Mother’s Day is especially hard for those of us who recently lost our moms. For those of you who lost your mom, how did you handle it?
My head tells me it’s real. My heart still hasn’t quite accepted it. I guess since it’s only been slightly over a week since she’s been gone.
I do take comfort that she is at peace and has joined my father in the afterlife.
I went to the store to buy things I needed and saw all of the Mother’s Day displays and started to cry. I know that it will be easier later on but this first Mother’s Day so soon after her death is very hard.
I turned the television off because of the ads for Mother’s Day.
I find myself wanting the day to be over with. I love my children very much and appreciate the sentiment of Mother’s Day but I know that my mom will be close to my heart throughout the day.
Sympathy cards are arriving in the mail. I know that it’s wonderful to be thought, I do appreciate them but it makes me so sad to read them.
To those of us who've lost a mother, it's still a day to reflect on the good times shared over the years.
That's just your mom's memory burrowing a little deeper in your heart. Hugs to you.
My first holiday without Mama was Christmas. That was very difficult, as our little family (me, Mama and Hubs) usually celebrated it all by ourselves, so the day really revolved around Mama. I would get her a few little gifts like her favorite candies and some flowers, and hang her special wreath in her window so that she could see the colorful lights. I would also make a special dinner of prime rib (Mama loved her beef!) with sautéed mushrooms and a nice salad - also her favorite - and we would have a wonderful day together. That first Christmas was awful, and this past Easter was pretty difficult as well, because Mama always looked forward to the little Easter basket full of Hershey Kisses that I would give her.
As this Mother's Day approached, I also avoided the store displays and changed the channel on the TV whenever the commercials came on. But now that the day is actually here, I feel strangely calm and relieved. I know that it would be much harder if Mama had just recently passed, as opposed to five months ago. It also helps that I will be very busy today, as we're in the middle of moving to another city and will be taking another couple of carloads of small stuff to the new house before the movers come for the furniture tomorrow. (And this may sound macabre, but I finally packed Mama's urn last night and will have it in the car with me today, so we'll be together on Mother's Day after all.)
This day will pass, as have all the others since our Mamas went to Heaven. If you feel sad, let the tears flow, and then smile at the memories of the Mother's Days past. My own eyes are full as I write this, as I'm thinking that my Mama would tell me, "Don't cry, Baby Girl - it's YOUR day now."
❤️
Anyway, the hardest one for me was Christmas. I'm not religious and mom really wasn't either. But, I did get her cards and sometimes little gifts for the usual days. I had a card already for Christmas, but hadn't put together any gifts yet when we lost her. I see the card and it upsets me that I didn't get to send it to her. Even worse, the staff would often put together cards, etc from the residents. So, in the mail comes a card from mom along with a picture of her. That arrived sometime after we lost her. That was difficult.
Of course you would feel sad now, being inundated with all the ads and displays so soon after losing your mother. I still get annoyed with the email ads for Father's Day gifts - he's been gone for quite some time now. Never mind that I think it's all commercial buy buy buy... My daughter once picked a handful of the little weed flowers growing out back and brought them in to me. THAT meant more to me than any stupid Hallmark card or various "gifts" given on the days THEY determine are worthy! I told her that and have tried to reinforce that over time. Your gifts from the heart are worth more than all the cards on the shelves!
Oh, I used to love those little flowers that my kids picked for me! It was so sweet.
Lots of holidays get blown out of proportion nowadays. I feel the same.
I actually like doing things spontaneously. It’s fun to do things that aren’t necessarily planned and are wonderful surprises anytime of the year.
2.5 years ago and miss her terribly. If only she'd lived and my father had gone first. She was a joy to be with. Uncomplaining, easy to please. Just happy to go along. I guess the only way she could escape from the prison my father had her in, was to pass away. Hard words? But the truth.
Your mom sounds so lovely.
Weekends only? Okay 👍
Temporary jobs are nice once in awhile.
I have broken down in tears before in Mass. something would trigger my pain and it is a spontaneous reaction. Our churches are open now. I have been streaming Mass or watching it on television. I do miss attending Mass but I am thinking I will watch this Sunday’s Mass on television.
I do have a Mass scheduled for my mom and the vigil candle to be burned on the alter for her. I will definitely attend that service. My daughters will too. My younger daughter will be in town for mom’s burial and Mass.
