Joanne19335 Asked October 2013
I will soon be a widow with no family or potential caregiver in case I get sick. What are my options?
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I am 63 years old and in good health. However, as I age, I realize that there will be circumstances where I will need care. My spouse is terminally ill. My house is paid off and I will have a comfortable amount of liquid revenue to support myself as long as I am healthy. I would like to find an independent living facility which would offer care should my health decline or I become too ill to take care of myself. Do you have any suggestions for a facility that offers independent living and elder care if it is needed? What is an average price for such a facility and where are they located in Chester or Lancaster County, Pennsylvania?
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Article, thanks for the link, here is another
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/10/16/235384054/family-caregiving-can-be-stressful-rewarding-and-life-affirming
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/05/22/183903991/Boomer-Housemates-Have-More-Fun
1) a friend of many years. aged mid 60s, sold her home after her husband died, and moved into an ALF. She had/has arthritis and decided to skip apartment living which is the next step for many, she has a small I bedroom unit, and one meal a day plan, She had an older friend there and it works well for her. Her kids can visit and use her pull-out couch and the guest room in the facility. It runs about $2300/month, and she has done well with the husband’s insurances.so she is financially secure. She did not work throughout their marriage.
My mother moved west at about age 80, into a two bedroom apartment. She sold the family home a number of years before and worked till she was 65, living very simply as she had to help support my father in a facility - he was older than her. Between the proceeds of the house sale, and whatever she saved after my father died, all of which was invested, she has a decent income. Out west she rented a nice 2 bedroom apartment, and in her last year there, we hired a senior live-in nanny for her - with her funds. Up until then all she needed was someone to help grocery shop the last few years, and a cleaning lady. Mother has a personality disorder, so the nanny did not stay. About 3 years ago she moved into assisted living -2 bedrooms and a small but complete kitchen. Due to food intolerances she cannot eat in the dining room, though she still pays the same. Home care makes her meals, and she has a shopper for groceries. She is 101 now. She is using some of her capital now, but her financial advisor says her money will last another 8 years or so. Hopefully that will be enough. There are cheaper places and also smaller ones if needed.
I am 76 and worked till I was 73 to optimize my pension and had to quit then as it was too much with helping mother during her transition to an ALF. I am still in my home which is paid off and cheaper than living in a condo or apartment. I have a sig other who looks after snow shovelling, garden etc. or I probably would have had to move by now, It is not easy to hire people for that where I live. I did have a couple of rooms rented out at one point and one of the ladies did some house cleaning. We plan on building a senior friendly home in a few years somewhere further south where it is warmer in the winters and near both sets of parents. We both come from stock that lives long and stays pretty healthy. We have a healthy diet and he is very physically active. I am active intermittently. Once a home becomes too much, we (or one or the other of us) will move into an facility with levels of care. I still look after the inside of the house, shopping, cooking etc, (all exercise in itself), but really need to hire someone to deep clean periodically.
For several people, I know there home is/was there main asset. Think carefully how you can capitalize on that. There are some good suggestions. My pension is decent but I have considered working part time for various reasons. Good luck and come back and update us.
I was 65 and it cots me $290 a month in the St. Louis area. What a comfort it is.
I am financially "comfortable". but wouldn't be if I had to pay for in-home care, assisted living, (around $3000 a mo. In a decent place) or a nursing home. We are relatively healthy now, have two children, (mine from previous marriage). One who lives out of state and probably would have to take me out of my home, on which we have a reverse mortgage and are hopeful that with in- home care we can live her till we can't manage with in- home help or other circumstances beyond our control. It's with Mutual Of Omaha. I have. Type two diabetes, and have coronary artery disease, both well controlled, and they accepted me. 3 or four years ago. You might get it for even less, depending, I guess on the cost of care in your state. They figured at that time $4000.00 a month was MORE than enough to cover a nursing home in our area. It increases 3% coverage each year and they sen me notices when my coverage increases.
My husband got it when he was 50ish and pays around $109 a month. So even if we care for each other as long as we can, we can get help as soon as we need it. Pays for a nursing home short term if we broke a bone and need a place for re-hab. I hope you will check this out. My heart tells me it would give you much peace of mind. Hugs, Donna
As for housing, I'm all for unloading the burden of the house. I realize some people are very invested emotionally in their house, but for me, I plan to downsize as early as possible once my kids are no longer needing the benefits of the family house.
