My mom had a stroke and now is not all there cognitively. My dad died of cancer 5 years ago and my mom doesn’t remember this tragedy now.
In fact ALL of my relatives are alive in her mind. We have dinner parties for them all the time here. At first I tried to gently explain. But when I told her that my grandmother died many years ago she bawled and was unconsolable. So of course I never told her about my dad. But the lie has been he is at training for work. Now though I will find her crying and the reason is that she thinks my dad doesn’t love her anymore because he has been gone so long and any man that stays away is never coming back.
It is breaking my heart.
So any suggestions on new lies? Or what you have done?
Can you write letters to her from "dad"?
Put them in the mail and she can get mail once a week from dad.
Tell her about the training, the work, how difficult it is and how much he misses her.
Dad is working overtime, Mama says to stay over because of the weather, sister Margaret will call in the morning.
All in love and care and concern.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/validation-method-for-dementia-calming-or-condescending-166707.htm
If that's not in keeping with the situation, perhaps you could say, "Well, Dad was such a fast learner and got the best grades in his class, they begged him to stay on and teach for a while. He was really honored that they asked."
It was heartbreaking to read your story. I feel for you.
I don't know if this will work, depending on where she is/how she is...but when my folks visited my sister a few years ago we were clueless about how the dementia had snuck in under our noses...and so once there, and when she learned how long they would be there, and no explanation satisfied her, my sister simply began to white lie and respond "the day after tomorrow" which was soon enough and complex enough and/or vague enough to satisfy mom in the moment. Maybe that will buy you some time...that dad will be home the day after tomorrow....
Send them once a week or so, and then save them so she can look over them again when she gets down.