoughts, but I think many do those thoughts that we really shouldn't share but are inside us, your feelings are not unusual.
Vent away if you need to.
Hhopefully you can vent here without much judgement. Maybe just some advice or suggestions to help you.