Is it time for a retirement home for my grandmother? What if we have no money?

Also, everytime I talk to her on the phone she's upset and sad about "Why can't I live with you and your fiance?" I still have to discuss that with him to figure out what we should do.

I wish I could put it all together here but it's just been one thing after another.

Okay - to narrow it down to her CURRENT situation...She feels guilty about living with her niece and using up costs for utilities and everything so she doesn't bathe or wash her clothes regularly. Also, she's been getting highly forgetful lately when it comes to driving. She doesn't know how to get to places she once had no trouble with. She calls me for directions and I try to remind her with landmarks or street names and they don't make sense to her. Also, one time she called me for directions and I had to use GoogleMaps to help her down the streets...that was at night so I dictated no more night time driving.. There's also a HUGE problem with her having an expired license, but I cannot get a new license for her until she takes a driver's evaluation. I don't own a car so I don't have feasible means to take her. I've asked a few family members to help but they are either incapable themselves to help or they are too busy. The niece she lives with doesn't drive. Her sisters who live down the street also don't drive. The niece's son (my cousin) is a single dad with 2 kids and he already does what he can to help my grandmother shop.

THAT part of the family who's helping to take care of her physically says that she's fine and they don't want her to move. I'm fine with them deciding this.

However, there are things financially and legally that need to be done and those responsibilities fall on me. I'm doing the best I can with those.

Back on topic though, she's becoming more forgetful and still spends too much money. Then she calls me about money problems and how the cat needs to go to the doctor and other menial tasks that I can't provide being an hour away from her with no means to get to her.

Before all this, I lived in a 1 bedrooms apartment with my fiance. Her living with us was impossible which is why she's living with the niece now. Since then, we've bought a house and there also have been some career changes. So, while we're trying to get ourselves together, I'm also trying to make future provision for my grandma. If she were to move in with us, we know it would only be a matter of time before we would be unable to take care of her in the way that she'll need attention with her dementia and such.

Personally, I'm still torn with the decision of should we or should we not consider a nursing home at this time. Because eventually we'll have to. Did I mention that the niece who's taking care of her has cancer, is going blind and has had double knee surgery in the past? Somebody's eventually going to have to take care of her too. I don't feel comfortable right now with two sick women living together like this...

However...I WANT to say that things seem fine. But it could be 1 year...maybe 15 years where it won't. So, should I consider the retirement home NOW? or should I leave it go? I'm also concerned for the niece taking care of her too... While My grandma has family near by, she trusts me to do a LOT for her. A lot..which I can't do...

I'm not sure really how else to explain this.. I've tried to be as short as possible while staying on topic.

Tell us about your GM's current situation and why you think it should be changed. Are there health issues? Changes in behavior? Does she need assistance with her activities of daily living? (Eating/Bathing/toileting/etc)

No, but I'm about to... I WOULD check into VA because she's a surviving spouse of a Vet, but there is no paper work anymore to prove this... Will I need it or can the government just find it? X(

Veterans' Administration.

Have you looked into Medicaid?

She has 1500 in social security and 300 in a pension. This is monthly. She has no assets. Also, what is VA?

Generally people who cannot afford long term care (which includes just about everyone if they live long enough) get help from the VA or Medicaid. What kind of assets (if any) does GM have? What income does she have -- SS, pensions, etc.