I'm terrified of my own old age. How do I get past this feeling?

Thank you, Suzie, for your concise and positive comments on what we can do now to help with our aging. Like you, I exercise 2-3 times a week with water aerobics and light weight lifting. I do the daily puzzles in the newspaper and have my own puzzle books, too. I am trying to learn Swedish, though it is hard when you are old to learn another language, but it is good for your brain--as is the aerobics and weight lifting. I am going to try to get the genealogy I have learned in written form and with photos to pass on to my son and nieces and nephews.
We had the "bounty" of having a house fire in 2009 after which all the interior plaster had to be removed down to the studs except in two lower bedrooms that house all my family history photos and things which remained undamaged. I used that opportunity to improve the house: making the doorways wheelchair accessible in width; a wider stairway on our split-entry home so there would be room for a lift if we needed it; a larger entry way so a person in a wheel chair could handle it more easily; a larger bedroom in case on of us were bedridden; plus better insulation in the walls and ceiling, energy efficient doors, steel siding instead of the flammable vinyl siding we had, aluminum soffits and leaf guard gutters so no more painting or cleaning out the gutters to do. I never realized so many good things could happen because of a fire. I had to pay for the improvements, but because we lost all of possessions for daily use and everything was insured for replacement value, the last check from the insurance company paid for all my improvements with $5,000 to spare. We had already replaced everything we thought we needed, so I thought: "It can't get any fairer than this!" I gave that money to my son and his family.
I am also POA for a long time friend of mine with no children or close relatives and is in a memory care apartment I found for him and his wife before she passed on. I am learning more what these issues are and feel fortunate for the guidance I have received in seeing to his care. He is happy, except for missing his wife. His care is excellent and I am paying attention and thanking those who provide it. I have no idea how my and my wife's and future will be health-wise. I have had four "near miss" medical situations where I have gotten care and operations just in the nick of time, so I don't take anything for granted. Fortunately, each situation was a one-time thing and correctable, but that doesn't mean more won't happen. My wife and I have our will and trust set up and a "plan" if we need it. How well we do is partly up to us. None of my ancestors knew about the importance of exercise and diet like people can know now, so my attention to this is a big experiment to see how well I can do. So far, so good. I pray a lot, say thanks a lot, and have a purpose in the care of my friend and my family, house and yard. When I can't mow the grass, I have a young neighbor who I hope to hire when he is a little older. I started that at age 8 for a neighbor and I learned a lot about how a yard should look and what it took to get it that way. Being out to check on the flowers and spot any weeds I don't want is part of what I do a couple days a week. I photograph the beautiful blossoms and butterflies and bees visiting them and share those on-line, so there is a type of art I can do and offer to others. Giving to others is another positive attitude to have. I don't know how I will handle a diminishing mental and physical body, but am working to keep that from happening. That is something almost any of us can do for our own good. I wish you all well on this path. Maybe we can forestall the worst of our fears.

nebbish - thx - some good genes, (mother is 105 and was good till about 100), healthy lifestyle, a lot of hard work, a lot of planning, no doubt some good fortune and God's blessings, and also living in Canada. As well, I am stubborn and I pray a lot. I worked until was 73 at which point the stresses of distance caring for my borderline personality disorder mother, who showed signs of developing dementia, and working full time were too great.. I do have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia (since 1993) which limit me, but I keep exercising etc. to stay as fit as I can. I had 4 children and worked most of the time when they were small and as they grew up. By working the extra years after 65, I boosted my pension. Canada has a good system for seniors. Mother is in a lovely ALF which together with her meds and other supplies, costs her less than $3000 a month. Obviously our health care system is a major factor in making my plans work out.

nebbish - I wish you blessings

superstring - I am the one who said her life was more interesting now than before. I guess have always found life to be interesting, but at this age, my children are independent, my mother who was a very difficult person all my life is finally medicated, and my health and finances allow me some choices. When I was 70, I rode through a large city on the back of my godson's motorcycle. Since then I have tented in the wilderness, corralled horses (I was afraid if them all my life), totally renovated my house, travelled to the Yukon and Florida, and a few points in between.It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth it. The next adventure, after my second cataract op , will be hunting pronghorn south of here . Sig other will hunt, I will use my camera. I have no doubt I will be very tired much of the time, but I have learned to live with that. I can sleep in the car. I haven't figured out what I will do to mark the 80 milestone -mayber snorkeling somewhere warm, maybe not.

