He is demanding, wants things immediately and says very loudly that the staff is uneducated. I am sure he would receive better care if he weren't so mean. All he does is complain how he is trapped there and i dread visiting or talking to him. He has beginning stages of alzheimer's which he denies. He is also a physician so he is arrogant and thinks the doctors are all misdagnosing him. Rehab has pets, I bring my two year old to visit, etc and he just ignores them and has a pity party. We have tried companion services which he does not like. He wants to move back home with caretakers but I know he will also treat them so poorly. Any tips how to get him help without letting him be so mean to everyone?
Fortunately, the staff is very good, and do not withhold care no matter how bad he gets. I suspect that your situation is the same. The medical nurses will run tests to make sure there is no organic reason for his behavior, and the assistants will care for his needs the best way they can.
I wish I could tell you it will get better, but there are no promises, and in most cases it only gets worse. I can only hope and pray that my dad will settle down some, and perhaps his mind will clear just a little. In the mean time, I will NOT withhold any of my visits, though I will probably make them shorter if his behavior gets unruly. He need assurance that I am there and love him, even if he doesn't show it. I will cry on the way home, but I will not give up.
Aside from posible mental problems, what kinds of things does your father need help with? What would he expect you to do if you quite your job, gave up your life, and moved in with him? I'm certainly not suggesting you even consider that -- just trying to get an idea of your father's condition.
If your father is not able to live on his own, it doesn't sound like he is a good candidate for in-home care. Getting him meals on wheels and a visiting nurse and a homemaker, etc. would probably not work out with his paronoia and belligerence. That leaves long term care. Maybe Assissted Living would be appropriate, depending on his level of impairment. Maybe he really will need memory care, if his impairments include dementia. A foster home is a possibility. Or perhaps a skilled nursing care facility is what he will need.
Your father sometimes thinks you are after his money. Is there a lot of money? The various options can be quite expensive, and which ones are actually available to him depends in part on his resources.
But even people with no money at all and who are demanding and obnoxious do find safe, comfortable, caring homes in Nursing Homes.
Show your love to your father by working on identifying his impairments, his needs, and his options. Call the Aging helpline in his state for suggestions on how to go about this. But while you do this, be very clear in your own mind that disrupting your life and moving in to take care of him is not one of the options!
Hugs and best wishes,
Jeanne
My mother had been very difficult to deal with when at rehab; I found that keeping a distance from the situation did help and sometimes they need to figure out for themselves how to act and respond when in these circumstances. Listening to constant complaining does not serve anyone well.
Take care and hope he improves.
2. Your father might get friendlier care if he were more reasonable and friendly himself, but I doubt very much that he would get medically better care. The staff are professionals. This isn't the first obnoxious patient they have cared for and it won't be the last.
3. Love your dad. Accept his flaws and his disease. But perhaps it would be best to distance yourself from him somewhat in the current situation. I don't mean disown him and never visit! But maybe less frequent and shorter visits would reduce your stress levels a little.
Hugs and best wishes to you.