She has worsening dementia; still knows me; has no sense of time; is incontinent (what a mess); is extremely beligerant when trying to get her to do simple things like getting undressed or dressed or taking a shower or going to bed. She is 71 and incapable of doing just about anything.
I'd definitely start looking for a quality care nursing home close to you. Then you can visit and monitor her care, but still concentrate on quality time during visits rather than the physical care you must do now.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol
Once she is there, you can enjoy her company and leave the hard work to the professionals. She will need time to adjust, but most residents bond to their caregivers quite nicely.