I don't know how to answer this question. I feel like my life was far more interesting until I went on disability 14 years ago at 46. My list of health problems has only gotten longer. I feel like my dad had a more interesting life at my age of 60 than I do now.

The best thing that I can say about now is that our boys are out of the house and I am finding the empty nest to be a good thing when it comes to travel which we have done more of over this year and last year. Our oldest son will finish his masters in December and already has a job lined up where he did a paid internship over the summer.

My dad is 92 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's several years ago. I don't know if I have his long life genes, but I doubt that I will live that long or that my retirement will last that long. I am concerned though that I might come down with Alzheimer's when I get older. His sister had it too. My mother's mother lived into her 90's, but mom came down with vascular dementia and died in her early 80's.

I find that being on disability that I'm more withdrawn from life which was not true of my earlier life. I think that this former extrovert has become an introvert for I need peace and quiet to re-charge. Even my church attendance has declined over time for a reason that I can't put my finger on. This is true of my wife as well. Sad to say but the only time I hear from my church is the stewardship program and the pictorial directory.

I'm 60 and have recently become concerned with my own aging process, I suppose a lot of it has to do with my mother's nasty behavior toward me since my fathers death 3 years ago. When I was younger, I expected my older age to be pleasantly spent with my husband traveling and working on my hobbies, just enjoying the life God gave us. I can't really put my finger on what caused these negative feelings, maybe just a combination of many things. My husband developed diabetes 3 years ago but is in pretty good health otherwise, I have chronic back pain but we manage ok. I don't have children. My husband has 2 from his first marriage and we were close with them until about 3 years ago. Our business has always been pretty successful but became very successful about 10 years ago which caused a lot of bitter jealously among some of our "friends" and family, so we've had a lot of changes in our 'support system', relationships that we thought we could depend on are now gone. If I die first, my husband will have a support system to help him, but if he dies first, I'm going to be in trouble. I don't really have anyone to depend on. I never want to be a burden on anyone but there are so many things that can go wrong with health, like dementia or stoke. I think having a stoke is my greatest fear. I know we talk about all the things you can do to improve health, but stokes happen to all kinds of people, young/old, fat/skinny, etc. A lady on this list wrote about her ordeal a couple of years ago. She had a stoke or heart problem and was in the hospital for 3 months and during that time her husbands niece took over control of her life. The niece hid the woman's husband that had dementia, sold her house & possessions, stole her money. So when the lady got out of the hospital, she basically had a tote bag. That's what I'm afraid of, becoming incapacitated and someone just taking over my life. I've seen many stories on AgingCare about people that thought they could trust someone, but it didn't work out that way. I'm comfortable with dying or not being in perfect health, but when the brain goes with stroke or dementia, well that's my fear.

I'm looking at my 94 year old mother right now vegging on the couch. She's blissfully unaware of anything (stage 7 Alzheimer's), just "zoned out" in her own little world. We went over a few minutes ago and stroked her hair and talked to her. She screamed bloody murder! So much for being loving. She was never one to be "touched" anyway. She's a miserable old lady that finds no joy in anything, never did, actually. I have prayed that God would take her and she would be relieved of her misery (and me of mine).

How hypocritical of me, being a Christian. But this is NOT living. This doesn't fulfill Jeremiah 29:11 for either of us-"For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This is harmful and no one is prospering. The future holds more pain and suffering. But far be it that I understand the mind of God.

I have one son who doesn't want anything to do with me, so it's just my husband and me in the future. This WILL NOT happen to me. I will make sure of that. We plan on retiring in Mexico. You can walk into any pharmacy there and buy anything you want. 30 sleeping pills will do the job.

