My mom has been falling on purpose to get attention and hurting herself and the doctor has told her the next time she falls shes going into the nursing home ,which means I have to get a job and uproot my children out of our home where we finally got to have for the past two years , I have been seeing about my mom thats why I haven't been working.
kitycat - i still say to u , you dont sue ur parents but if ure saying you dont mean to say that then u shal lcome back and vent more and we could help u out in other ways . i have vented and i have cried and i have felt better , AC is a lifesaver to us all .
AGAIN YOU DO NOT SUE UR MOM ....
With writing and no body-language clues it is hard to tell how seriously kitty meant the question. Some people say things like "I could kill him for saying that," when they have no homicidal tendencies at all. Maybe kitty was using suing her mother in that same way. But with nothing else to go on I think we needed to take her seriously, at face value.
Yearight, do you think that it is not OK to scold on these boards but it is OK to do name-calling? All of us are caregivers. All of us have stressful lives, and sometimes we are near or over the edge ourselves. People who respond are as worthy of your compassion as the person who posted the question. We can certainly disagree about what an appropriate response is. I hope we can do it without labeling others "self righteous." I've only been here a couple of months, but I think this site is about mutual respect.
dr says if she falls one more time she will have to go to nursing home . kinda makes me wonder if the doc himself knew shes in no shape to be cared by you ?
anyway keep in touch .
If you would stoop so low as to sue your own mom is definitely wrong. The Bible says it is wrong to even sue another christian, much less your own mom.
yes, you should not be the one to be her caregiver. You are being very selfish. She is your MOM for better or worse. Sorry that is the way I feel. Get her another caregiver right away.
The assumption that the daughter's "rights" to a home were more important than providing good care for her mother was wrong from my point of view. When you ask for advice, some of it may not be what you want to hear. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be said. Many of us offered numerous suggestions of using a walker, day care, social workers, and assessment evaluations for this elderly mom and where the priority should be.
Yes, medicaid will require that she sell her home and use the proceeds for her care. When that is gone, or 'spent down', then medicaid will pick up the tab for a nursing home. You can also use the proceeds for things like prepaid funeral arrangements, etc.
Bottom line is, Mom needs help, either medically or psychologically, and suing her at this point is more about you needing help than giving her the care she needs. My suggestion is for you to buy the house on contract, trading your skills for helping her each month as payment. If she agrees to this, then you can avoid a lot of the issues when it really is time to think about a nursing home. Get rid of your own insecurity about losing a home, and you'll be a better caregiver. I also suggest you get a counselor to help deal with your own resentment regarding your mother. I, too, have a difficult Mom, and it has led to depression and anxiety on my part, which leads to irrational responses to various situations. A year ago, I probably would have been on board with suing. lol I was so angry I was more of a danger to her than a help. She's in NH now, and things have gotten better as my stress level went down. We all have our limits.
Good luck. :)
I don't think any of us need to scold this person, she is clearly under stress & is asking all of us for help! Help she needs, scolding she does not need. Maybe she just didn't know how to approach this subject!
Let's all try to help steer her in the right direction! Maybe mom just needs to be kept busy during the day, taking her to senior centers for craft classes, etc. Call your local senior centers! It would be interesting to see if she tries the same thing at the senior center or if she is kept so busy, maybe she wouldn't! Maybe even get her in some senior aerobic classes. All these things together wouldn't be expensive at all, as long as she has insurance for the mental help! There are also swimming aerobics for seniors at local health clubs, etc. Do you see where I am going with this????
I pray for you & sending a hug! Taking care of a able bodied senior is hard enough, but with one who is not stable, it is even more difficult!
maybe ur mother should sue you ? how would u feel about that ?
u dont sue a sick elders . you get old , u do fall , get her a walker
and save tons of money instead of blowing it al on laywers and heartaches .
she needs to spend the money she has on medical things for her .
dont take that away from her , u dont sue ur parents . xoxo
night
It is also a blessing that none of us has ever expected an inheritence. It keeps money out of the picture entirely.
Yes indeed, these discussion boards have been very educational.
As to the doctor, luvmom, it is hard for us to know whether he "threatened" the mother with a nursing home, or pointed out that if she continues to fall then apparently she isn't getting sufficient care where she is and may need a more supervised environment. Lordy, I hope the medical profession doesn't see long term care placement as a punishment!