My mom moved in several months ago. It's not terrible; it's not great. I'm wondering what sort of positives people have found in caring for aging parents in a multi-generational home. (My husband and I have 2 young-adult sons, both of whom are living with us right now.)
The two good things that come out of caregiving for my elderly Alz mom is that I realize I need to pre-plan for my own care when I get old, and I realize I should not put the burden of caring for me on my children.
I will try to teach these two lessons to my children so that they can prepare for their own old age. Most people don't think about what they will do when they get old and can no longer care for themselves. I certainly didn't until I had to care for my mother. Valuable life lessons learned.
posts from caregivers here who are doing home caregiving and doing handsprings and happy cartwheels down the middle of the street celebrating having a loved one living with them. Quite the opposite. Most posters write to us and ask, “how the hell did this happen?” Adult children make the “Noble Promise” to never put their parents in what the parents perceive as a horrible, dirty awful nursing home. The kids are guilted into having the parent, who perhaps has always been (ahem) “difficult”, and sometimes expect the parent’s personality to improve once they move in. Instead, the parent declines, and rapidly. Poops in corners. Pees in any available container or just on the floor. Won’t bathe. Won’t take meds. Wanders and yells all night so no one gets any sleep. Wont eat. Abuses everyone from the pets to the kids living in the home.
Nope. This scenario is 90% of the posts we get here. Our hearts hurt for these posters. We want a magic wand to make it ok for them. “Blessings”? Nope. Not here. Sorry.
I have learned a lot about aging, and dementia types, and learned to ask for help. I have also learned how to better take care of myself (after a burnout) and how better to set limits. My hubby and I have now laughed about the nights Rose comes out of her room in nothing more than her pajama top to say good night. (when we are alone)
I've become better at acceptance of what is, and then finding solutions. An example is that Rose no longer opens drawers. If it is not visible, she can't find it. So I put her clothes out for her and make sure she dresses for the day. Anyone else?
Much spiritual growth, and better understanding and patience.
A greater love for my parents.
Strength and courage.
More self awareness of my weaknesses, allowing me to improve them, with the Lords help.
You are looking for blessings and I pray your journey is one that allows you to continue to find joy and blessings. Please don't allow us to discourage you! Stay positive! You've made me stop and think about myself and I needed that.
Happy New Year to you and your family!
You are as happy as you choose to be.