How can I say this as a Christian? Because God's gift to me was my life and what I've done with my life has been my gift to God. By the time I retire, I will have been a nurse for 44 years. I think He'd be happy with that. I tried my best to be a good wife and mother, in spite of the fact that my son has thrown all that I have taught him out the window. I've helped many people physically, emotionally and financially. I've rescued countless homeless dogs and cats. I've taken care of my ornery, manipulative mother in her last years. I took care of my dad before he died.

Now, if God has issues that I decide my fate in that I won't follow her in the path of dementia, then I guess I'll get my butt kicked when I get there.

In the mean time, I WILL NOT have anyone wipe my bottom, dress me, feed me, go into debt because of me or loose their marriage and/or their mind because of me. It's my life and I have a right to do with it as I see fit. When I see life becoming too hard then it will be time to stop the process. No one will see ME wandering the streets in my dirty diaper, babbling like an idiot. I will die with dignity even if it has to be at my own hand.

I am 75 in November. I am afraid of the future. I have been Mother's Caregiver since Jan 2015. Joining the choir, practicing with them all last year and since Sept. this year singing praises to the lord on the risers on Sunday mornings is keeping me joyful and living in the word. My son stays with Mom on Sunday mornings and a friend stays with Mom on Tuesday evenings during my Choir practice. Once a week a retired Nurse stays with Mom for 4 hours so I have time for Dr. appointments and errands. This is a good time in my life being blessed with a loving family life by staying with my Mom and Kitty in a loving Senior Facility. I have two sons. I don't think they or their wives would take me in and I worry about finances, or how can I fund taking care of myself in the future. I am worried about the 5 year look back period and plan to start paying taxes next year on the income I receive from Mother for Caretaking so I never have to sell my house should Mother live to 106 and then have to go on Medicaid. That doesn't leave much time or money for me to save for my old age. I just got out of debt from a going business that I was forced to quit from when I had health problems 7 years ago. Having a pleasant, loving LO doesn't mean you are without anxiety, we can always find something to give us anxiety even when life is going good. We all need to experience joying living while Caretaking and drop the anxiety. Praise the Lord.

For sure many of us are definitely frightened about the future, particularly if we develop dementia or acquire a medical condition that requires us to be dependent on someone else.

Frankly, I hope I do get cancer because I want to die with dignity. I WILL NOT end up in a nursing home. I'll suffocate myself before I end up in "the home"! Seriously!

I do worry about my future but I choose to be practical about my aging process (eat low sugar, including limited whole grains and fruit, lots of veggies, limited meat, plenty of salmon, no to dairy products on a daily basis; organic diet as much as possible; exercise both cardio and strength @ three to four times a week, get plenty of sleep, try to keep the stress to a minimum) while also focusing - now - on doing things, whatever I can fit in with Mom's schedule, to enjoy my life, to accomplish my goals, to work through my Bucket List - now. My biggest fear on my deathbed is I'll regret not doing things that I wanted to but didn't because of my caregiving responsibilities. I have no regrets on my caregiving experience. I'm much better for it. But, it's also now my time to focus on me - for once.

I choose to put my worry into a plan of action of getting out and enjoying life while I can. For example, I've always wanted to be a good dancer. I'm horrible on the dance floor. It's embarrassing. Have you seen the episode of Seinfeld with Elaine dancing?? I'm worse than her! One of the things on my Bucket List is to be a good dancer...where everyone on dance floor either moves out of the way to either clap along or move out of the way for fear I may accidentally kick them! :-) When my mother was in her younger days, she loved to go dancing on with my father on New Year's Eve. I inherited her love of getting on the dance floor but I also inherited my father's two left feet. :-) I'm actually now researching local dance classes to get my feet going!

