My father, who was a doctor, passed away seven years ago and as soon as my sister (only sibling) found out there wasn't any immediate money involved, she moved 1500 miles away.
My mother abused me endlessly as a child, beating me so badly I couldn't walk and telling me I'm a 'nothing' she wish she had aborted. All the while showering my younger sister with affection and telling me I'd be loved too if I were 'pretty' like her. She damaged my psyche so much I never believed anyone could possibly love me, thus, I went from one abusive husband to the next.
Even though I moved far away in my early twenties, she would send me 6-8 page letters stressing how 'worthless' I am, at least once a month. I quit reading them and even burned some. Yeah, and it felt good!
When my dad got sick, I moved back home with my sixth abusive husband. I had barely started unpacking when I got yet another letter from her forwarded from my prior address. It stated to just stay where I am because no one wants me or cares about me. I was already here and it absolutely tore me to shreds.
When my father was dying, she would laugh at him when he couldn't lift a fork to his mouth, never lifting a finger to help him at all, so I helped him. She is a hoarder who has never worked a day in her life and my father provided her with a life of luxury. To see her treat him that way, made me loathe her more than I thought humanly possible. I was sickened that it was him dying and not her.
I did everything within my power to stay away from her, until Hurricane Harvey hit Houston and flooded her home with four feet of water. A neighbor rescued her and her dogs in his boat and took them to his house. After she'd well overstayed her welcome and began trashing his place, he contacted me expecting me to do something since my wonderful sister had 'conveniently' disappeared. I DID do something at that point and I did a LOT.
My husband and I moved her into a rental house, found a contractor to rebuild her house and went there weekly to oversee the construction. This went on for many months. When her house was finally ready, we moved her back in and I had to deal with her furious landlords for leaving her rental house trashed. My husband and son spent three days cleaning it to appease them while I helped my mother pick out new furniture and appliances.
We live in a little apartment and barely make ends meet. My mother has so much money it's unreal. Yet, she let us spend every dime of our own money on her AND put me down every chance she got. She'd sit on her butt texting my sister while we did everything for her and let me continually know how great my sister is. WTH? My sister did absolutely nothing. Never even came to visit until everything was already done!
After all of this, my mother blocked me in every way possible. On Facebook, her phone, etc. Good riddance...........or so I thought.
My lovely sister called me recently to say our mom's sick and the dogs are pooping and peeing everywhere in the house. THIS time I was very assertive and told her she better get here and handle it herself. She hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know why that bothers me, but it does.
I apologize for the length of this. If you've made it this far, I'd very much like to know what YOU would do in a situation like this. Thanks so much!
Congratulations for being assertive this time!
Instead of being bothered that your sister hasn't spoken to you, be glad. You do not need that negativity, etc. in your life.
You've done more than enough, and put up with more than enough. You owe her NOTHING!!!! She will now have to reap what she has sown.
Please get yourself some therapy, as you are not all the negative things your mom has said about you. You are a child of the Most High God, a daughter of the King. It doesn't get any better than that. May God bless you and keep you.
You might want to seriously think about seeking therapy, to help you find feelings of self worth, so you can live that life happily, free from abuse.
You are worth something. You owe nothing to anyone except yourself. Please, if you need help to move through this nightmare, please seek it.
I too spent my late teens getting the 6 page abusive letters from my dreadful father. I coped by getting someone else to read them and let me know if there was anything important I ought to know, then trashing them unread. Did your letters have the tell-tale sign of handwritten additions in multi-colored biro? I have read that when you get to three colors, you know that you have to quit! I quit. You need to quit too.
You are young and you need to focus on YOU. Run from both of them and never look back!!
As for my mom and sister, yes, it's time for me to heal and let them both go.
I thank God for ALL of you special angels!
Your Mom is a Narcissist probably. Look it up. There are a number of members that are or have gone thru what you are. Some have learned to walk away. Easy no and why? My theary is there is always that one child, when the others walk away, that keeps looking for love that isn't there. Maybe if I do this, maybe if I do that they will love me. It never works because Narcissists don't know how to love. I bet sister has Narcissist tendencies. The best thing you can do is walk away. No, you won't have a family but what have they done for you but take. It will take a while, but you will be happier. Find new interests. Move away.
See All Answers