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I have accepted that I have to play the waiting game in allowing my 98-year-old mother-in-law (who has mild cognitive impairment and pretty severe balance and walking issues) to continue living alone at home. It feels so cruel and it’s driving me crazy waiting for something terrible to happen. How do you guys cope with this?

Well, there are roughly 3 choices in this situation
1) play the waiting game, and see what happens
2) try to convince the LO that its not safe and get them placed
3) If you deem it unsafe, call APS and report the unsafe situation and see if they will take action/ move to guardianship and placement etc

Whichever choice you decide to take, then its best to stay resolute to it, as hard as that is...
it sounds like you are going with #1, so stay resolute and remind yourself for the reasons you picked it . At the same time, if something happens, eg a fall and trip to ER etc, think and plan about what action you will take at that time....
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Reply to strugglinson
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In a similar situation with mother in law .
We’ve come to terms with her “ right to rot” .

You and your spouse should go on a nice long weekend vacay and focus on each other.
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Reply to waytomisery
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I am going through something very similar.

I really liked what daughter1930 said. She is so right!

Also I'll add at times for me I feel often like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster.

I worry then I kick myself back into gear. Then I'll be living my life , pretty much care free, then I get a phone call. Then the worry is back.

I think that's pretty typical, for what we are going through. When I have my worry moments, I try to remind myself I got though this the last time, I'll get though it again .

Then I busy myself, clean walk, music, what ever helps me get Me back .

I will agree having a plan does help.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Try to have a plan in place when the eventual emergency does happen. Until then go about your life as normal and stop worrying.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Most cope IMO just by accepting simple fact that something will happen. As it will to all of us.
My husband has Parkinson’s decades younger than your MIL and yet I know if not other co morbidities or complications will happen, falls or choking are common with PD.
If I did not accept it I would drive myself crazy expecting the worse every day!
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Reply to Evamar
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Look at it this way—what does your worry change? Nothing about your MIL and many negative things about your health and well being. What does driving yourself crazy over the situation accomplish? Again, nothing for her and negative consequences for you. Decide not to sacrifice your life and well being to this, your health will be ruined, and nothing will be different. What’s going to happen to your MIL is going to happen anyway, you have no control here, and in truth you wouldn’t if she lived elsewhere. Make a conscious decision to live your own life in a positive place and leave her alone in her choices.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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You think about this the way ppl think about earthquakes in California. Will there be one yes. Will it level my house? Could be. There’s no earthquake insurance, so life goes on.

Your mil wants to rot by herself rather than sell this house and get help. It’s up to her really.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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