Huge Mom.
Hi chica.
I agree. Love your post also.God bless you. You're only getting as "old"as you feel.I choose to enjoy each day passing, and each day arriving, and making it count.I do not sit around and fret as others or feel doomed,nor should anyone here,as i am not OLD yet. Older woman sure(born in 1970s)but not old.I sure will enjoy it all though,if i get mi parents age,and others in our familia,as life is a blessing,and we have to enjoy it much as we can.
Mi parents just are enjoying all the time both blessfully have been together,and do not take any of it for granted, so growing old/being seniors they are and happy in life and are just enjoying their time 24hrs.a day and i daily or few several times week make sure they get out and enjoy! Even if just a ride local/and or different stops we make and have a nice day for few hours each day or every other day.It makes all of the difference.If you're sitting around mourning about getting older, DON'T.
-
Think of all the other innocent people who are dying all young before 50s.

God bless you all.Good night.
adios.

Thank you for asking this question CeeCee. Since my father passed last year, I am scared for myself if and when I do get into my 80s or beyond. Like the others have said, I do intend to plan and ensure I have all my paperwork in place. I too do not want to burden family if at all possible.

I know none of us can predict the future, but I hope with planning and an attitude of gratitude for the present, I will adapt to this final act no matter what it brings.

3 Years ago my mother died at age 81. last year I lost my two sister-in-laws both age 69. Three months ago I buried my son, age 39, My father is 91 and still going strong. I am 63 and in excellent health. No one knows when death will occur. I live each day as it comes to the best of my ability. I do what I can to stay healthy and focus on the positive. I refuse to fear the unknown. I just hope and pray I die when the quality of my life diminishes. My remaining children and husband knows of my wishes for my end of life care and burial. I will not throw in the towel of life yet. I still have what I assume is a good few years left and I intend to live them to the fullest.

thanx! all you thoughtful people for your intelligent insights learned from this 'new age' [not necessarily 'new and improved'!] longer life phenomenon. i volunteer at an art museum's gardens, some members of whom are bright 90-somethings - and - we all likely observe many over 65s who are in poor health or attitude. seeing the opposite ends of the spectrum of aging lifestyles can have the effect of inspiring us - or - appreciation for our not being on the 'wrong end'.

I'm also concerned, and I wasn't as concerned before I began taking care of my father. Now my anxiety for old age is more heightened, and still becoming more so in terms of safety in public or weather related situations.

The fact is though that we're seeing primarily the negative aspects of aging, not that they don't exist. AARP presents the opposite viewpoint, probably as part of it sales pitches, showing older people on international trips, doing all sorts of things, living healthy, and more.

I don't know for certain how many people age gracefully or with medical or other challenges. What I'm trying to do is identify what could happen and make preliminary plans. That's about all I can do, as well as try to ignore the mania in the political situation.

Honestly though, I'm beginning to want to avoid crowds (such as outdoor music concerts), transit stations, and anyplace where there are significant numbers of people to present a target to some deranged person. I think right now the Las Vegas massacre is more on my mind than getting old.

I've been researching the family tree so much I am ready to build a tree house. I have found it fascinating how old many of my Dad's relatives, who were born in the 1800's had lived into their 90's and 100's.

Then I noticed that their own grown children were not living as long. Even less longevity for those grown children's grown children.

My theory is food. Back in the 1800's and early 1900's it was pretty much organic food, thus they had a good foundation. Then came along food with chemicals to give the food a longer shelf life. Then came even more chemicals.

I've been eating more organic foods the past year, so I don't know if I can reverse the damage.... [sigh].

Another things I am doing, not going overboard with medical test. I am now in the "what-ever mode" of health. I have my annual check-up and if the doctor asked for more tests or x-rays, I just drag my feet until another year goes by. I feel I am feeling pretty good right now so why spoil it. I rather live a shorter life then be bogged down taking meds that create so many side-effects it is worse then the illness, and to be stressed out over more medical tests.

FF, you make a good point about tests. At some point, I think they become less helpful and perhaps more harmful mentally and physically. I remember having some really good thorough checkups and tests after my sister died of cancer. I was particularly concerned b/c of the high rate of cancer on my paternal side of the family.

One test was inconclusive; biopsy done, still inconclusive. Another office biopsy, still inconclusive. Doctor wanted to repeat in a few months.

By then I was so afraid I had cancer that I couldn't make plans; it was literally a paralyzing fear - I was worried about myself, taking care of my father, what plans to make. So eventually I said I'm going to put it all aside and just live my life.

