Here we go again! After 6 months of my mom not bugging me about my bills(god it's been NICE), she calls me today and starts in again about how "It's been 6 months and I just want to know how things are going" and then tells me "In January We should go over your bills and such. WHY can't she leave me the h*ll alone? I am 41 GD years old. I love the woman but this is becoming absurd. NOTHING I say to this woman gets through to her. If I dare to raise my voice or put my foot down? She tells me to "Go to h*ll" and acts like I am the one who has done something horrible! I can't take it anymore.
Call United Way or whatever help referral organization operates in your area, They can help you find services that you can afford.
You need this.
Are you seeing a therapist?
You really need to distance yourself from her, it seems to me -- at least for the immediate future. And stop paying her bills. You are "mentally handicapped", remember, and so you certainly can't take responsibility for her. :) She really can't have it both ways, that you are unreliable and that she relies on you for help. Nope. Take care of yourself. Let her take care of herself. You can resolve your problems without her help, and she can deal with her own bills without your help. Fair is fair.
This sounds harsh. Sorry. Growing up often has some harsh spots. You'll survive them -- all of us did!
I suspect that she is over controlling, and you are over sensitive. That would seem perfectly normal given your history. It sounds to me like you both are having trouble relating to each other as independent adults. When two adults discuss something they can both express their opinions, disagree, and go on to other topics, like this:
Mother: What did the doctor say at your appointment last week?
Adult Kid: She thinks I might have xyz and she has set up some more tests.
Mother: I don't believe that she's right for one minute. No one on either side of the family has ever had xyz. She must be wrong! Cancel those tests!
Adult Kid: I hope you are right, Mom. And thanks for letting me know that about family history. But you know me. I'd rather have the tests and be sure. Say, did you get that silly holiday letter from Aunt Sally? She was really over the top this year, wasn't she?
I'm not sure it is realistic to expect your Mom to stop momming you at this point. That is her way of relating to you. The fact that you have some handicap may make her all the more intent on "taking care of you" whether you need it or not. But you certainly don't have to react in child mode. You are an adult entitled to run your own life and make your own mistakes. :) Continue to do that. Talk to her politely. Don't get riled if she tries to play Mama on you. Just know that you don't have to follow her suggestions and she has no power over you. Even if she doesn't treat you as an adult, continue to act as one.
It's funny how some people can say hateful things and then turn around and act like it never happened. My dad was that way. He'd never apologize or take any responsibility for his hurtful comments. I can still remember them at 64 (I was 16 when he said some things).
Hold firm with not discussing finances with your mom. Good luck!
I think Pam's approach is right on target on this one. Just say NO. And stick to it.
"I'd love to get together with you in January, Mom, but not to talk about boring ol' bills. Let's go get our nails done and have a treat."
"Mom, my finances are fine. Thanks for asking. We don't need to discuss them now. ... No, Mom, I'm not going to discuss my finances with you."
Lather, rinse, repeat. You don't want to talk to Mom about your financial situation, don't. Remain calm, polite, and firm. If necessary, "I'm ending this call now Mom. Call me when you want to talk about something besides my finances." Yes, you can actually hang up on your mother and the sky won't fall.
As blannie says, a little more detail would put this question in context, but I can't think of a circumstance where simply refusing to talk about your bills wouldn't be appropriate,
We need more information to understand the full story.