My dad has been told before that he needs to shower and change his clothes daily, or at least every other day. He always says he will, but then he falls back into his old habits of showering and then putting on the same clothes he's worn for several days. Recently I've become aware that my mom (83 y/o) has not bathed in years. She will "wash at the sink." That's been ok until recently. She has started to smell too. I think she changes her clothes every day but not sure how often she washes. I am 500 miles away and need guidance on how to talk to them about their hygiene. My mom's best friend says she cannot do it, I have to do it.
I remember back when my Dad was too shy to have his Caregiver bathe/shower him until she finally put her hands on her hips and said "Mr. Bob, I raised a houseful of boys, there isn't anything I haven't seen".... that got Dad laughing and he was willing to try.... it worked, he started to look forward to having someone scrub his back :)
Man, I am making notes to my future self! I'm so afraid of turning into him!
There are a number of products available to give a "dry bath", including a shampoo cap. Might your parents be willing to help each other this way? Could the sibling who lives close go in with some dry-wash products and get them started?
Fear of falling, or when dementia is present, fear of water, can be powerful motivators. If you could figure out what the biggest reason for not practicing good hygiene in your parents' case, maybe that would give you some clues for approaching this.
It is good to see that you want to help. Maybe you can do the research (as you are doing here), locate helpful products, encourage your parents over the phone, maybe to local sib could do the in-person stuff.
If they can be convinced to put on clean underwear and clothes each day, and they are not incontient, a once-a-week bath might be enough.
Can you bring in a homemaker service to do the laundry? Maybe they wear their clothes so long to avoid that chore. Just a thought...
Good luck!
PS. We now have a walk-in tub that we think is fabulous.
People with this specific problem don't notice their own odor after a while unfortunately, and they have probably just stopped going out too. Way too many people just limit or stop normal life activities rather than troubleshoot, modify or problem-solve. Depression can be a factor as well as early dementia and medical evaluation would be great if you can arrange it. . Bless you, because very possibly even tougher problems and decisions may lie ahead. And if they would accept a little home health support they may be OK there for at leat a while longer in any event.