I think that worry created the stress that made it difficult to move forward not only b/c of anxiety but because of unresolved issues of my sister's death.

Yes, I am now, and thanks for bringing this up. Some posts here are talking about how death and illness can come at any age, and some old age is just fine. But that wasn't your question, you were specifically asking about concern regarding a long, slow, painful old age decline that really does happen to some people. I was never afraid before until it happened (and continues to happen) to my own parents. The physical and mental pain for my dad lasted years. He had been a cowboy who said he'd never die in a nursing home nor burden anyone but instead would ride off into the sunset on his horse and never return. Instead, he rotted away at a nursing home (we visited as often as possible -- and they did the best they could) with so many issues it took multiple nurses 24/7 to care for him. Diapers, pain no one could alleviate, gangrene starting in his leg, fear of amputation, his teeth falling out, laying there trapped day after day after day, he and everyone wishing he would pass on but instead he just kept living and living and living and living -- his soul trapped in that painful rotting body. That's when my nightmares began about old age. Now it's my mother's turn. Physical pain so severe and for the last 6 years all of us have been hunting across the globe for cures and remedies that might at least alleviate her pain and nothing works, even though she gives her all to each medicine or technique she's supposed to try. Two of her vital organs have been on the decline and in the last stages for years. She has outlived both of her parents by a decade. She has complete faith that she'll go to heaven and prays every day that she'll wake up there. And yet, she continues to go on and on and on and on and on. The emotional and financial stress on us, her kids, has been tremendous. The worst is knowing how much she is suffering. Her situation is what reinforced the nightmares I started getting about old age that started with my father. Yes, it "might" not happen to me. But it might, so I, too, look for a back up plan for a way out when the time comes. In nature, if we became that deteriorated, we would already have passed away -- our tribe could not have taken care of us. It isn't God keeping people alive in my opinion, it's modern medicine defying God. I wouldn't even mind a private, even secret forum for people who don't believe in suicide in general, but do believe in finding painless and quick ways to cross over when there is nothing left in life except physical pain and misery to look forward to.

Golden23 has the right attitude. Many elders have a a pretty good life. Even if you are sick at the very end, that is NOT the majority of your old age. I live in an "over 55" community that is near services, medical facilities, restaurants and shopping. If I could no longer drive, there is transportation available. Perhaps the key to a good old age is preparation! We never know what may be ahead, but you can try to plan to make life easier. (e.g. give up that big old house and lawn way out in the country)

Just skimmed through this thread. Great stuff, good discussion.

Watching my parents go downhill the last few years taught me a lot. Mostly, how not to enter old age! So we've been getting our ducks in a row. (Mid 60s). I won't go into all the details as previous posters have made excellent points, but moving the laundry room to the first floor is my fav thing in the world now!

Two things worry me about getting old.

It's sooo damn sneaky. One day your hiking on the Appalachian trail and first thing ya know someone stuck you in a crappy nursing home and you cant remember your zip code. It comes on so slow. The house gets a little dirty then filthy.  The furniture is disgusting but seems just fine to you.  (My parents). How do you know when it's time to move to Oregon and drink the Koolaid?  Usually you don't, and keep hanging on by virtue of habit and instinct till it's too late

And, for folks like us with no kids, who do you assign poa etc? Who do you trust to see your end of life wishes are carried out?

But just remember,

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and talent every time. (Not really relevant here but great philosophy I think)

I think our society prolongs life. It is okay to die when you are old, its normal. My mom is 94, has Alzheimer's and bladder cancer. She lives in memory care and her body and mind are dying very slowly. It is so sad and heartbreaking. I know for a fact, that normal mom, would not want to live this way. My dad died when he was 67, his cancer returned and he was gone in a few months. Now that I look back, I feel that his walk with death was more humane and bearable. My mother in-law is 95, lives in assisted living and has dementia. She has had multiple life saving surgeries and she is miserable and mean. I love them both, but do not want to end up like them.

