I have been taking care of my mother for 18 months with vascular dementia. Prior to this I took care of my Dad during the last 18 months of his life with brain cancer. I still work full time in the health care field and that does not make caretaking any easier. I have reached my limit (probably surpassed it). I have had caretakers with her for 12 hour shifts when I am gone but as she has accused everyone of pilfering, no one stays. I have found a nice ALF home to accept her that is an Eden alternative. However, the drive is 1.5 hours away. Benadryl does not touch her nor does melatonin. She is on the Seroquel but that does not last. She does not wish to leave her home. I have been accused of lying to her, stealing her spoons and red sweaters, as well as other things. She also has visual hallucinations which are also peppered in throughout the day. I am exhausted and plan on moving her in there in 2 weeks. Any ideas?
Perhaps her doctor can prescribe something strong enough. I've never dealt with this situation, but in other situations social workers had recommended telling the elderly person what they call a "fiblet"- it is basically telling them a fib in order for them to cooperate. Or a version of the truth.
What if your friend drove and your mother sat up front with them? And you sit in the back; so you wouldn't have to talk too much and they could just talk about other things. I've had to do this with my mother under certain circumstances and found it easier not to be sittting right beside her in the car as that way she would be somewhat distracted and wouldn't have me in the "hot seat" so to speak. She would give me a hard time about things, but not someone else, such as a friend. Hugs to you and hope things work out.
Is increasing her seroquel on a one-time basis an option?
My heart goes out to both of you.