My mom is 83, very hard hearing, wears hearing aides, I catch her if she thinks no ones here or in her room talking nasty about me or my daughter. We take turns doing for her. I've been here 3 weeks because she had covid and was in hospital 8 days and now oxygen dependant and her mumbling and nasty talk is worse. She's been independant until she got sick. About 5 days before she got sick she fell for a scammer on phone and was on her way to walmart to get a prepaid gift card for this scammer and that's something she would have never done. Well her hood latch somehow was unhooked and it flew up and broke her windshield on way to walmart and never got card thankfully. Van is in garage cuz without it fixed yet I don't have to worry about her driving. Now she will talk to me like a kid when she wants something or nasty about me when she thinks I can't hear, but if someone calls on phone she's either perfectly fine or acts sicker than she is? I don't get it? Her mother had dementia and it reminds me of start of it. Help? lol ugh I'm so frustrated. I don't think she should drive anymore. She backed into a car in a parking lot and left about 5 months ago and the cart boy got her plate number turned her in cuz it damaged car and she had to pay fine and that and she was mad because she got caught. Called cart boy a mfer, calls me that under her breath, but she doesn't pay attention. She thinks she can just do whatever and now she acts like a kid or hateful.
I hope you are not taking her nasty comments to heart. I think it is fairly obvious that she is not in her right mind. Also pretty clear that she has some kind of dementia which is keeping her from behaving normally. Definitely should not be driving. Good that you kept the van not in working order. Keep making excuses for why it is not fixed yet, if that becomes an issue.
Oh that thing about how they behave with others is absolutely maddening! With me it's all whining and complaining but on the phone or in person with others she's all rainbows and unicorns. A lot of platitudes like "it's going as well as can be expected" type of comments. And/or a lot of complaining about every pain, which is a substantial list. To the doctor, downplays the pain and problems. To the physical therapist, so cooperative and grossly exaggerates how much PT she does in his absence. Or makes a bunch of excuses for why she "couldn't" do her PT. I have to find a way to not let it make me so mad.
Maybe she'll improve a bit as she continues to recover from her sickness. I sure hope so!
Next start keeping a journal of everything out of the ordinary that mom is doing, and share that with her Dr's next time she goes, or better yet through the patient portal, so her Dr's are aware of these changes. Once her Dr's have deemed her mentally incompetent, whoever has the POA's can start making decisions on her behalf.
Definitely sounds like mom shouldn't be driving at this point. Dr's can make that recommendation as well to take her keys away, and report to the DMV. In the meantime just don't get her windshield fixed, and she won't have a choice.
And last but not least, please try to not take what mom is saying about you and your daughter personally. I know that is easier said than done, but when a persons mind starts going, they really have no control over some of things that they say or do. So be patient and understanding, and start planning for the future for moms care. Best wishes.