I promise my children I will NOT do this to them. It is heartbreaking and financially devastating. I had to laugh at Ceecee's post when she mentioned the pillow and the pills. On a lighter side; my husband always tells me, "if I am drooling on myself just put a pillow over my face", my response "If I don't know who I am, just put that little pill in my drink". Then we shook hands. Honestly, if I do get to a point of no return, I want to go out with a bang. Do something crazy - like get on a hangglider and never return, or get that bucket list out and do it. Why not, better than wasting away in a nursing home.

GA - fear, as mentioned by the OP is a great source of stress which in itself may lead to illness. Re your tests and fear following your sister's death, I think you did the right thing. You put it aside. I had a girlfriend who got breast cancer.The first time I saw her after her surgery I felt a bit awkward and asked how she was. She said she was not going to let the disease define her, so we carried on chatting as usual. Later she had a second mastectomy and kept the same attitude and enjoyed her life. She died instantly about 5 years ago in a car accident with no further signs of cancer. Go figure.

Some people have mentioned planning. I think it is key to relieving our fears. Maya Angelou said “Hoping for the best, prepared for the worst, and unsurprised by anything in between.”

Pain and disease can come at any age, though granted come more often as we age, Sig other's youngest son in his early 20s was hit in the head by a flying object and lives with 24/7 excruciating headaches for which no solution has been found. They were told he would not live beyond 40 due to the side effects of the strong meds he is on. He has over 10 years to go. He has already had a perforated bowel and nearly died. Compared to hm and other like him, I think I am doing OK.

Windy - yes, it sneaks up on you or may come very quickly in the form of a disease or CV event. Interesting about the laundry. I intend to keep mine in the basement for now so I have to walk the stairs. Stairs are still my friend though I am not denying that my knees feel the first steps in the morning. Re POA, you assign it to a trusted professional. Love the old age and treachery quote.

Doreen, I agree that modern medicine often prolongs dying and it is unfortunate. I also agree with getting your bucket list out and start doing it, rather than dwelling on what may happen to you. You don't need a terminal diagnosis to live your life. Hence my "on your mind is " living is the only thing you can't leave for later." Worry can become a habit and needs to be resisted.

Come see me. We will sit at McDonald's and have a coke and just nod and say, "There, there..." to each other because I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to be that person that was going to live to be 100 and amaze everyone. Uh, yeah, that changed after watching my mom decline. If I'm receiving my heavenly reward at 75, then I'll call that a good go.

I decided long ago that I will not have my children look after me. I too am afraid of getting too old and helpless. If I get really bad I will go to hospital and say I have no family, maybe they will then help. Try not to worry it does not help a thing Take care

Just today ordered a book, "Be Anxious for Nothing".
Well, that is exactly what I am anxious about: "Nothing".
I am anxious, it is just about nothing that is happening now.
So, Max Lucado wrote about it.

Mom's new roomie is anxious too
Up in the middle of the night to pack and leave

It bothers me greatly to know what's ahead
The loss of control, freedom, enjoyment, privacy, dignity

Pie doesn't even make a dent in making it better

MiAdvocacy8600, I'm happy for you that you have such a positive outlook on life, that's great. I'm about 20 years older than you. 20 years ago I had just about the same attitude as you do, but after seeing my dad get sick & die, my mother develop dementia, my sister has breast cancer, my husband has diabetes, etc., I no longer feel the same way about life. My mother & I were best friends all my life, now at 82 she no longer speaks to me. She blames me for everything negative in her life. I bought her a beautiful home to live in so she would be close to me & I could take care of her. She's moving out and won't tell me where she's going. She told me yesterday she's working with an attorney to rid me out of her life forever. She's found 2 new younger female friends, I know both of them have financial problems, so I'm frightened for her. There's not much I can do at this point. Yep, I kinda have a negative feeling about my own aging since I saw the unthinkable happen right before my eyes - my mother is 'gone' like an space alien stole her. I hope your life does continue to be sunshine & roses, I thought mine would be like that too when I was younger.

