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Go. Have an enjoyable evening out.
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Personally I think you should have divorced him 5 years ago. The fact that he was abusive would have been enough but the fact that he also has/had a girlfriend should have sealed the deal. (Where is she and why is she not caring for him?)
Anyway...a few thoughts for you.
You can divorce him now. Yeah you will get haters for that move but not if they knew the backstory.
You can place him in Memory Care. That way you will not be personally caring for a man that has been abusive to you. Yup, your are going to get haters for this move as well. (see ya just can't win with some people!)
Before you do anything at least consult with an Elder Care Attorney and see what options you have that will be beneficial to you. (sometimes it is financially better to divorce, other cases it is better to remain married, at least on paper)

One other thing...If your husband is a Veteran please check with your local Veterans Assistance Commission they will help determine if he is eligible for any benefits from the VA. They will do this free of charge.

lastly....Life is short and you never know what is going to happen. If you want to see this person go ahead. I doubt seriously that God will mind. It is your husband and his abuse and infidelity that has to "worry". And maybe MJ1929 is right, you have served your penance here on earth.
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If you can get away from H for two hours--which may not be a small feat--then go on the date.
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"God’s covenantal design for marriage is broken by abuse, and Scripture does not mandate that an abused wife must remain married to an abuser; therefore, the body of Christ is called to model God’s compassion toward abused women through effective strategies designed to meet the needs of women who are trying to escape abusive relationships.  God designed marriage to be a covenantal relationship through which spouses could experience companionship, physical relationship, respect, love, and caring. On the contrary, abuse and neglect are condemned by Scripture and can break the marriage covenant. When this happens, divorce is permitted due to the hard-heartedness of the abuser and as a legal protection for the abused. "

Source: https://mendingthesoul.org/resources/general/a-biblical-response-to-the-abused-wife/

Yes, go and date this nice man. It may help you to get some counseling before entering into another relationship. Many abusers start out "nice" and the victims have a high tolerance for bad treatment by others.

If you are attending a church where the pastor or others are admonishing/pressuring/guilting you to stay with your abuser, you should also divorce this church. I wish you peace and joy as you move forward to a better life.
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Why did you get back together with a man who has been abusing you for 42 years? You say this is 'a difficult question & hope we won't be too hard on you'. Is that because you know you're staying in an abusive relationship when God doesn't want you to DO that? When He wants you to RESPECT the body and the life He gave you? By staying and allowing this abuse to continue, THIS is how you are 'going against God' in reality, not by divorcing this abusive husband and moving on with the life you were given & expected to cherish.

You have your priorities entirely backwards. But that's what tends to happen with abusive men; they convince you that you're the bad guy and they're the good guy. That you deserve no happiness. Therein lies the trouble and the bald faced LIES.

Get rid of your husband by getting him placed into managed care, then file for divorce or at least legal separation, then embrace all the happiness life has to offer you, wherever you happen to find it, with whomever you happen to find it with. You deserve to.
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DrBenshir Jan 2022
Depending on the state it can be very difficult to divorce someone who is dependent and mentally incompetent. Lealonnie1 does have good advice: get your husband into long term care and legally separate. If there is no one who can take care of him and your state makes it difficult to divorce him, you might have long term guardianship of him. Consider all of the fiscal and legal ramifications. You are in control now, not your abusive husband. Get help to make decisions that are best for you, since you still have to manage life independently. Your husband will be cared for in some way, but you have only yourself. Do not involve any children or extended family in your decision making. They will see this from their perspective not yours. After all is completed legally, make sure that any family members who need to know are told what the new arrangements are. Do not get into a relationship before your marriage is reorganized. In many states this can be used against you when dissolving the marriage. Lawyer first, dating second. I hope both work out well for you.
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Good grief, can't you leave the abuser behind and enjoy knowing someone nice? Go for it.
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Personally, I wouldn't worry about God. You've been through Hell already.
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MJ1929 Jan 2022
After thinking about this for a minute, I'm going to add something, though --

What kind of "nice" man asks out a married woman who is caring for her husband, Alzheimer's or not? That seems really weird.

I could see that happening if your husband was in a facility, but if I understand correctly, is he still home?

I see nothing wrong with having lunch with a friend -- even a male one -- but are you thinking there's more to this than that? If so, I'd be a little wary of a "nice man" who's moving in for the kill this way.
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