My husband has early onset Dementia frontal lobe. He wanted to see his mother by SKYPE but she refuses saying she’s not ready to see him as she doesn’t want to be upset by looking at him. She also blames me for his condition and my husbands family will not talk to me. I am persona non grata. They make enquires through her eldest son who speaks to my son
She has always been manipulative and very rude to me. She has three sons and has always considered herself to be more important in their lives than all three DILs.
Now my son ( who we live with) and his wife want to save money by staying in a holiday unit in the same complex as my MIL
WANT TO KNOW IF I AM OK WITH THAT
Say we might have lunch with her just once you know, just to be polite
No. I am not OK with that She won’t look upon her own son or speak to his wife BUT you want to know am I cool with that?
Truly hurt and angered by this and see it as a betrayal to his father all so they can save some money
Any advice
Some people actually believe their own BS! No one else does, but they do. I used to let abusive people bother me a lot. In time I developed a thicker skin because as people say, “Consider the source!”
As for MIL: you have to let your son and your DIL come to their own conclusions, you know. The woman is your son's grandmother. You might think all kinds of colourful and unpublishable things about about her, and you might well be right, but the boy has every right to find this out for himself.
You certainly know your son and DIL better than we do. I hope it all works out. Every family has skeletons in the closet. No one has a perfect family. I’m sure you are disappointed in the whole situation.
Your MIL is being ridiculous by blaming you for things that are no one’s fault. Karma! It all comes out in the wash, so to speak. What goes around comes around. Never know what will happen in the days ahead.
I’m sorry you’re hurt by all of this.
Do you know the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
This lady is obviously a sicko with multiple personality disorders, you should be thankful that you have never been on her radar, she would have sucked your life force. Please don't play her stupid b!+@# games. Tell your son that you hope he has a great holiday and remember, we don't care to her about gma, so have respect for us and no talking out of school.
I know that you are terribly hurt and feeling very betrayed, I know I would want my son to side with me 100% and have nothing to do with the old bag, but it is his gma and he must be allowed to make his own mistakes. You will show that you are the bigger person by just letting go and leaving it alone.
My inlaws are always talking crap about me and when people tell me, or try to, I smile and say, as long as they're talking about me and not to me it's all good, cuz if I wanted to hear from a butwhole, i would fart. That always gets a change of subject pronto.
Try to find any way you can to just put her in a compartment and ignore her ugly hateful behavior, she'll regret it one day, when she is old and feeble and in need she will be alone because of her craziness.
Hugs to you, you can rise above this and even find a good laugh, you just gotta work at it.
Tell your son and DIL to have a great time on their vacation. Don’t place a guilt trip on them. She is his grandmother and just maybe she will see something new through his eyes. I could be dead wrong but regardless I wouldn’t stand in the way of my son saving money or seeing his grandmother.
Kind of like when parents divorce. I admire parents who are committed to raising children with no guilt or animosity towards the other parent.
You confused me when you said that you were staying with your son and DIL. YOU are housing them, it seems, which puts a different light on things.
But the fact that no one would give them a mortgage suggests that they have financial difficulties, yes? So one would expect that they are trying to get by.
Never mix family and money is a very old saying.
Did you and son plan a vacation together? If so, I can understand you not staying in the same complex. It is a separate unit from MIL son is not expecting you to stay in her unit?
If he is truly trying to save money I wouldn't be mad. But if he is doing it to try to get you together with her, than I would be upset since he is aware of the animosity. I would not appreciate his uncle asking your son about how things are going with your husband. If husband's brother wants to know he can call your husband. I would ask ur son to discontinue being the go between.
If ur son and wife are going alone, then let them stay where they want. If it was a family trip, say you are not OK with it and will not be staying near MIL. Explain that this is a vacation and seeing her would ruin it.
They are staying in the same complex where she lives, not WITH her, right?
And your son and DIL are housing you and DH right now?
Your MIL is clearly f--king crazy, you know that, right?
Nevertheless, your son would like to visit with his grandmother. And maybe intercede on your behalf…..?
It seems to me that you are expecting an awful lot, while living with your son and DIL, for them to pay extra when they can get a less dear apartment in Gma's complex (not staying WITH her) and paying her a call.
You expect your son to take umbrage at his gma's refusal to see his dad, which is clearly based not on fact, but on insanity.
I think you are asking an awful lot of your son and DIL. My opinion only.
i yes my son should show more respect towards his father. Her refusal to look at her son caused a great lot of confusion for my husband and she knew it
Does your son even have a relationship now with her?
Are they using you also?
If MIL and that side of family is that deluded, then perhaps your son seeing it up close may afford him the REAL picture. I know it might hurt, but, I think I'd likely tell son to stay where he can afford. This free visit could end up being more of pain that he bargained for, if you know what I mean. Perhaps, he will see up close what is wrong with her. He has to know that her beliefs are baseless and hurtful. I hope he thinks of things to say if she tries to convince him.
Who cares what MIL's dysfunctional hang ups are. Do you have money to spend on your own personal holiday accommodations? If yes, than plan your own accommodations. If no, then I suppose you don't have a choice but to go along with what son wants to do.
It feels like hurt to me, and I am sorry you are experiencing this painful rejection of you and your hubs. Pandabear, can you be like Switzerland on this one?
Detach with love?