Tiredofmom.
WOW I so feel for you. I was 'lucky' I was well brought up to know I wasnt the popular one. But in hindsight, Ma shared many of her feelings and thoughts with me, that I found out the others never really knew about.
I have callouses on both shoulders from all the shrugging off, from what today would be considered child neglect.
So I dont have many feelings when I go and see the wizened up old lady.
82 and with 'new friends' is definitely a worry. Im guessing no obvious dementia that can mean her funds are controlled.
Lets hope she doesnt come crawling to you when her bills are 3mths overdue and her friends disappear,
That must hurt badly.

One thing really stands out in these answers and that is having loved ones or friends you can count on. No amount of long-term insurance or Medicaid is going to cover that. Friends can help you get through physical infirmities. My folks were doing great until my mother died in her 70s. I know her absence is partially responsible for my father's dementia. His loneliness won't be solved by assisted living, but at least he has me looking out for him. My fear is dementia without anyone to keep me on track, let alone the financial resources just to cover the basics. There are fewer people to talk to every year as time takes everything away.

I guess I do worry a little bit when I think about it. I have all my paperwork done, plan to find a CCRC, in all likelihood will be able to find something decent when this is all over with. But I really don't expect any of my hubby's children to want to continue a relationship with me--they call and visit less and less even now (one doesn't come at all). And I have no relatives of my own, so whatever I set up while I still have my marbles will just have to do. I think I'm okay now but what if my brain starts to leak before everything is arranged? Will I even know it? And who will advocate for me when the wonderful CCRC I choose puts me in memory care and then management changes and it becomes a h*ll-hole? Well, I guess I can only do what I can do. But there is an undercurrent of stress there.

AW CHICA. hola.(Hi TiredMom) first tonight, i send you a prayer,for it to get better for you and your world/your life. I now send you Hugs-n-Blessings tonight, and gracia.(thank you ) for what you're citing, as i just log-in and read your response, quoting me/saying my name, so i thank you.

But wrong on 1 thing lol (mi life is not/have not been all roses) 95%sure, and that is only from not (even after what happened to daddy a light to mild stroke) and recovering all year so beautifully thank the LORD, and being around him, more and my mom and being here for them, even though i am here full time,and do not regret it at all. I love the so much et.al., i still went through mi own trials and tribulations with an ex spouse,where i later became happy divorced(LOL) so again,
NO... It's not all roses, for me, however chica, yes, i have a great life, for me, that i've made for mi self(overcoming multi-adversity)at that,and also now focusing on taking care of dad full-time for 1 year just about, and i am here making sure he enjoy all of the days as my mom is also here,making sure and yes we are happy campers, and i wish this for your family/you and your mother that is.
I think its about how "we deal with such issue(s) et.al., and adversity in our lives chica."
That es mi point. I read your post and i feel bad for you,and pray it gets better one day for you.You're what? Only mid sixties or early sixties,right?So you're still have alot of life God-willing each day to enjoy.You're not able to "control"sadly what mom is doing and or attempting to do to "rid you"from her world.I pray for her too that she is going to realize what a GREAT amazing daughter she has,and about buying her the house or helping her with a place, that was amazing and truly a loving daughter. Reach me anytime you want,and i just think again we have to try each day NOT to let what is going on, "Affect us to no end, to fret over "aging like that,and stress et.al.,"it just isn't healthy for any 1 (at any age) God bless you,and again reach me anytime. Even through mi tough times in life, i've always made it to the "other side of happiness" because i have an extreme outlook on the positive, in mi every day life,and i refuse to let any 1 or any stressful thing take it away from me. That is what i mean by other post, you read, and i hope you are in life going to be able to see the 'beauty' again in life,each day and know that you still have alot of life to live,and enjoy! I ma here for you anytime.
Hugs and blessings to you this evening.God bless.
adios.

INVINCIBLE:; aw. chica, hola. hi.
and i believe strongly you're going to be bless by the lord above, for looking out as i do regularly for mi father, full time, while i am here where they are, relocated (came down on a visit)to the south,been here happily since. with MOM, and god bless you chica, i mean that.
good night
hugs-n-blessings for you tonight.
adios.

MiAdvocacy8600, thank you for your post, your words are uplifting to me, I needed that today.