My husband has Alzheimer's and is at the stage where he is in depends, but won't let me change them, won't let me change the bedding, says he is not hungry and won't sit up to drink. If he won't do these things for me I can't imagine he will do it for a stranger? I have introduced a caregiver in the home, but he is very uncooperative. Do you think a nursing home might be better for him? He doesn't have any bed sores, but at this rate, it is only a matter of time. I don't want to be accused of neglect, but what should I do? I have talked to him till I am blue in the face. He seems content, except when I try and clean him. He will be 90 in June, and has probably had Alzheimer's for about 10 years, definite signs for about 7.
Your husband is 90. Perhaps it's time to think beyond nursing home and inquire about hospice. Does he have a living will? A DNR? Not wanting to eat is an indication that his disease is progressing. I encourage you to talk to hospice about the pros and cons of artificial hydration and nutrition.
Why not give it a try, by seeing if you can get him to a nursing home for a week's respite care? If all goes well perhaps the stay could be extended; and even if he doesn't settle and you decide to continue care at home, at least you'll have had a proper rest.
I'd consider how feasible it would be to have outside help come and stay all except overnight. That way they could do all of his bodily care. Maybe, he would adjust and not resist them. Sometimes, people with dementia do better accepting personal care like that from professionals. They are trained to handle that kind of thing. Still, a lot will still be up to you. It's a huge responsibility. Plus, the costs for that kind of care in the home is huge. If funds are not available, then, I'd consider what other options you have, such as the NH. It wouldn't hurt to consult with some experts and get all the options. Don't forget that you have to take care of yourself too.
How long since you had a break from caregiving?