For a younger person, a CCRC makes sense. You'll be there long enough to reap the benefits and you're young enough that you can buy in at the 'no refund' (much cheaper) rate. I'd put the rest of the money from the sale of my house into an annuity; one that's hard to get out of, so I'd have monthly income and I'd be protected from any bad decisions I could make in the future if my money were just sitting in a 401K for me to pillage at will.
If you don't mind moving (I hate it), you could first move to a 55+ community. However, shop around. You might find that some of the CCRC's are pretty youthful. Plus, let's face it, after age 60 or so, anything can happen and we can't count on bouncing back the way we once could. The ultimate insurance is living somewhere there is help always available.
I have observed it for YEARS with couples where the man predominantly dies first. He's well taken care of by his wife. She does the right thing for his funeral, etc. BUT, as the wife ages - and if there are kids, they are often geographically distant - and/or off doing their selfish adventures - so the wife ends up put in a "warehouse" (i.e., SNF, or whatever). That's a hard reality - but I've seen it over & over. I've seen some good cases where one of the kids has a mother-in-law home for the surviving spouse. Of course, that doesn't help those of us who are childless.
I am childless, about to turn 65, and have explored options over the years - just pre-planning, knowing what's out there. The more I learn about the "independent living" retirement facilities - the less I like them. There are rules that would be hard to live with. For starters,
1. One of our nicer, more convenient ones locally - when the Enron debacle happened, their monthly rent went up a whopping 10% higher.
2. They'll take you when you're ambulatory, and can move yourself in. BUT, when your health declines, and no longer able - then you have to move somewhere else (and you're no longer able to move yourself out of there or to somewhere else).
3. After you die, then Someone has to move you out within 2 weeks. It's all about money for the facility, and they have to move someone on the waiting list into the apartment you lived in. If you have kids, they'd move you out. If you don't have kids, who will move your stuff out timely?
4. I just found out that same rule pertains if a person dies, and has a reverse mortgage on their home - that the bank wants your stuff cleared out of your home within 2 weeks so they can sell the house & get Their money back.
5. I had a life-long dear friend who moved into our nicest independent living facility, with her partner (boyfriend) - and they lived there for many years, til HE became too ill to stay there. His kids ended up taking him 40 miles away to their area. And, my friend was left at the independent living facility - I *think* she moved from the double room to a single. Ultimately she got an oral cancer, and wouldn't want to have to go to the dining facility for meals - but the rule is that one can only have "room service" meal 3 times a year.
These are some real down-sides to independent living facilities.
What I would really like to do is find 2 amenable senior women to sub-rent my 2 spare bedrooms - and we'd share the kitchen, living as "Golden Girls". For my house, though, they would have to be women acceptable of a colder house (as I've had to be). But too, as I get older - having to deal with the "joys of homeownership" like water-well issues, plumbing, electrical, high property taxes, yada yada - gets less & less appealing!
Of course, you'd want to be sure their personality, personal habits & basic philosophy of life meshed with yours. It also depends on the size of your home. You'd want everyone to have their own space. Anyway, it's just an idea & it does differs greatly from the "norm" .
So like Ferris says, stop expecting doom and gloom and live for a while! Once you hit 80 or 90, you can start to worry about what to do. Of course have your DPOAs all set up and your will, etc. But live! We only get one shot at this and sitting around waiting for our own infirmity isn't what we should be doing!
It's not pessimistic to think about your future, it's realistic! Knowing you will be alone soon, you NEED to be as prepared as possible. After dealing with your husband's terminal illness & everything that follows, you will need the peace of mind it will give you. But, I agree you should keep your paid for house.
It's great you're in good health & have some resources. If you have no family/heirs that you want to leave your paid for home to, you could get a reverse mortgage. This would give you additional income. Could you consider sharing your home with other women? Being in a very similar situation, I plan to stay in MY paid for home & (while I 'm still healthy), seek out & cultivate friendships with other women. Women in similar situations could be good housemates, sharing expenses, housework, etc.
Since you are in good health, I would be hesitant to buy in or anything right now. Are there active adult living communities for 55+ in your area? These can be wonderful and very affordable with lots of opportunities to meet people through various activities while still living independently. If you are interested in Arizona, I would check that first.
If you have long term care insurance, they will assume the expense once you require the additional help of the assisted living.