I have only been doing this for a short time (3. Years but since October full time), and the stress and anxiety I feel with every hospitalization makes me crazy. I guess that is why they started hospice. I just feel like the hospital and NH steels so much time because I am not able to stay more than two- three hours because the chairs are so uncomfortable and I am thinking about what has to get done at home. Whenever she is in one of those settings I am always alone, because my hubby was so traumatized by his father's 2 year fight with cancer that he can't deal with hospitals. He has visited my mom on a couple of occasions, one totally unbeknownst to me until she told me, but when his mom was choosing to be taken off life support, he did not stay until she passed. So when that time comes, I know I will be there alone if she is in a hospital.
Gnagitthruthis- siblings are all out of state as are steps. They would be and are no support.when she first had pneumonia, I cried to one brother and he quickly got off the phone and he was the one I consider closest to. They call her on holidays and her birthday, but that is about the length of their commitment. I often comment that my stepbrothers are more concerned about her but that is because she was the one that relieved them of caring for my stepfather.
She has been a great mother and it broke my heart the other day when she said, I don't know what I would do without you. I have a couple of friends that are nurturing caring friends that would be there, but both are caring for their families. One takes care of her parents who take care of her disabled brother and her inlaws. They other cares for her fiancé that had multiple organ transplants and her friends son who has autism. I have some great friends but they do not have a lot of time. Others who claim to be friends are only ones who are there for what they can get from me. It took me a while to figure that out.
If hospice care is compatible with her wishes I suggest you discuss with her doctor whether she is ready for that, and sign up for it when it becomes suitable.
My husband died at home on hospice. I am so glad we weren't in a medical setting.