Mom (95) lives w/ sister (72) and her husband (80) for last 40 yrs. Mom is mentally alert but mom and Sis are co-dependents. Mom is first consideration for Sis.
Mom is in a wheelchair, can barely transfer, falls sometimes, some toilet accidents, can't shower, must have meals cooked and served to her, needs meds set-up weekly, has a Fentynal (sp?) patch for pain, can't be left on her own for more than an hour or two.
Sis has help maybe 3 hrs a day along with me driving out twice a week to prep food, meds, and pay bills, about 4 hrs/wk.
Sis's family is sick and tired of this arrangement--everything has to be arranged around MOM. I think it is past-time for a change to a NH. Sis says Mom doesn't need 24 hr. care. I have looked at NH/SNF places in case Sis ends up in the hospital because Mom can't live with me and my family and I'm not moving out to Sis's house to take care of Mom.
Does CA take over with Medi-Cal after she has spent down her limited savings (no other assets)? The NH/SNF I have toured seem to be telling me this--and they do the paperwork. True?
I amend my previous statement to frequentlierx , he and I have been chatting and he does , in fact, have the correct human anatomy ( NO! Not that kind of chatting!!! Get your minds out of the gutter. ;0) kidding. What I mean is I don't think he is a troll so I apologize. Just another victim to stressed out caregiving.
((( hugs))) to all stressed out caregivers.
I guess you dont
And I public formal apology to MishkaM :-) Nite all :-) W
People go to Florida to die.
People go to Arizona to die.
People go to their children's homes to die.
People stay in their homes to die.
People go to hospitals to die.
LOL ... we are all going to die, and we are all going to be somewhere when we do it. The last place we go is where we are going to die, whether we intended it or not.
So I guess I don't get frequentfliertx's point. People go to nursing homes to die. So?
My great aunt had a much better life in the nursing home than she ever did in her home. And the nursing home she was in was paid for by Medicaid. I worked there as an aide and , yeah, you get some real losers sometimes that have no business being aides. But , man, she loved that place and she was very happy.
My GIL is in an assisted living NH and is loving it. She has a very great social life and is eating better. Well, just recently she has started to slow down but that is not the NH /AL that is because she is 97.
My Grandma did not like the NH. She wanted to live in her own house but she had AD and could not. She would not live with my Mom. Or her brother. She wass not going to be happy anywhere but her house but that was not possible. She was very ill with AD. This nursing home was not great though Mom visited some she did not visit enough, IMO. I was out of state at the time but visited when I could. It was not a great experience.
It is my experience that the residents that get the best care in a NH are the ones whose families visit often. Personally , I would go out of my way to give more attention to the lonely residents that did not have anyone (as an aide) but I noticed that the doctors and nurses seemed to make sure the residents that had concerned family were the ones who got the most attention. HORRIBLE? But human nature? My daughter gets more from her teachers because I am all over them like white on rice. My husband and I both go to the parent teacher conferences and her special Ed teacher scheduales us last because we take so much time ;0). (we love her teacher-half the time we are just swapping funny tales about our girl). When we have IEP meetings-these determine what services my daughter is to get from the school-my husband shows up in a suit and I am full make up. And we divide and conquer. Husband sits by the special Ed. Superintendent and charms him while I get the teacher to write the services I want for my daughter. You do what you gotta do.
So if you all decide to go the NH route you can make it successful. IMO. Just be the squeaky wheel but be the squeaky wheel that is also very kind and appreciative to the all the staff at the nh because you do not want to get on their bad side,
Just some thoughts for you of you and your family decide to go the NH route.
i like your thoughts on NH. for various resons it may become the best option for families and elders but its not always a one way trip to " better " care. if i wanted to duplicate the care my mother recieved in an upscale AL a few years ago i could but id have to steal pills and money from her, feed her non - diabetic meals, jumble her meds and guess at her insulin needs. emotional support wouldnt be an option at any cost..
I'm the troublemaker because I won't just go along with everything the two of them want.
as they say in german: zu teuer fur mich
translation: too expensive for me
Im heading out to New Braunfels now. Tschuss Leute! :-) wayne
As far as paying for it goes, yes she will be eligible for Medi-Cal when her assets and income are under the established limits. And yes, nursing homes typically have someone who can help with the paperwork.