Before my dad and my mom's husband of 62 yrs died suddenly in June (in NJ), they had planned to move to FL permanently. I currently live in CT. They've been snowbirds for the past 20 or so years -- have a beautiful home & are permanent residents. Since June, mom's cardiac probs have worsened ( broken heart?), and she was dx with dementia in August. She started showing symptoms about 2 yrs ago, but dad concealed and compensated well for her. Dad was trying to shoulder everything so his adult children didn't have to. ( I miss him painfully and am falling apart a little more each day). Long story short -- it's been the worst most challenging 6 months of my 57 years by far, as Im POA & HCP, with minimal family, minimal friend, and only professional support ( eg geriatric care mgr, one or 2 docs, my therapist).
Mom is currently in rehab, after cardiac probs & has no insight into future with dementia or real life current needs. She's assuming life as usual upon discharge, which should've happened a while ago, but hasn't bc of a slew of other related & frustrating challenges. She's gotta get out -- it's depressing and the medical care is terrible. And, I know the lack of stimulation and socialization is making things worse all around, in context of dementia. Not great feeling for me either, honestly. Love mom deeply.. Im feeling so guilty & sad that she's there, wanting to leave, and hasn't been able to. (Long story) She's always had THE best docs & care. Dad would be heartbroken. :-( ( stay tuned for a future post.about that)
Is the idea of moving to FL completely insane? She'd go to AL or MC. Home care isn't possible for a bunch of reasons. Fortunately, it's something we could swing financially. And, it'd save in the long run due to no income tax. So much would have to happen -- so many details, logistics, etc - eg, placement, travel, new medical team, medication mgmt (temp), moving me ( and pet), car(s) transport, transition challenges, etc. Sometimes, Im crazy enough to think it could work. At others ( more), I actually wonder if I've lost touch with reality not kidding. The sun &fresh air are good. (Not a fan of hurricanes, tho.)
Lots of important I haven't included.-- just too much.
Anyone have experience with something like this? Ideas? Suggestions? Sometimes the craziest ideas turn out to be the best ones, so im open to hearing them each & every one.
Ahead of time, Thank You for making time to respond. More appreciated than you know.
Do you want to go to Florida? Is this move just for your mom? Are you staying in NJ? Some people manage their caregiving from far away and others prefer being closer. If you are staying in NJ, will you be able to travel to see her occasionally?
Have you considered assisted living or memory care in NJ?
You mentioned that you don’t like hurricanes. Then don’t go. There will always be hurricanes. I live in Louisiana. We have hurricanes. My uncle moved to New Jersey. My cousins are in Brick, NJ. They have the snow! Take your pick. Snow or hurricanes?
I think your idea, if I'm reading it correctly as Daughterof1930 wrote it out, is a bit too big of an undertaking, to be honest with you. Why not get mom set up in AL or Memory Care AL first, then stay in a hotel nearby for a while to scope out how YOU'D like LIVING there before you make a permanent move. Or, move her to CT into a managed care facility nearby to where you live now, because she does not 'need' to be in FL. It just seems that two big moves would be to much to handle.
Perhaps more details would help, I'm not sure.
Best of luck
Please know that I understand how much you love your mom. I must tell you that you are considering taking on a huge undertaking.
I cared for my mom with Parkinson’s disease and dementia and it is difficult to do. It gets worse as time goes by.
Have you considered placing your mom in assisted living or memory care? You can visit often and be her advocate.
Best wishes to you and your family.