Mom had many health issues at 87 and had been declining, especially since January when she started chemo. She stopped cancer treatment after it was determined it wasn't working. She also had COPD, Afib, an enlarged heart and chronic UTI. She was on constant oxygen (4-5 liters). The day she entered hospice she was talking and eating well, 5 days later she could barely speak, was delirious and barely eating. Hospice drugged her constantly with Ativan for terminal agitation and Morphine for breathing issues. I truly believe they hastened her death and I feel guilty for ever putting her into hospice. I was under the impression they would let her die naturally not speed it up. She probably had another month of life left. I'm devistated.
Hospice was incredible. I have no regrets about them. I do know the local staff gave her a dose of morphine that they should not have. They did it right after the rally. I don't know the consequences of that but based on what I know now it didn't matter. Her heart had been given an extra 7 to 10 years after a heart attack, they couldn't stent it, and it was over.
I don't know if this applies to you but I was never told how bad of shape she was in. I was still fighting for her in the final week. It took a 4th trip to the ER, where a doctor kind of laid it out, and a visit to her cardiologist, who I had to drag the information out of. The simple truth was, she needed a stent of a certain size that did not exist.
Sometimes, things aren't what they seem, because we don't get all the information.
As an aside, and something I've written before, but we've got to change medical information, it's sharing and our access. We need to know, really know, what's going on and it's too damn hard to get. Some of that is on HIPPA but a lot of that is on the medical community as a whole. It's hard to track my information in my 50's, it's gotten more complicated as more things have happened. Thank god for Apple Health because it at least gets my lab work. I have some idea of what my father has going on but even there he surprises me. It's just stupid that I have to wrench paper from a bunch of different sources. They need a standard and they need it now.
Hospice did not hasten her death, they made it a more comfortable peaceful one. She had a lot wrong with her. "Terminal agitation" says it right there. Chemo, too, does a number on the body and I am surprised it was done with her heart condition. It was Moms time. Her body was shutting down. She lived till 87. A nice long life.
Morphine makes it easier to breathe. It does not kill the patient when properly administered.
Palliative care (hospice is one type) has been shown to INCREASE life span. It makes people comfortable and, hopefully, allows them to have a more peaceful passing. You did the best thing for your mom. You made the best decision for her.
https://www.geripal.org/2010/08/palliative-care-prolongs-life.html
My mom went on hospice. The hospice nurse told me, based on Mom's vital signs, that Mom could live for another six months. A month later, I put Mom to bed and she never woke up.
Please know death is not the worst that can happen. Oftentimes it brings relief to the patient. My condolences on your great loss. May sweet memories of your dear mother bring you peace.