I am 29 years-old with a great husband, home and one year-old. I am my grandmother's POA and have handled everything for her because my parents are deadbeat drug addicts. Her dementia has recently worsened, not to the point of wandering off, but she has absolutely no short-term memory. She calls me upwards up 40 times a day, hysterically crying because she can't remember where she is - I had to put her in a nursing home. We have a guest room in our basement and she has social security income that could cover a caregiver coming a couple times a week. She would be much happier with us and it's getting to the point where I dread answering her calls and visiting her because she's just so upset. I feel terrible I don't know what to do. I work from home, my mother in law comes over 2-3 times a week to watch my son. I could realistically have her live with us, we have the space, but my husband is vehemently against her moving in with us and thinks it's way too much work. I just don't know what to do.
ive lived with someone with dementia because her daughter couldn't cope after six years of having her live with her at her home and its got so bad emotionally it was hard to watch to see how much her condition has taken everything from her.
I had her move in with me and it got to point where even I couldn't cope she has gone to a well good home since and we visit it all the time but she cant even walk and doesn't know who we are.
I know what your going through and its a kind gesture and all what your trying to do but it will mess your health and emotionally take it out of you.
I thought about what I did and it didn't do any good despite doing the best we all could. and I think about when I wasn't not well and I need help who's there for me?? carers care but who cares for the carer?
They need 24/7 care and you cant turn your back for a second its harder than its made out to be especially when they move into your home its nothing like working with them at a home because end of shift people can leave and go home and live a normal life but its exceptionally harder when its a loved one.
if you let her move in id urged you it should only be for a small amount of time.
I'm sorry if my advice isn't great but Id wanna make sure you do right thing but think of the welfare for yourself and your family because believe me when I tell you its not a walk in the park.
I'm 25 and I'm so knackered that most days I'm very depressed now and am going through other things too.
hope you do right thing and look after yourself.
Your husband is right, this is way too much work. Grit your teeth, visit her on a regular schedule, turn your phone off when the calls get too much (give the NH an alternative number for emergencies), and wait for this phase to pass. I hope it'll be soon.
I would caution you that people with dementia can't be left alone for even a short time, past the early stages. They are like a toddler. They often have sleep disorders and stay up all night, they normally become incontinent and have to be changed every couple of hours, and may ingest non-food items, mishandle appliances, or harm themselves by accident. I'd read a lot about what their care entails and discuss it with your family, before taking this on. I would also question having a young child with you as you care for her, because often they lose control of their boundaries and filters and their behavior may be unpredictable. It's a lot to consider.
I'd question if the facility she is in is watching her enough. That many calls of her in distress is disturbing. Why haven't they tried to address this? I'd arrange a meeting and get their input. Maybe, they aren't equipped to handle someone with her progression. Is this an Assisted Living or Nursing Home? I found that a Memory Care facility served my LO so much better. She got the constant attention that she needed and really settled down when she arrived there. If the resident is not getting the proper level of care, they seem to be less content, imo.
I'd read a lot of the personal stories on this site about others who are doing what you are considering. It will give you a lot to think about.