Living with an elderly person is not easy. My grandmother has just recently gotten ill but she has been mentally abusive to my mom and I for many years. Now that she's really getting old and losing basic abilities to care for herself, she expects us to take care of every little need, ordering us around and going into rages daily. She will purposely break anything that belongs to us, slam cabinets, and scream at us through our bedroom doors (and this was before her dementia got worse). She's recently lost the ability to control her bladder, and now we spend our days cleaning up after her. My mom is 61 and very tired as well as mentally exhausted from putting up with her abuse all her life. We don't have money to put her into a home (where she can get legitimate help) and have no money for the kinds of things she needs now (like medication and diapers). She was a dark cloud on our lives before she was elderly, and now she is our responsibility. How can we take care of someone who has negatively impacted our lives so much? It is NOT a "growing opportunity" for everyone.
It appears that the house is either yours or your mother's, correct?...."our bedroom doors", therefore you two must make the decision to find a place for her.
I truely think this is the hardest thing in life. To be in the position of having to take care of an abusive, manipulative, anger driven person, who has acted this out upon your and your mother's emotional well being, it brings forth the questions; Should I leave her to her own well being (do nothing?) or Do it anyway (take care of her) if only for duty's sake?
I have gone through this with my parents. It took some thought. I really have no 'great words of wisdom' on this. You have to follow your conscience and your heart, but in the end, there are only the two choices.
I hope your Mom finds a job soon, you graduate and get a great job, and grandma finds a nice place to call home. Remember, everything worthwhile happens in increments. Just do one thing a day that helps you reach your goals. That way, you will feel like you are moving forward.
good luck to you all
Also, Grandma needs humane treatment from experts who know how to treat her condition.
Start with your local office on aging and ask how to begin the Medicaid paperwork. I have also had good luck with the contacting the social workers at our local hospital.
If your grandmother has assets, like her home, they would have to be handed over to Medicaid.
The other option is to sell her home (if she owns one) to pay for private care until she runs out of money, then apply for Medicaid.
Good luck...take action soon.