I have a loved one that I am POA for. She had a massive stroke no one expected her to survive initially. After months of rehab, she refused to apply for Medicaid and wanted to come live with my family in another state. My husband was a firm no on this. But, the SNF kept on me that she should go home with me.
I explained to them that I am disabled myself and that I have my own parents to take care of and I have no ability to be her caretaker. Long story short, she moved into our home.
She became a 24/7 responsibility. Nursing homes won't take her without a new hospital stay and her doctor, her social worker and half the people I talk to while looking for services say to bring her to the ER. She's scared--I'm scared. I've never done this but I my condition has worsened so much that my doctor has me on bed rest. That's a joke - how do I do bed rest?
My husband suggested me going into the ER for me and bring her with me which would force a social admit.
Navigating this stuff is ridiculous. It shouldn't be.
Most of the Q&As I've seen here about ER Dumps are family members that need care for dementia or Alzheimer's. Is there anything different I should do or know doing this with a stroke patient?
We're out of time.
The ER social worker knew exactly what we needed and how to get things going and no one has made me feel bad about it. The social worker asked if she was ever able to return to my home and I said no and it's not safe for her there and that was it.
She's in good spirits and was happy to see us when we visited yesterday.
This was completely different from the experience I had when she was going through her initial recovery stages. The hospital social worker at that hospital was high pressure sales nonstop.
Again, thank you for all the advice and pep talk. It helped immensely.
I think that other than the idea your husband has I can't see another course of action. I will tell him, however, that he had better HIDE, because they will expect him to take on the care you cannot. Of BOTH OF YOU. You are going to have to be able to say that there is no one else to help her.
Your post to us is terrible, and can only stand as a warning to others. You WILL receive calls from Social Workers who want to move your elders off their plates and onto your own. Taking this on you will be told they will help you, that they "will make this work" and the truth is that they cannot and they will not.
I honestly cannot know what will work for you at this point and I will be following this thread to hope that someone else has an idea for you. I am so very sorry you are going through this. I wish you luck and hope you'll update us.
I was successful with the "ER dump" but I think only because they knew I could not be there at home because I needed to work, so my father would have been in danger if they sent him home. If I were retired, they would have been more likely to push him to go home.
It really stinks the position you are in, and I know how tough it is to tell the staff at the hospital that you are unable to take care of her, but that is what you must do, and you must be firm and convincing. This time, absolutely refuse any attempts by them to send her back home. I wish you well.
You must take care of your own health first. I’m sure that you care about your mom’s wellbeing but your health is at risk. Your husband is concerned about you and doesn’t want your health to deteriorate.
So, what exactly are your thoughts on this situation? Are you willing to take your chances with an ER dump?
How can they force you to take your mom back?
I had a friend who had a serious stroke many years ago. He was single, never married, no children, only one nephew that lived several states away.
He totaled his car, was taken to the hospital. He gave the hospital names and phone numbers of his friends. While we were all concerned about him, none of us in his circle of friends were willing to take him into our homes to care for him.
He also had terminal cancer. The doctor at the hospital told us that his condition was beyond curable and that they would not be providing any further treatment for his cancer. Sadly, there wasn’t any more that they could do for him.
When the nephew didn’t step forward, nor any of us, they found a skilled nursing facility for him to go to and he died there.
If you refuse to take your mother back home, I don’t see how they could force you to.
Having said this though, I have heard nurses say that they frequently placed some patients in a cab and sent them back home.
So, you are going to have to be very cautious and extremely rigid in saying that you absolutely will not be able to care for her due to your own medical issues. Have your doctor write up a statement as proof if that will make you feel more comfortable with this situation.
Wishing you and your family all the best. Please keep us posted on your progress. We care.
If she lands in the hospital, this is when u say NO I can no longer care for her. Do not walk out that door with her because you have said you will take the responsibility of her. They will find her a place. But don't be surprised when the State takes over her care which means your POA will be null and void.
Your story is validation of just how persistent the discharge planners can be in getting family members to take patients home. You explained to them why you couldn't do it, yet they bullied you into it, regardless. Right?
What relationship to you is this loved one, and why did it become you that got involved? (I see that it is not either of your parents.)
Your H was against bringing her into your home. Has he given any assistance?
People here have done the ER dump. But you'd better gird yourself for a lot of stress while you get bullied yet again (probably) to bring her home.