My job is getting to the slow time of year, when I will start to have my weekends off again. I had been planning on going to church - between work and the pandemic, I haven't been "in" church in a looooonnnnnggggg time - but I usually went to church with mom. I had to think twice about it - I figure the first time I'm back in church is going to be fairly emotional to begin with. I think doing both first Mother's day AND first time back in church on the same day might equate to having to sponge me off the floor, so discretion being the better part of valor, I'm going to hold off in-person services until probably next Sunday.
The Mother's Day commercials haven't been making me too emotional, mostly because I normally find them trite and annoying to begin with (but that's just part of my strange personality :) ). And my mom was not one to hold much value in Mother's Day (I believe she referred to it as a "Hallmark Holiday" - and not in a complimentary manner), so I'm hoping to not be too much of an emotional wreck. I have a feeling my sisters are going to have a worse time with it than I am - my one sister who was sort of absent through my mom's illness has no children, and my other sister who was here much more often has children, but they live a distance from her. My kids are still at home, so I will have some distractions that they might not have.
I think if I'm feeling blue, I'll spend some time puttering in my garden. Being around green, growing things (excepting mold in the fridge!! Yikes!!) usually makes me feel a little less sad.
I hear you! Many things have become so commercialized! I have to tell you that my mom and I stopped going out to dinner for Mother’s Day ages ago! Too crowded, bad service unless we made reservations at a place that did ‘limited seating’ so the staff wasn’t overwhelmed.
I love breakfast out in Mother’s Day. That’s fun! Dinner the day before or after was the way to go for us, not having to deal with the mayhem.
Of course, in later years, mom wasn’t well enough to go out to dinner, so my husband cooked for us or he would get take out for everyone.
This is the first year that my younger daughter will be away. She moved to Denver and she is coming in town for mom’s funeral soon, and I don’t expect her to take off work for Mother’s Day to see me.
I love nature too. I hope your work schedule eases up soon. Sounds like a grind!
We’re going to get through this hurdle, right? All the best to you, NGE.
I hope your day will go all right, NeedHelp. Firsts are always milestones in which we think deeply about it.
I think that from what you have told us on this forum, your relationship with your brother was indeed very special. He sounds like he was a great person. I enjoy reading about how responsible he was in his life. He was a planner, certainly not a guy to fly by the seat of his pants. Oh my gosh, my oldest brother was a guy that did no planning. I was always amazed when things went well for him because most of the time he paid the price for being a guy who flew by the seat of his pants.
I like that you reflect on special memories on Mother’s Day. I know that I will include happy memories on Mother’s Day. Maybe I will buy her favorite flowers to remember her by. Maybe I will think of her favorite perfume, her favorite food. She won’t be here physically to share all of her favorite things, but you are right, the memories don’t have to die with her.
I am extremely happy that mom is out of pain, that’s for sure. I think all of the ads are getting to me BIG TIME!
Plus, I went to buy thank you cards. One for the hospice organization and the other for clergy. Of course, I had to walk right past the huge display of Mother’s Day cards. I couldn’t even look in that direction.
Oh my gosh, church is normally joyful on Mother’s Day for me, but I see your point of church being difficult at certain times. Mother’s Day is a big deal at our church. Roses are passed out to the moms. Moms are always mentioned in the homily and we are asked to stand up so the priest can say a special blessing for us. Constant reminders! Our church always has beautiful flowers on the alter for special occasions. Mom loved flowers, just like my grandmother and myself. My mother in law did too. They all grew lovely flowers in their gardens and my mother in law grew pretty African violets inside.
It’s interesting that mom died so very close to the day that my father died. Oh, I struggled horribly the first Father’s Day after daddy died. My children were young so I was still picking out the Father’s Day cards for them and I went into the store to select the card and I burst into tears. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I would never see daddy again or hear his voice ever again. I had to walk out of the store, cry in my car, compose myself, before I could go back into the store to purchase a card.
Your pastor was right in saying that we grieve for ourselves. I do feel that the feelings are intense because mom died so recently. I suppose it is better to be going through the grieving process at this time. I have known people who hold everything together for a long time and later they experience a delayed reaction out of the blue that they weren’t prepared for. It wasn’t that they hadn’t cared. They say that they were possibly in shock, plus in order for them to plan the funeral and do all of the necessary things after a death that they pushed away the tears. Everyone does handle grief differently.
The way we grieve has changed quite a bit from the past too. I remember grandma telling me that in her day, women wore black dresses for a solid year and men wore black armbands for an entire year. They did not participate in any types of entertainment such as listening to the radio or going out dancing and so on. Oh my gosh, now some people get married six weeks after burying their spouses. Those things would have been considered disrespectful and disgraceful.